Random Questions - Newfriend edition

1) What’s your biggest pet peeve about people?

That somehow they believe that there's a way out from the whole human nature cycle. This includes a lot of things e.g. "If I'm good then the world will be good to me" and so on. All that karmic bullshit, basically.

It's nice on paper, don't get me wrong but when you see it going on, it becomes so god damned annoying. And then you have the ones that try to convince you that their way could be the solution to the world's crisis.

2) What’s the most horrible childhood story can you share?

I don't exactly have a childhood worthy of song but okay. There was this one time. I was 11, I think. Got a girfriend (If that word can even be applied at that age) and then turns out she was an astronomically megacunt.

She got into the 'relationship' as a dare or something. She broke up with me by some stupid fucking drain and her friends were there giggling like the little hormonal harpies they truly are. She gave me a letter and forced me to read it aloud; which I did while smiling. I don't think I properly understood what sadness was back then. Strangely, I still remember what was written on that piece of paper. It went something like 'She's owned by S**d who was this other guy. I still want to punch him in the fucking face but it's because he was generally a yolk slurping bastard.

So I looked them straight in the eyes, tore the paper slowly tossed it into the drain and said 'Do what you want'. No cursing because my vocab was very limited back then. Was I supposed to leave it at that? Perhaps, but I'm a vindictive fucker. So I started writing pornographic shorts about the merry little band of cunts. It circulated, made fap material probably and eventually, there were two other guys who contributed to the porno book.

Eventually this fucking whiteknight; Syahir Zakaria the fuckface, thought that it was immoral to do something like that. He stole the book from my fucking back and gave it to the Disciplinary teacher. I punched him in the face for that. So teacher got to know. Mom was called. Big problem. And then... Nothing. I was let loose because it was almost time for UPSR.

Funny thing is, the girl added me on Facebook a year back. She's in some backwoods jungle town doing god knows what. I didn't even reply to her message. Maybe I should.

3) Given a chance, would you bang Natalie Portman or Christina Hendricks?

I have never seen Christina Hendricks as sexually appetizing. Natalie it is.

4) What do you love about medicine?

Getting to stab people legally is kind of awesome, to be honest. But I guess what attracts me the most to our immortal Empress is how multidimensional it is. I mean you're doing medicine but at the same time you see so much more that just that. Sick people are the biggest cunts. Doctors having nervous breakdowns. Day after day, you're reminded of your own mortality; right in front of your eyes. It makes you think about what you've done before and how significant of an action it was. Most of the time it amounts to nothing.

You see humanity at every stage. That's the best thing.

5) Biggest regret?

This might sound strange. There was this one time where I went to Midvalley with my best friend for a film. On the way back, there was this girl - Who was physically so god damned attractive, words aren't even worthy - and she smiled and waved at me. Kind of weird because I looked like a rapist disguised as a monk. So I turned around and there was nobody else and when I looked at her she nodded, as if saying 'Yes, dummy, I am in fact smiling at you'. She was alone. She looked sad.

And then my bastard filth of a best friend came and forced me to leave. My biggest regret? Saying yes to him.

No, this isn't some sort of pussy wetting story about how I could've found my one true love that night in Midvalley. It's about opportunities and how I let them go so easily without a fraction of doubt. I always always wondered what happened to the girl and this was six years ago. Was she relieved I left? Was she a succubi that had a tummy rumblies? What would've happened if I had gone to her side? Would I be a father of six by now? What if she was depressed and needed a friend? What if it made her so sad she killed herself? What if she was taken advantage by the constantly dodgy people that permanently resided there at night?

It sounds ridiculous, I realise. But sometimes, the smallest events can have such a major impact.

6) Favourite food?

What is with people and asking this question? It cannot be fucking answered. It's like asking me what my favourite word is. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF FOOD THERE IS IN THE WORLD? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO CHOOSE ONE?!

7) What do you like in girls/guys/dogs?

I'd appreciate it if they don't drool on me. Wait, I have a feeling you didn't mean for this to be inclusive.

Girls: Intellectual, hilarious, direct, forward and aggressive. None of that hinting bullshit unless used as a jape.
Guys: Intellectual, hilarious, direct, forward and maybe not so aggressive because I'd probably lose.
Dogs: Short haired, obedient, immortal and can speak two languages. Doesn't have to be a pure bred because pure bred dogs are faggotrons. Sorry, Babe.

8) How would you fix Malaysia?

There's this pornstar called Malaysia. I don't know how to fix her.

If it was up to me; education reform. Abolish vernacular schools. Get all three races into one cohesive unit. Every schoolkid has to learn English, Malay plus Chinese or Tamil. Get them all on the same grounds, being able to actually fucking communicate with each other and from there, eliminate the racial discrimination. Pool the resources. Get rid of the quota system. Introduce meritocracy. Eventually the Malays will have to buck up and get their shit together. Eventually, these kids will grow up to understand the meaning of hard work and only the worthy will climb the stairs to leadership.

Something like that. Obviously still very flawed but I'm thinking of it.

9) What about Egypt?

A nuclear bomb will suffice.

10) What’s wrong with kids nowadays?

When you're talking about kids, look at the parents. I honestly believe that the issues associated with our youth nowadays has been present since the dawn of mankind. The difference is upbringing. I'm not saying back then, parents were definitely better but the lack of technology forced them to deal with their kids in a whole different way.

Nowadays, I see 5 year olds with their own fucking iPads. While I do not argue that there are benefits to it, there must also be regulation and regulation is the job of the parents. If you give the iPad to a kid JUST because you want him to shut the fuck up and leave you alone while you engage in some BDSM loving with your significant other, then you're the problematic one.

Take me for example. I encompass the very definition of the antichrist in the making when I was a kid but I got my Mom to keep me in chains. While she did not succeed in making me normal, it was a feat that I turned out to be this tame instead of stabbing everybody in my primary school with a stake under the rationale that they're vampires.

Parents being fucking stupid was why Nurin ended up dead in a sportsbag. Parents being stupid is why I see 10 year olds at the fucking mamak at 3 in the morning. Parents being stupid is why children are raping other children.

11) What’s an achievement you’re particularly proud of?

Can't think of anything. Playing Katawa Shoujo (A visual novel thing) and finding the ability to feel this whole range of emotion that I thought wasn't present.

12) [Name] is pretty damn awesome. Agree?

She's okay, I guess. The messiah syndrome gets infuriating sometimes.

13) If you had to give up all animal products except one, what’s that one exception?

I'd rather die.

13) What’s do you treasure most in this world?

My family, obviously. My insane, sometimes intolerable family.

14) Five bands you have to catch live before you die of a smoking/alcohol related death.

Butterfingers was disbanded so I'll just put Monoloque instead.
Mogwai.
Portugal The Man
Yoshida Brothers
Foo Fighters

15) Are atheists wrong? Or are religious zealots idiots?

Regardless of their beliefs, it is impossible to justify extremism. My best friend is an atheist and we can sit and debate about religion all day wrong without being offended. Same goes for some pious people I know. On the other spectrum I know this kid who's an atheist and he makes it a point to rub it in everyone's faces. And I know many others who are Muslims but do nothing to help improve the image of Islam.

16) Any grudges you hold til this day?

Not really. Kind of surprising but if I can't exact my vengeance in person, I don't waste time thinking about it.

17)If you can change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Only one thing? Er. I'm stuck between the ability to convert every emotion into anger and my social anxiety issues.

18) How do you feel about kids?

Pretty indifferent to them. Unless they're mine or related by blood. If they're mine, I'd probably hate them for the stupid fucking shit they do but at the same time, castrate anybody else who does it.

19) Shag marry or kill; Rosmah, Hillary Clinton or that MH370 bomoh.

Shag the bomoh, marry Clinton and kill Kak Ros. Assert dominance, get money and kill Rosmah because I want to see if that hair is real.

I can't be the only one who's fucking curious.

20) What’s your guilty pleasure?

I'm not aware that I should feel guilty about anything I deem pleasurable.

21) Favourite shower song. Be honest, you motherfucker.


I'm not even embarrassed.

22) One odd habit others might find absolutely disgusting.

I have a secretion towel.

23) Sex or food?

Food. Fucking obviously.

24) You can only take one thing to a desert island, what the hell is that one thing? And no, a woman is out of the question.

A boat. A woman can come later on the bloody boat.

25) What, in your opinion, is the sexiest language.

Court Malay. When used right, it can give Godzilla butterflies in her stomach.

26) One man you would go Elton John gay for.

Neil fucking Gaiman. I'm not even convinced that I'm not gay because of him.

27) Favourite physical feature of a woman

The lips. The ones on the face, in case you had something else in mind. If her smile is shitty, that's the end of it. But of course, there must be some sort of proportionality. If her lips are of an angel but the rest look as if it was run over by a lawn mower... That's still a no.

28) What’s the best way to die?

Old, happy and sleeping.

29) One overrated movie.

I don't know. Pulp Fiction?

30) What was the last movie you cried watching?

Taegukgi. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezus.

31) Have you experimented with drugs?

No, never. I have never done drugs. Ever. Because I'm such a good example. All of my knowledge about drugs comes from wild guessing that I get right all the time. Drugs are bad for you, mmkay?

32) Do you believe that we need government subsidies?

That would largely depend on who this 'we' you are referring to. If as a nation, perhaps we do but achieving a developed nation status might change that.

33) Dream job?

Fisherman that gets visited by the seven magical princesses.

34) Do you believe in true love?

This question again. Wait, let me copy and paste my last response.

Well, it exists. And if it exists, I'll be a fool if I don't believe in it.

But the question runs deeper, I think. I believe in love but more so in the extremely varied expression of it. A parent's love differs so much from one another; one might love their kids and force them to go through a life full of hardship, another might opt for them to not lift a finger. A spouse's love might end up with him/her leaving the other or not letting the other go at any cost.

A person's love might force him to leave his partner of four years suddenly because there might be a slightest bit of chance that he knows that staying will only make it worse. Hey. You told me to be straight-forward.

Above it all, I believe in this chemical reaction in the brain that stretches out astronomically. The emotion doesn't matter. The expression does.