I don't get to say this much...

So I am going to ramble on and on until your ears bleed out every milliliter of blood. Then I'm going to put you beside a vampire and make fun of the vampire. Cause you're pale, see, and I'll call the vampire an Asian. See? Vampires are pale but now you're paler, so the vampire will look tanned and hence- Rajinikanth!

Seriously, are your ears bleeding yet?

Digression.

Point is, today was, simply put, fucking awesome. It's like I was a Japanese superstar on a plane out of Japan and looking out the window, I see a mushroom cloud over Hiroshima. I had impregnated a demon-girl in Hiroshima and she's going to give birth to sextuplet anti-christs. Now the world is safe and I get to bang another demon chic, possibly Ramona Flowers, but you know, I'll settle for Amy Lee.

(Demon form includes thick eyeliner, french maid costumes; cause demons are sluts, six inch stilettos and uh... Bondage. And maybe even bat wings. Mini ones. Pay attention, man.)

But... I'm awesome...

Wait, where was I. Oh yes, I was being awesome. Let's begin.

So, number one, no sleep at all which is no big of a deal really but being awesome, I must include suspense, which meant I'm not finished. Seriously, try to keep up. So, no sleep at all, but I went through the day without fatigue. At all. In fact I feel fucking hyper. This might be due to the gargantuan amount of coffee I downed through the process of upping my already awesome self but lets ignore that fact and leave it to the envious people to whine upon. Point being, no sleep, no fatigue, yes awesome.

Two. I downed a dangerous amount of coffee even for a... uh... seasoned caffeine participant such as yours truly. The awesome part is that I did not get the nausea/gastric pain/ MY STOMACH IS ON FIRE!!! part. I just felt insanely good. And hyper. And mildly high. And Scott Pilgrim.

Three. I went down, out of my residence and almost immediately, some dude asked me for a light. Happens all the time. Then I knew a fraction of what Prometheus felt like when he gave fire to the measly humans. Seriously, this, I shit you not. I know that I fabricate most of my stories through my sheer awesome imagination but this shit is so fucking absurd that I cannot make it up. As I walked past the dude above, two others asked for a light. At a gas station, which I shall make no further comments on. Then twenty meters or so further up the street; this happened:

It was not a Shelby GT500. It was a 4x4.

and then;

It was not a tram, I wasn't walking on the tracks, and... Fuck.

Anyway, a 4x4 came speeding right in my direction and because of my uber-awesomeness, I did not flinch. Again, it might be the dying nerves in my brain, but seriously man, envy is really a bad thing. At the last moment, the car swerved to the right a bit, narrowly missing me and it came to a screeching halt. The tinted windows from the driver's side came down, and sitting there was some dude with more cockiness than a cock. He asked for a light, drew deeply, exhaled and held his fist for me to pump. Then he fucked off. All the while, my face looked somewhat like this:

With eyebrows.

There was another guy who asked me for a light but he seemed unsettling so I shall not mention him.

Four. I went to arabic handwriting and bullshit my way through it without getting stared at. I even got one fucking right. WITHOUT HELP.

FIve. Seriously, I'm still not tired.

Six. Walked from the Convention Centre to the main road by the sea in an approximately straight line and not stopping. No, not even for traffic. Cause you know, aura and puppies and blankets.

Wait. Where did that sword go?

Finally. I hopped on a tramco that was empty. At 4 pm. If you are not in Egypt, then this might not seem of grave importance, somewhat childish even. But my awesomeness will make you think twice because fuck, why would I write it down? But seriously, the tramco was empty, totally empty only me and the driver, all the way till I reach home, in which at the moment I stepped out, people hoarded said tramco.

Jesus fuck you know what, I'm gonna go consume the moon.