Sleepless Nights 50 - Fucking ABBA, Why Are You So Goddamn Awesome.

50. Holy fuck, '50 Sleepless Nights' posts.

I've come a long way since the first post, three years ago, writing wise and wiseness wise. Back then, I was still that bumbling fool, LOL-ing and fucking dancing in the clouds. Nowadays, my feet are more firmly attached to the ground and yes, in a way, I do miss those days. Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders. (Nietzsche.)

Ignorance, it is a curious thing indeed. I do not see the days where I was clouded in it bad, in fact, I think they were less taxing days. What you do not know, will hurt you not and that is probably the truest words in a sense. Metaphorically of course, if you do not know a lion, it could still maul you to death.

Finally, a picture!

Those days, everything was easy. It was easy to accept, it was easy to let go, it was easy to breeze past things. I did not think of questioning.

No, I won't trade this enlightenment for the past. To be as I am nowadays, is a gift, albeit a cruel one. I understand so much more, I've gained so much more knowledge and accompanying the pain, is a euphoria so massive that it gets me fucking high. Enough on that.

It's a funny thing growing up. To realise that you're ageing, to actually see the physical change, it humours me. Reminds me I'm human, I guess, prevents me from getting over me head. 

With that said, holy fuck, I deserve to be fucking immortal. Why? Because I lust for knowledge, being present in this mortal cage will not satisfy this hunger growing more powerful every single day. I want more, and more, and fucking more, and there is no way I could achieve what I want with such a thing as age. I don't see the point in hoarding money, or women, or fucking being immortal just for the fucks of it, at the end of the day, these things will bore me. But knowledge... To have the ability to transcend above everything else, to know and to understand... That's the greatest gift and power a person could get. When the fuck is the philosopher's stone going to be discovered...

I've been writing a lot more than before, at the expense of photography. It's weird, it brings about such a profound sadness to not be able to capture the images I have in my head. Maybe it's time to actually chill the fuck out and start from scratch when the time comes... Fuck. Fuck.

I'd be a fucking awesome teacher. Like really fucking awesome. I'd teach the kids shit that the present flawed education system fails to integrate and they'll grow up knowing the importance of knowledge; not only in one specific field, but in a more diverse way. It's sad to see the future generation having to be shackled by the burden of a shallow mindset. I guess that's what I'd like to do. Change the academic system back home, so that there'll be no more Ministers who can't fucking speak proper English when interviewed by a goddamn global media channel. Oh yes, I abhor that fuck.

A long overdue chapter of 'Trade Bargain' is coming soon, how soon, I cannot specify. But it's developing, I think, hopefully into something worth reading... So much to do, so little time. I found out that Keats died at the age of 25. Fuck, the utter fuckupperry is massively depressing... Such a genius, such a romantic, gone before he could even fucking taste the bitterness of age. Hmmm, death, a curious thing indeed...

And fucking hot too, it seems.

I'm reading Gaiman's Sandman, fuck how does he even write that way dammit.