Sleepless Nights 24 - Respect

Truly, what we lack in this world is not world fucking peace.

Talk a walk and look around you, there ain't no fucking murders happening right before your eyes now, is there? And I am referring to you under normal circumstances now.

The reality is that what we truly lack is respect.

Respect. Just that one simple fucking term yet it has been perverted in so many ways that nobody could really tell the difference between respect and fear.

Honestly, I can't fucking understand what is so fucking hard about it. Of course right now I am pissed off because I am applicable under this group of the people who lack this respect. And fuck, I am not pissed off, I'm... confused.

By respect I do not mean the 'Respect me for my looks/intelligence/etc. respect. I don't fucking care about that. I mean just respecting another person's decision, just that, is that so fucking hard to ask? Is it so hard to be content with the fact that at times my perimeter; my tolerance towards the fucking human race diminishes to shit and I'd rather be in seclusion or be in the presence of other people who won't bother me? Is it that fucking hard to accept?

Everybody has a perimeter, mine is just way too narrow. Sorry in advance but fuck, I can't change that fact and neither can you. If you still persists on fucking and bitching around then too bad, honestly I could care less. But you know, just for old times sake, go fuck yourself. I don't need people like you messing up my already messed up mind.

Of course, right now, I will be under another kind of critism. It's referred to as 'I got no balls and I have to bitch about it in a blog'. Believe me, the only fucking reason I'm doing this is so that you'd actually spend time reading and maybe understanding this. If I had told you this to your face, that auto-fucking-denial of yours would erupt and force your brain into temporary mental retardation.

Sigh.

People, people, people.

I thought to myself and I realised that heck, who the fuck are you to buzz around me? You serve me no benefit whatsoever, and what more, you depend on me at times. So what's there to lose if you go all fucking berserk? Believe me, I can walk out anytime mate, it's as easy as eating. Just don't come to a point where you'd need me; though I doubt it, and I am not there.

Okay, time for bed.

Holy shit, I can't grow up.

I remembered this one time, a friend of mine jokingly said 'You know what, you are fucking childish at times but at other times you are fucking reasonable. I just don't get it.' It didn't make any fucking sense then and I just laughed it off but now, I just realised why.

I refuse to grow up. Literally. I will not allow myself to go through that phase. It's not because of some vanity shit or some fucking retarded shit like that, the body ages, of course but I refuse to let go of all the little things people refer to as childish.

I've met tons of fuckers like me, as in the part in which the prefer to stay and act like a kid. I realised that my difference with these people is that I allow apart of myself to mature, to be reasonable, to have half of me remind the other half that the world, as much as I want it, does not fucking revolve around me. Yeah and even as I write that the other half is questioning why. I don't know man, I'll look into it.

It's funny. While other people want to grow up and drive and shit like that, I'm relatively afraid of the day where I have this huge fat fucking label on my head saying: Responsible Adult. Fuck. That's some scary shit.

I look at many of my friends that have grown into this fucken robotic fucks and it just hit me. Of all things, I do not want to turn out like that. I don't want to be like them where life/shit is revolved around work and money. Come on man, you gotta be kidding me. Can't even spend a few hours with a friend is going fucking overboard. Anyway everytime I bring up the topic, words like 'responsibility' and 'priority' start to be shoved down my throat. Of course, they don't expect me to understand that. After all, I'm just too childish ey.

If childish is one thing, there's this trend of labelling somewhat erratic people as crazy little fucks. Well, hello definitions! Someone almost famous once said, schizophrenia is a sane answer to an insane world. I have to admit, that is so fucking true. Is just reality. The so called normal people are in fact more fucken twisted than the once labelled as the crazies. BDSM, fetishes, paedophiles, heck these are all committed by fucken normal fucktards. So much for us being the crazy ones. Oh except for BDSM, that shit is awesome.

Egypt loss and there is no chaos. Fuck I'm fucking disappointed. Cibai, these people don't know how to have fun. Fucks, I swear to God.

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately?
That the glare and the malice,
The flare of abhorrence,
In your deep dark eyes
Makes me smile?

The way you grit your teeth,
As you fight and squirm,
With the spirit of a thousand swords,
Have I told you
That it leaves me sleepless?

With words that stab deep,
And that freezing aura,
You leave me breathless,
My morphine,
Have I told you?

You linger there,
In the notes of mournful instrumentals,
In the wails of widows and orphans,
In the air of funerals and plagues,
Unrivalled and unchallenged you stand.

My dark Queen,
Have I told you lately?

A/N: ... Yes, I stole the title. So what? Anyway, you know the drill, feedback needed. I'm no longer going to beg for it.

Purpose Driven Life...

... Doesn't fucking exist.

If it does, why are you here? Everyone wants fucking world peace, true? If in the case of the term stated above is true, then everybody would be fucking holding a gun and shooting every single fuck that punches another random person. Why? It could lead to racial disturbance hence promote violence and ultimately cause peace to wither like a fucking ancient rose.

Let's rephrase shall we?

Let's just say you want to be a... doctor. You go to Med school, you study your ass off and in the process fuck up your brain cells to the point of no return but the point is that you became a doctor. Your fucking life mission reached. Then you work your ass off, get married, fuck and finally die. So... What was the purpose? You became a doctor, you saved lives (or try) you got all that you wanted. Was that your purpose? I mean, yeah shit, I may not be making much sense now but listen. Is your purpose of living really... just to do that?

I don't know... It seems pretty dull to me. I gotta admit, getting tons of money, chics and everything you desire is pretty good... But fuck, there's gotta be more than that! I need more than all that shit, I can survive without fucking, I can survive without having material stuff but I cannot, I cannot... Just fucking live just for the sake of it...

Somehow, suicide have always made sense to me.

Anyway, shit, I have class tomorrow. Dammit... Fuck all ye who wake up in the fucking morning!!!

Ah well, this is not my fucking purpose... That said, I wanna be Dr. Manhattan. Why? Shit, apart from those superpowers, I get to be fucking naked and no one gives a shit! Woot! And I'm blue!