Saturday, October 1, 2011

Being 20.

I turned 20 a few days ago. It was... awkward. No, it wasn't as if I suddenly found myself burdened by a new found responsibility or some shit, no nothing like that.

I turned 20 and I realised that I haven't moved on at all. I'm still in the same state of non-achievement that I was say two or three years ago. This pains me.

I'v gotten nowhere, it seems. Everybody else who share my passions have at least gone and done something which has gotten them some sort of recognition in the respective circles. Photography wise, Sukh is in OneXposure which quite frankly, is one hell of a feat considering the limitations of equipment etcetera. Writing wise, well, look at Ani, 'Neener' is plainly fucking amazing. It's fun to read, smooth, ridden with twists and laced with humour. In all honesty, read it, it'll blow your mind. That's saying a lot from a person who under normal circumstances, detests fan-fiction.

Myself? Thousands of photos, hundreds of poems and prose. In my laptop gathering dust. I haven't gone ahead, haven't actually been recognised, haven't reached the point where I could pride myself in what I do. Don't get me started on Medicine, I've come to a point where I'm doing it because I've done it for three years. It's interesting and fun even, but sigh. It's just messed up.

Sure, some of you (If there actually is an entity labelled you reading this.) will go ahead and say 'For fuck's sake mate, you're fucking twenty.To which I reply: So what? Can I not aspire at this age? What is the fucking sense in waiting till I'm fucking forty to only start feeling like shit? Fuck, as far as I'm concerned, twenty is already a ripe age to get out there and show people what you're made of.

Just spiffy, you know. Turning twenty could drive a sane man suicidal. Or not. So much for being special, eh woman, where's the fucking masterpiece now?

Somehow, at this point I could actually see myself doing Medicine for the rest of my life.

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