I'm an extremely private person, I don't like to share what happened to me or what I plan to happen to me, especially to people I don't know that well. Yet people prod and poke and try to drill a fucking hole. For God's sake, I don't even tell my best friends what goes on in my brain, except for the minor details.
When you say 'Why all the secrecy?' and I answer 'Why not?', I'm not fucking joking. I do it because I can afford to, and I can bear the burden that you cannot bear. Face the fact that some people need to open up and some; like me, are born with a hard shell and we prefer to keep it clamped shut. It does not make any of us superior, nor does it makes us inferior. We're bound to be ourselves.
I have sins from my past that I cannot get rid of, deep inside, I know that hell, there's no way I can be forgiven for it. I was young, I was fucking stupid. Too stupid. Yes, I can't sleep at night when i dream of what I did, yes I sometimes go to such lengths to see if I can still feel a somewhat larger amount of pain to counter the one that's been festering in me. However, these reasons still does not give you any fucking right to act like a messiah. I don't need one and frankly, you are not qualified.
Yes, look to me as a freak of nature, an Aleister Crowley even, I prefer that but don't, for fuck's sake don't look at me as one of your own. I do not want to be a part of it and I prefer to be alone. In one way or another, I will drag you down.
Trying to give me advices are futile because since I'm a pretty big jackass (A knowledgeable one at that, if I may add) I will overrule your words and you will hate me for it. You're human, it's bound to happen. Besides, I don't listen, even when I should, my mind is free and it's wild and it's shrewd.
They once said I was that guy, someone that's gonna make it big. I smiled but inside, all i was thinking of was 'How the fuck can you see the future?' As far as I was concerned, I worry only about today and not tomorrow. Even a hobo can make it, it doesn't matter who you are.
Fuck.
7 comments:
probably they're just concern bout u. :)
'' blogwalking. i noe it's ghey''
Unfortunately, I don't give a fuck.
And the only thing that's 'ghey' is your name.
me? haha! easy there..
Anonymity is irritating. I'm cranky, go away.
Cranky pants. You are so high up there, you don't know what you're missing down here.
Too bad you prefer to be alone. You and your stubborn little jackass bone in you is a great friend.
Funny, I've always looked at it the opposite way, me in cesspit, and others, out there. Though I must say, it's pretty cozy here without people blabbering and whining.
Jackass bone? Le Gasp! Please tell me that no innuendo is intended. Ah well, the world is full of irony now isn't it.
No innuendo intended. What am I, Sufi?
Yeah, irony. That's it.
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