1. What happens when you're alone, feeling completely helpless and lonely?
I'd say that I stop being sad and be awesome instead but of course only Barney could do that. I don't really know, to be honest. I'm always alone, in a sense, lonely in a way, but helpless... Not so much. Still, a valid question, is a valid question. I guess I'll brew a jug of coffee, put on some Lord of the Rings soundtrack (Evenstar. Look it up on youtube.). Then when I begin to wade into the deep dark abyssal void of depression, I watch a movie chock full of gore and violence and I feel happy and pumped up. The logic is that I let myself fall headlong into a depressive coma so that the slightest presence of emotion other than sadness it becomes an awesome thing instead.
2. What tangible object/material that you want so badly but still can't have it? And what makes you want it so badly?
Uh. There's a million things I want but I can't get so I'm not sure. I want to be surrounded by down to earth, humble intellectuals but unfortunately, most of them are quite fucking arrogant. I want to have a civil philosophical and, at times, theological debate with society but unfortunately, society is fucked up most of the time. I want a goddamned Japanese pipe but I lack the means to go to Japan. I want an acetylene torch but well, apparently walking around with the ability to melt someone's eyeballs is not accepted. So what the hell, I brood.
3. How do you write without having a slight care of how people will react to your writings? What keeps you inspired?
Why would I give a shit about what people think? I write what I want. Simply just that. If I actually put in consideration everybody's feelings I wouldn't be to realistically write anything at all. A children's book, maybe but I'm pretty sure a party will be able to accuse me of including some sort of sexual innuendo (Think Disney). What we write... We're supposed to generate some sort of emotion, some sort of a response, positive or negative, it doesn't matter. We have an obligation to the human race to bring out the deep, walled off emotion that many people have no idea was in them. And it's a hard thing to do, fucking hard. But then the satisfaction one receives from finally being able to do that... It's exhilarating. That's what keeps me going, and since my forte is fantasy, the rare chance to have someone read it and have their face lit up like a fucking lantern is magical.
4. If I can be the lover of a male celebrity in the 60s, who would it be?
This. Is of course an impossible decision to make. Not because I'm straight, but because there's too fucking many to choose from. Holy shit man. Paul Anka, Jimi Hendrix, Syd motherfucking Barrett, Johnny motherfucking Cash, Sinatra, Cohen, Zappa, Page, Hitchcock, Kubrick, Sagan, Hunter S. Thompson, Salinger, Asimov, and that's just a fucking fraction of the men. Do not get me started on the women! Gah. So no, I refuse to give a single name. If I was in the 60s, I would be a total man-slut.
5. What's the best moment of your life, that one moment when you realize that life may be scarred and pointless but at that time it seems worth it and you feel like drinking up the whole universe?
I think I talked about this in my now dead and rotting travel blog.
"One thing that I can explain is that as soon as that plane landed in Rome, I saw my fears manifest itself into a huge 16-wheeler truck and it's heading towards me at 160 km/h. I look to my left and right so that I might have a chance to evade it but all I see is treacherous waters with raging waves on one side and a deep abyss on the other. So what did I do? It might seem illogical; jumping into the waters might have been my best bet, and the infinite abyss does have a few pluses I can think of. Yet I dug my heels into the ground, grit my teeth and wait for the impact.
And it came. All my fears, each hammering itself into the core of my entity, flooding my lungs, galloping wildly through my veins... And I faced it. It was like looking at death and giving it the finger.
In Grenoble, I went into a cave without a guide (Not recommended, in fact, don't do it.) and found myself plunged in darkness. Most of the time I had to keep my mind straight or else I would've pissed my pants (Literally). It was the whole package: Darkness, cold, height, poisonous creature, lack of space... All it missed was clowns, but theres plenty of that later on. In that condition, I faltered, I felt like screaming (Literally but more like roaring, cause I'm so like a lion.) till at one point, I felt my conscience sigh, separate itself from my body and slapped my face with a pretty huge hand. Or a giant centipede, I'd rather not think of it. Then I felt my head clear up and I started to actually think and rationalize and finally, there was a source of light which I followed till I got out... The sun never felt so welcoming, the wind; never fresher, I fell on my back and I just started to eat up the world..."
So there, the time when I actually felt everything, no matter how shitty and fucked up, had something worth fighting for.
6. Your personal views on feminism.
Right. This question.
When it comes to women I think that the crowd that I keep close to me has always treated them with respect and kindness and at times, too much bias are given on our account to them. I also think that what I do is wrong.
Women are not helpless little cunts, they can do what men can do (With obvious limitations, of course). Sure, sometimes we do stuff and label it under the title of being a gentleman or 'It's how we're raised' and all of that is true but then again, what we did was simply breeding these fucking needy, dependent, softies that couldn't even prune a garden bed without freaking out about a chipped nail. This pisses me off because the only ladies who deserve to be treated as such most of the time do not need to be but the ones who are worth jackshit are complaining every fucking day through every fucking means saying things like 'What kind of a man doesn't open the door for a lady' and they conveniently forget that they act like fucking whores.
So when it comes to the feminist movements nowadays, I don't agree with everybody saying that we should side with the women on everything. Sure a few, like going against women abuse etc. but honestly, when you see things like this: Fuck and Fuck, it really fucks your perception. Then you have the stories of how some women call rape against men who didn't do shit to them, or frame them by first agreeing to sex etc. etc. I honestly can say that fuck feminism. It started as a great movement to bring equality of the sexes but now... Now it's just a fucking joke.
7. In the past 4 years, how have you changed. Pick an aspect and compare. Or have you not changed at all. And if not, why do you think that is.
Uh. Right. Let me think.
I don't believe in change. I honestly don't. I believe in the metamorphosis of the self, in which we retain all the shit that we were and have a new layer added on, like layers upon layers of skin. But I will humour that notion. I'd say the way I see the world has morphed. Before this I had an intense hatred really, to the human race, I abhorred us and our rampant uncontrolled fuckupperies.
In turn, I hated myself, hated that I was clothed in human flesh and have the mind of a human. Obviously I could not live that way so I rationalised, I'm mostly a neutral person, I don't destroy what nature has given me and I care about lives of other things. So I went on and on waging a debate against myself. Which helped. I think.
8. Looking at your suggestions in music, you seem to have a certain preferences of genre in music. Which essence of music highlights the most? The vocal? The musical instruments? Others? And explain why.
God damn, when it comes to music, I could never stay on one genre. I used to think that I was universal but then I know for a fact that I shun most rap music (With exceptions), I hate trance or dubstep or whatever kind of shit they are coming up with nowadays. So no, I'm not universal but at large, I still belief that I accept a lot.
The best ones depends on what mood I was in. Instrumentals when things are calm, really harsh rebellious shit when I'm distressed and every other thing in between. Of course, endless guitar solos intertwined with violins give my ears orgasm after orgasm.
9. What are your late night thoughts usually consists of? Considering how sometimes it's one of the reasons why people are being kept awake at night.
I'm not kept awake by my thoughts, in fact I think it helps me sleep. Mostly I think of characters, their features, what I might do with them (Or to them), or I think up unlikely scenarios and what I'd do in them, how I'd respond... Mostly I guess I think of the multiverse, and how we don't matter but that in itself did not stop us from living.
10. One place you want to go to. A real place. And why?
Motherfucking Japan. I want to see and maybe live in a place where there's an almost impossible balance between cultural preservation and urban development. It's insane how a country could have so many different cultures blended together. Sure we ourselves have a very diverse culture but we're more race-related whereas there it's one people, divided by choice into so many subgroups.
11. If you could recall, describe one of your most unforgettable experience while residing in the place probably "unfit to be labelled as a country". Doesn't matter if it's a pleasant one or not.
Hm. That's a tough one. I know I tend to express my hatred in so many forms but I cannot possibly deny that I gained so much wisdom there and maybe nowhere else.
Well fuck it, I'll pick the one I could remember recently because it's awesome as fuck. It was about two months of endless revelations and pain and fucking suffering and epic psychological madness. The first part is here: HurrDurr. Basically dreams and lots of awesome subconscious-related things.
Then, well things got bad. I found out I was broke, 22 bucks left to spend for 3 weeks. I had to depend on people a lot, which was quite... Destructive. Then exams were around and I had no books and I ate indomee most of the time etc. etc. Then one day I realised that I cannot fucking breathe properly, my lower chest seemed to be restricted. Considering I'm a smoker, I was pretty sure I was going to die. Or overreact. I'm always confused between the two. But what was amazing was that even if I might die, I was having a blast because it was a medical fucking mystery. Could my brain actually be fucking around so much to the point that it would affect my lungs? Is it just stress or is it fucking cancer? Exams came and the stress multiplied and more shit happened then after all that, I went to the bank, saw that I finally had money to spare and immediately, just like that, the restriction in my lung cleared up.
It was fucking awesome. I somehow got a tiny glimpse into the void of the subconscious and it was fucking glorious. Fucking. Glorious. Of course, I don't think I would go through all that shit again but who knows.
12. Have you ever wished for another reality to live in? If yes, then what kind of reality?
Sure, everybody has an alternate reality that they'd live in. I'd say... Probably Tolkien's legendarium. Second age. Hmmmm, as an Elf, or a Dwarf. Eh, I'd be a Maia if I could but that'd be a bit too much. Whatever it is, I at least would like to live long so that I could study and
Wait, wait, I take it back I need to be an elf. It's the only way I can
13. Your preferred genre of books, sir, I do like to know if there's a precise genre you'd absolutely be obsessed with in particular.
I tend to read whatever that's around me but I absolutely cannot resist fantasy. Especially the ones like The Sandman where Neil Gaiman intermingles popular characters from mythology or pop culture. It's plain fucking brilliant, you gain that familiarity with the characters simply by their name and what happens to them becomes an intimate affair.
14. Video games. RPG or RTS? Choose one.
Motherfucking RPG man, it's a no brainer. There's a much more personal feel to launching a chainsaw into a guy's groin or slicing another's ear off with a poisoned two-handed sword rather than ordering a few others to do it for me.
15. How would you visualize the way you would murder somebody?
So many ways. I do it on an hourly basis. Or at least every time I'm in the shower. So... I'm not sure what you're asking... What I know is that murder itself is a bore. It's the same thing, once you've killed someone, the thrill of the chase is gone. I mean if you really want a person to suffer, murder itself should never be considered. Pain. So many ways to inflict pain, so easy to regulate it, so easy... You can break a man with it, fine tune it, change it's position for a totally different sensation all together. So I don't think about the killing itself. I think about everything before that. It boils the blood. God damn.
Eargasm of the day:
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