If one has not noticed yet, this is the month where curses and laughs walk hand in hand along a deserted road. This is the month where there are tears amongst joy and angst among cheer. This is the month where the insomniacs have a blast while those who enjoy sleeping while the sun is dead feels utterly fucked.
This is the month of exams.
So, once that borderline blasphemous word comes to mind, there's a few things that can be said about it. There's the long hours spent staring at countless numbers of words, and also an equal amount of time gone into wishing that all would go well. Me, I'm pretty simple-minded, hence, the thing that comes to mind is the all time popular cheat formation. The following has been extracted from the sacred book of 'Oh-For-Fucks-Sakes-Move-Your-Fucking-Hand' which has grown beyond what the original creators could ever imagine. It is embedded in the hearts of those who, in times of need, realised that their brain had given up on them. It is the ultimate move taught in Ninja boarding schools, few have mastered it and fewer still have the ability to execute it. I shall explain about the sacred formation, taken from pages 57 to 94.
1. The Keeper.
One of the villains, these types almost always cause tremendous heartache towards the scholars of the holy Oh-For-Fucks-Sakes-Move-Your-Fucking-Hand book. They are the paladins of answer sheets, their defense is comparable only to the most wizened Defenders of the Book.
They boast multiple anti-cheating moves and have spent years honing them. Amongst the most popular ones are:
- The Moving Fortress.
True to its name, those who have mastered this skill have been amongst the most notorious of adversaries. They're cunning and extremely intelligent, moving parts of their bodies according to the posture of their foe, leaning and bending in such ways which proof that they are in fact, spinelessbitching fuckers.
- The Origami Dwarf
They substitute body size with an enormous set of clutter, in which they deftly use to cover up answers. The masters of this art only need the commonest of tools which they could arrange to block and at times, even mock their foes. Pray that they do not own large rulers, I for one have once seen a man's dream crushed just because of it.
- The Queen of Despair
One of the most formidable foe to date, the queens of despair uses their exceedingly good looks and seductive properties to destroy the will of many. A flick of the hair, an innocent gesture, a slight touch of warmth, they convert their innocence into potent venom which they inject into the souls of the fallen.
2. The Defenders
The defenders are a unique set of people who, over the course of history, have found themselves divided into two factions, those who uphold the words of Kael-Shinfuckinawesomin 'Thou shalt defend the people and provide for them' and those who reject it but instead; opt to glorify the Dark King 'Tote-Bastedchild' whose only motto is 'Fuck them, never give anything away. I think you can deduce which one is the good, and which one is the fucked up bastard. Arising from the same origins, their modus operandi isn't that different from each other.
- The Sweeping Hurricane
Offense in Defense. That is what they believe in. In the eyes of the villains, practitioners of this method is extremely respected due to the amount of casualties caused after the exams. They will squeal and they will rat on those who even attempt a slight gaze in their direction. They defend their answers like orcs hoarding a brothel, like barbarians defending their swine. Many have fallen at their feet, and most of them are agile, avoiding contact after the exams in case the assassins come after them. The heroes on the other hand, look at it from a different perspective. They defend their fellow scholars by providing, none may stop them, they construct makeshift slingshots and catapult answers after answers. Their eyes are sharp, and they gather resources from friends and foe alike. Generally well liked in the community, most who tried to destroy them will never again see daylight.
- The Broadway Junkie
Villains use this forbidden technique to gain an advantage over the administrators once they have succeeded in squealing. They will cry, they will weave webs of tales forgotten; tales so intense that those who hear it will be overcome with rage and sympathy. The heroes on the other hand serves as the saviour. They will provide alibi after alibi, all of them foolproof and impenetrable, save from intervention by those wielding the evil power of ultra penetration.
- The Speedsters (Refer to number 4)
3. The Tricksters
These are the holy counter of the Queen of Despair (Refer to 1.4). Most of the time, they have the sweetest smile chiseled on their faces, the world brightens up in their presence, birds sing, puppies get born by the millions and hot busty women tear off their wet white t-shirts and bras in my awesome- I mean their presence. Heart breakers by nature, they carry their gift into the exam hall and utilize every drop of it.
- The Prince Charming.
These are most probably douchebags in reality but during exams, nobody gives a fuck. They get the job done with exceedingly good looks that melts the hearts of the villains, no matter how cold or how dark their hearts are. A few soft words, a slight gesture of intimacy and mixed messages, they prey on the ones with low esteem or better known as the fuglies.
- The Gentleman.
These breed do not excel in the arts of beautifying, instead, they focus more on manipulation. Their minds produce sentences that could fool deities, they weave a web of deception and they lure their prey into it. They convert humility and their mask of low confidence into lethal weapons, their voice glorifies the opponent. Never asking help directly, they make their prey feel comfortable enough to let a few holes in their defense be ignored and then they strike!
- The Clown.
Also referred to as the mimic, the Clown deliberately makes a fool of himself over and over again, inducing laughter in the hearts of many. They are apostles to the secret branch of the sect called the 'Super Duper Bees-Knees Ultra Jinjinachis' or SUDUBEKUJI. The less learned of them would cause the target to be as carefree as afucking deer, throwing defense into the ocean but the masters... They cause extreme happiness to the extent that the target loses motor control of his/her body and eventually, their will is under the Clown's control.
4. The Speedsters
Speed. That is all that matters to these rare breed of heroes. Their eyes seem as if they are dancing and their hands match the movement. Never letting anything slip, their coordination makes them versatile in many areas from gaining intelligence to patching up failed attempts of distributing said material. Most of the time, they double as makeshift strikers, however, this usually happens in the direst of situations. They are double edged weapons, sometimes their speed proves to be their downfall. Those without a satisfactory level of patience and teamwork finds themselves bored having to stay in the exam hall after completion of their papers. They are the most common kind to turn to the darkside, mainly after being told that they could achieve so much more on their own. Nevertheless, they are a band of fearsome warriors; depending on which side of the coin they rest.
5. The Playmaker.
The more neutral aligned heroes, they keep an open mind towards everything. They incorporate brains and brawn together to form an entity that's worshiped by the scholars of the book.
- The Buffer
These are the transmitters in the circuit of passing answers. They collect whatever material that comes their way, refines them and releases them like neurotransmitters. A godsend to those who are sometimes left out of the circle of the book especially in the back rows, the Buffer represents a bright illuminating light in a world where everything is dark and gloomy.
- The Sacred Armour.
Most of you have met these souls who contrary to their actions, seem to have a level of intelligence that surpasses most normal humans. They do not find the need to follow the book, instead these are the ones who will one day be mentioned in the book. Their handwritings are big and easy to read, their posture; soothing. Wherever they are situated in the exam, an aura of 'Thank God' irradiates from them and most of the receivers of the blessings enjoy a complete and satisfactory life for the rest of the exams.
- The Reaper of Attention
A hybrid is the only accurate way to describe them in which they seem to incorporate trickery (Refer to number 3) with being a Broadway Junkie (Refer to number 2.2). They have a knack for asking questions diverting the attention of everyone towards themselves. Most of the inhabitants of the exam hall would find themselves annoyed but upon closer examination, they have lowered the defense of almost everybody in the hall. This gives an impossibly complete advantage over the heroes to go forth and collect as much intelligence as possible.
6. The Strikers.
Strikers are amazing in a way that they have continuously sacrificed themselves for the good of humanity, yet at the same time, villains have their own set of trumps.
Most of the strikers have a respectable or even fearsome connection to the Administration. Some are tauted as the next leaders of the people, some are definite CEOs of multinational companies. Hence, with this advantage, they are never fearful in practicing the code of the Book but as usual, it depends on which side they are on. Both sides could sway the minds of the Administration with their word and in the exam hall, both sides are given the riskiest jobs. The heroes are to contain whatsoever it is that they receive till the suitable time and then release it to the masses while the villains are to block the heroes' quest. They have to do every single job there is in the book, and for that, I shall not criticize them, not heroes nor villains for they are truly the legends of our time.
I have now passed on a fraction of the knowledge which I have bore all this while. I too, once when I was a youngling, received this from my elders. Even now, as I continue writing, I could notice the tremors reverberating throughout my body... It's cold, and as days pass, I know it will grow colder still... So go, my children, uphold the code of the Book, pick your side and defend it! My era has ended, yours have just begun, make us proud!
This is the month of exams.
So, once that borderline blasphemous word comes to mind, there's a few things that can be said about it. There's the long hours spent staring at countless numbers of words, and also an equal amount of time gone into wishing that all would go well. Me, I'm pretty simple-minded, hence, the thing that comes to mind is the all time popular cheat formation. The following has been extracted from the sacred book of 'Oh-For-Fucks-Sakes-Move-Your-Fucking-Hand' which has grown beyond what the original creators could ever imagine. It is embedded in the hearts of those who, in times of need, realised that their brain had given up on them. It is the ultimate move taught in Ninja boarding schools, few have mastered it and fewer still have the ability to execute it. I shall explain about the sacred formation, taken from pages 57 to 94.
1. The Keeper.
One of the villains, these types almost always cause tremendous heartache towards the scholars of the holy Oh-For-Fucks-Sakes-Move-Your-Fucking-Hand book. They are the paladins of answer sheets, their defense is comparable only to the most wizened Defenders of the Book.
They boast multiple anti-cheating moves and have spent years honing them. Amongst the most popular ones are:
- The Moving Fortress.
True to its name, those who have mastered this skill have been amongst the most notorious of adversaries. They're cunning and extremely intelligent, moving parts of their bodies according to the posture of their foe, leaning and bending in such ways which proof that they are in fact, spineless
- The Origami Dwarf
They substitute body size with an enormous set of clutter, in which they deftly use to cover up answers. The masters of this art only need the commonest of tools which they could arrange to block and at times, even mock their foes. Pray that they do not own large rulers, I for one have once seen a man's dream crushed just because of it.
- The Queen of Despair
One of the most formidable foe to date, the queens of despair uses their exceedingly good looks and seductive properties to destroy the will of many. A flick of the hair, an innocent gesture, a slight touch of warmth, they convert their innocence into potent venom which they inject into the souls of the fallen.
2. The Defenders
The defenders are a unique set of people who, over the course of history, have found themselves divided into two factions, those who uphold the words of Kael-Shinfuckinawesomin 'Thou shalt defend the people and provide for them' and those who reject it but instead; opt to glorify the Dark King 'Tote-Bastedchild' whose only motto is 'Fuck them, never give anything away. I think you can deduce which one is the good, and which one is the fucked up bastard. Arising from the same origins, their modus operandi isn't that different from each other.
- The Sweeping Hurricane
Offense in Defense. That is what they believe in. In the eyes of the villains, practitioners of this method is extremely respected due to the amount of casualties caused after the exams. They will squeal and they will rat on those who even attempt a slight gaze in their direction. They defend their answers like orcs hoarding a brothel, like barbarians defending their swine. Many have fallen at their feet, and most of them are agile, avoiding contact after the exams in case the assassins come after them. The heroes on the other hand, look at it from a different perspective. They defend their fellow scholars by providing, none may stop them, they construct makeshift slingshots and catapult answers after answers. Their eyes are sharp, and they gather resources from friends and foe alike. Generally well liked in the community, most who tried to destroy them will never again see daylight.
- The Broadway Junkie
Villains use this forbidden technique to gain an advantage over the administrators once they have succeeded in squealing. They will cry, they will weave webs of tales forgotten; tales so intense that those who hear it will be overcome with rage and sympathy. The heroes on the other hand serves as the saviour. They will provide alibi after alibi, all of them foolproof and impenetrable, save from intervention by those wielding the evil power of ultra penetration.
- The Speedsters (Refer to number 4)
3. The Tricksters
These are the holy counter of the Queen of Despair (Refer to 1.4). Most of the time, they have the sweetest smile chiseled on their faces, the world brightens up in their presence, birds sing, puppies get born by the millions and hot busty women tear off their wet white t-shirts and bras in my awesome- I mean their presence. Heart breakers by nature, they carry their gift into the exam hall and utilize every drop of it.
- The Prince Charming.
These are most probably douchebags in reality but during exams, nobody gives a fuck. They get the job done with exceedingly good looks that melts the hearts of the villains, no matter how cold or how dark their hearts are. A few soft words, a slight gesture of intimacy and mixed messages, they prey on the ones with low esteem or better known as the fuglies.
- The Gentleman.
These breed do not excel in the arts of beautifying, instead, they focus more on manipulation. Their minds produce sentences that could fool deities, they weave a web of deception and they lure their prey into it. They convert humility and their mask of low confidence into lethal weapons, their voice glorifies the opponent. Never asking help directly, they make their prey feel comfortable enough to let a few holes in their defense be ignored and then they strike!
- The Clown.
Also referred to as the mimic, the Clown deliberately makes a fool of himself over and over again, inducing laughter in the hearts of many. They are apostles to the secret branch of the sect called the 'Super Duper Bees-Knees Ultra Jinjinachis' or SUDUBEKUJI. The less learned of them would cause the target to be as carefree as a
4. The Speedsters
Speed. That is all that matters to these rare breed of heroes. Their eyes seem as if they are dancing and their hands match the movement. Never letting anything slip, their coordination makes them versatile in many areas from gaining intelligence to patching up failed attempts of distributing said material. Most of the time, they double as makeshift strikers, however, this usually happens in the direst of situations. They are double edged weapons, sometimes their speed proves to be their downfall. Those without a satisfactory level of patience and teamwork finds themselves bored having to stay in the exam hall after completion of their papers. They are the most common kind to turn to the darkside, mainly after being told that they could achieve so much more on their own. Nevertheless, they are a band of fearsome warriors; depending on which side of the coin they rest.
5. The Playmaker.
The more neutral aligned heroes, they keep an open mind towards everything. They incorporate brains and brawn together to form an entity that's worshiped by the scholars of the book.
- The Buffer
These are the transmitters in the circuit of passing answers. They collect whatever material that comes their way, refines them and releases them like neurotransmitters. A godsend to those who are sometimes left out of the circle of the book especially in the back rows, the Buffer represents a bright illuminating light in a world where everything is dark and gloomy.
- The Sacred Armour.
Most of you have met these souls who contrary to their actions, seem to have a level of intelligence that surpasses most normal humans. They do not find the need to follow the book, instead these are the ones who will one day be mentioned in the book. Their handwritings are big and easy to read, their posture; soothing. Wherever they are situated in the exam, an aura of 'Thank God' irradiates from them and most of the receivers of the blessings enjoy a complete and satisfactory life for the rest of the exams.
- The Reaper of Attention
A hybrid is the only accurate way to describe them in which they seem to incorporate trickery (Refer to number 3) with being a Broadway Junkie (Refer to number 2.2). They have a knack for asking questions diverting the attention of everyone towards themselves. Most of the inhabitants of the exam hall would find themselves annoyed but upon closer examination, they have lowered the defense of almost everybody in the hall. This gives an impossibly complete advantage over the heroes to go forth and collect as much intelligence as possible.
6. The Strikers.
Strikers are amazing in a way that they have continuously sacrificed themselves for the good of humanity, yet at the same time, villains have their own set of trumps.
Most of the strikers have a respectable or even fearsome connection to the Administration. Some are tauted as the next leaders of the people, some are definite CEOs of multinational companies. Hence, with this advantage, they are never fearful in practicing the code of the Book but as usual, it depends on which side they are on. Both sides could sway the minds of the Administration with their word and in the exam hall, both sides are given the riskiest jobs. The heroes are to contain whatsoever it is that they receive till the suitable time and then release it to the masses while the villains are to block the heroes' quest. They have to do every single job there is in the book, and for that, I shall not criticize them, not heroes nor villains for they are truly the legends of our time.
I have now passed on a fraction of the knowledge which I have bore all this while. I too, once when I was a youngling, received this from my elders. Even now, as I continue writing, I could notice the tremors reverberating throughout my body... It's cold, and as days pass, I know it will grow colder still... So go, my children, uphold the code of the Book, pick your side and defend it! My era has ended, yours have just begun, make us proud!
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