Sleepless Nights 23 - Know Your Place.

I originally planned to write a short story at this time since I decided not to sleep. Then, quarter way through, I got mail from 1x. It was another reject.

Was I crushed? No, not really, I was disappointed, yes, but far from crushed. It just made me fucking hyper to know that I haven't reach the level where people actually rate my photo as a third rate. So I went through the Critique section (You gotta critique at least 3 photos to have yours posted in there) and saw these really awesome photos which got rejected. So I thought, hell fuck, these people are really into quality control, ya know. Towards the end; okay fine, I got bored I was only halfway through, there was this photo which to me wasn't really great and I didn't find it surprising that it was rejected. Basically what the dude said was:

1. No one can take this picture. Why the fuck is it rejected.

2. I'm a teenager, therefore I am subject to pity. Why the fuck is it rejected.

3. Compared to some pictures that got accepted, mine is way better. Why the fuck is it rejected.

Note: He took a picture of two dogs playing in the snow. Bad quality.

It's funny. Of course no one can take that picture, there can never be an equal photograph under any circumstances. And being a teenager makes you take bad photos? What the fuck man, stop telling the world that teenagers are fuck ups just coz you can't take a little criticism in your barbie doll life. Besides, who are you to judge whose photos are better, yours were oversaturated, not focused and had no detail whatsoever besides the two fucking dogs. Why are you being such a fucking jack-fucking-fuckfinn man?

I've been through that shit, thinking about all the fucken unfairness of the fucken world but when the time comes when I stop and review it, it makes all the fucking sense in the world. How the fuck are you supposed to even progress when you can't stand up and accept the harsh reality of the world? It doesn't revolve around you. Accept it or die in your vanity.

I saw this guys photo which was held up in Screening for a fucking week. Imagine his feelings when it was rejected. I don't see him complaining.

It's not just in photography. Photographers are not all fucken freaks of nature who cut themselves for fun. Well, okay, maybe some are; bipolar even but those are special. Anyway, as I was saying, what the fuck is wrong with shit fucks nowadays. Can't take a hit? You fucking pansy. And every single fucking time, the blame goes away from you. Why? Why can't you just accept the shit that's thrown to you with pride and with the mentality: You fuck me up, I'm gonna fuck you up twice as hard plus ultra sized dildos thrown in. (Not literally)

To err is to be a fucking human. What? You can't bear the thought of making a mistake? Who the fuck do you think you are? God? Heh, it's hilarious thinking that you fuckers are the fastest to get up and preach his word.

See, people are gonna ask me: 'Who pissed you off?'. What the fuck? Isn't it fucking obvious? It's fucking general society? The molding, rotting decrepit mongrels who label themselves as the good guys but behind closed fucking doors, they are the ones fucking polluting the world with the shit they spew out of their fucken pus filled mouths.

It's all the same things. Hate the Jews, fuck the coloured, the Malay Supremecy, You're going to Hell... It all comes down to this: A major fucked up Superiority Complex. Everybody wants to be in power. They crave for it, they'd stab their brothers and sisters to get to it, they'd use the fucking bond of kinship to finally cause a major disturbance and clear the way for their ultimate glory.

Everybody wants to be the good guy.

Know your fucking place.

Funny/Fucked Up Side...

You know that moment when you realise the fucken stupidity of it all? That the shit that had been said/done shouldn't have been said/done on the basis of simple logic?

Example 1:

Aku bukan nak kata apa la tapi ko ni pun agak-agak la bile bercampur ngan bebudak tu...

Budak mane?

Perempuan-perempuan tu la, aku tau la best tapi jage la sikit muke tu.

Eh wtf la brader, ko ingat aku masuk lepak ngan diorang aku buat ape? Fuck diorang ke? Buat project beramai-ramai dengan penuh meriahnye ke? Agak-agak la, nak syak sumer bende tu mmg aku tak kisah bhai tapi bile ko dah mule nak tuduh aku ni then sorry man, I won't take that shit even if your intentions are good.

Eh aku bukannye kate ape-ape pun, aku saje je cakap, takut nanti ade orang tegur ke, tak manis lak kan...

Habis tu ape yang ko buat ni memang manis lemak berkrim la ye?

Weh aku bagi nasihat je ni, ko sebagai membe patut amik dan pikirkanlah.

Nasihat? Setau aku la, orang yang bagi nasihat ni bagi nasihat tu bile die betul-betul paham ngan ape tengah jadi, bukan pakai bantai je on the basis of 'I'm a fucking good samaritan'. And since ko tak pernah ade situasi cam yang ko cakap aku buat ni, ko lagila takleh nak cakap ape jadah. Coz entah-entah ko nanti buat bende lagi teruk- given the chance- dari aku. So stop trying to act like a smart fucker and improve yourself first before you speak to me. Meshi?

Example 2

What's your number?

9.

9?

Yes.

Isn't it 18?

Oh wait, yeah it's 18.

Example 3

I hate this group of people. On second thoughts, I hate this group of fuckers too... Wait, nah, I hate these heretics. Shit, look cameras, I'll hate them too! I know! Let's hate everyone and post it on my blog! Yay!

Stupid fuck...

Example 4

Hmmm I think I'm super-religious. Therefore I shalt spread ze love through my mindless preaching.

Uh, okay, it's not wrong to spread the love but dude, come on, there are limits. Don't come to a point where salvation is prevented because of your word.

Dah, fuck I'm bored.

Some funny shit.

Is it just me or does having your head filled with medical shit at 2 in the morning make things funnier?

HAHAHAHA

Anyways, fuck will be me at integrated tomorrow. Yays!

Sleepless Nights 22 - Caritas Romana.

I find myself being a tad bit obsessed with this 'Caritas Romana' thing. Okay, maybe very obsessed... And please, to those who googled that shit, don't whine to me about myself being a perverted freak of fucken nature. Coz I am, and you're just fucken jealous.

I honestly do not see it through a sexual point of view, if my word can be taken seriously. It's the humanitarian point that I accept and admire, I mean fuck, I just traded In Hoc Signo Vinces for that shit man, cut me some slack. It's noble yet sensual, acceptable yet erotic. It's duality is beyond question...

Anyway, I hate Egyptian old school women who like to chill out by the stairs. I mean, shit, that's the only way to the roof and you expect me to take a million of your photos first? That's extreme vanity yo! Well if you are super hot with enough luggage to make me worship you then, a-hem, I'd overlook the vanity part. But you're old. And you laugh to much.

I realise on some days, Alexandria's skies aren't that fucked up, I think star shots are possible but it'd take heavy editing to make it look the least bit acceptable... Right now, hit list number 1: Street lights. All of 'em fucken vermins.

Now that I'm back in Egypt, I don't really miss M'sia. It's a complicated thing, I kinda look at M'sia as if it's some sort of fable, where the Milky Way is always in view and the stars are as bright as venus... And filled to the brim with naked hot babes strolling around and they are all in an 'open relationship'. Oh yeah, that'd work. Of course, M'sia is not any of the above, not the least bit near but let's just say the mamaks represent all of this. Oh and please God, stop any family members from getting married next 4 years... I don't really wanna go back.

Oh short story coming up, keep yer eyes peeled.

Truffles

'Why is your blog dead?'

It's not. I'm just in Egypt.

Seriously, I run out of things to do here. I was sincerely hoping that the sky would be awesome here but the street lights and the dust just clouds up the fucking sky. So I guess getting star shots here is like trying to wank to 2 girls and 1 cup. So I look for things around the house to bring out the artistic side of me and the closest that I got to that was in the morning looking at the water heater's plug frying the extension wire. Wait, I think that was the fear of being electrocuted. So yeah, photography is out.

I try to write and it keeps on getting jammed, it's like the words all try to bust out at once and it gets stuck in my mind, like fucken sewer material clogging up the drains... I go online and I get bored in 2 seconds.

The books that I got from M'sia is lying in a pile in my bag. With all the fucken things going on I can't read in fucking peace. Gonna try the roof later, let's see where that gets me.

On the other hand, a few guys discussing truffles at 2 in the morning is as funny as it can get. The mushrooms I mean. Christ, who eats those fucken things...

Oh and please, fucking give me ideas for photography or writing, I'm dying here.

Love in it's purest form.

Yeah, title is super corny. Pay no heed.

Note: This post is about the love towards books.

How do you know that you have fallen in love with books?

Is it the knots in your stomach that suddenly forms when you start to slowly, without haste unwrap the plastic wrappings of a new, fresh of the shelf book?

Is it the utter disregard of your surroundings once you have begun to read one?

Or is it the sheer joy to just be in a room full of cabinets stacked with books, or the dread that fills the heart when you see a page of a book torn?

Is it the feeling of dismay once you actually realise that a book is coming to an end and you force yourself to stop reading at a normal phase but digest each word slowly and with an ounce of effort?

Is it the feeling of hate and abhorrence once you realise that a book is not to your liking but you force yourself to read it till the end; knowing that if you set it down, you may never again sleep in peace?

Perhaps it is the utter joy and bliss that you experience once you realise that you have found a perfect book for you?

Is it all of these mingled into one?

Or does none of these count?

Does it really matter then? Is a book in reality just a few pages bound together, in which there is nothing magical about it? Or is the truth hidden from our mortal eyes, forever we shall be doomed to ponder about these matter?

Does a book in fact hold the keys to eternal glory, of magnificence and of immortality? Does it hide the fact that one could swim through vast oceans, cross mountains of flames, fight monsters and abominations to save one's true love just by reading?

I realise I could fucking care less.

I kneel and I am content.