Immensely. I shit you not on this and I swear it on the soul of a star and the body of the moon with mortals as my witness and the earth; my judge. (That actually sounds pretty fucking awesome. Oh, me.)
Anyway, since I haven't been updating as much as I should (Should? What is this should?), I've come up with a list of the ultimate acts of fuckberries that tend to poke at the demonic being sleeping in me. Think Azathoth. Wait, I forgot. You don't know who Azathoth is, do you. Oh, you.
1. Slow walkers.
Why: Because they are a pest on the street and should be swiftly exterminated.
I'm not talking about people who take leisurely walks. I do that, everybody does that, what I truly fucking mean is how some people tend to walk in groups and since their embryological development must have been arrested at just about the time things like manners and consideration began to form, the fact eludes them. Hog the street by fucking walking alongside each either like the great wall of motherfucking fuckness and ignore the environment.
That's not the worst of it, the ultimate uh, G-spot of anger stimulation is when you pass them and they give you a look as if you're the biggest fucking candy-ass in existence. At that point, it seems as if you're the one that's actually in the fucking wrong, not these fucks that hog the goddamn pavement like it's their goddamn fucking gift to mankind. And when that happens, my wrath escalates to a whole new fucking level.
Fucking cunts deserve to be flayed and thrown into an acid bath.
2. Indecisive Speech.
Again, no, I'm not talking about how you tend to think about shit before you actually do it. I'm talking about people who... Fuck, let's take an example.
A: *Playing video games or raping a 75 year old mastectomy patient*
B: Dude, what the fuck man, you should *Insert carefully planned instructions here* and then you'll get there.
A: Right, okay.
B: Oh, but you know, that's what I think, if you don't want to do it then it's okay.
Look, I generally absofuckinglutely abhor people who tend to tell me what to do when there's so many other ways to do it. Like when you can go left, he/she berates you about the benefits of going right instead. So while I already am offended and pissed, he/she suddenly acts all saint-like and gives a little bastard laugh with the words: Oh, but you know, just from my perspective. Well fuck your perspective you fucking cum-guzzler, do you honestly think that I actually need your guidance doing something which one needs no special skills to master? It's like telling a guy how to hold his fucking cock while he takes a piss.
In contrast, I'd appreciate it a fuckload more if you'd shout at me like, at least then I'll have the excuse to elbow you in the goddamn mouth.
3. Bad Table Manners.
This one is fucking simple, yet so many people fuck it up. I don't particularly blame the participant to be honest, it's their upbringing innit? Still, it pisses me the fuck off, more so then anything else. If you still don't get what I mean, here's a scenario. You're doing something which more or less needs little or no concentration at all. Then comes a person who sits beside you. Said person has some sort of foodstuff and yeah, you admit, you feel quite hungry at the time too. Then he starts to eat, and then this:
Why? I understand your obvious confusion reader(s?) but allow me to explain. The moment said associate starts eating, the noise that starts to be emitted from his/her mouth is not only fucking nauseating but also fucking infuriating. I can think of at least ten more verbs but let me just stop myself. It's amazing to discover how the human mouth could make such squelchy fucking noises but most of the time, my meagre admiration is swiftly and brutally murdered by the overwhelming wrath.
The thing is, okay, I get it, you're used to eating with your mouth open and have mastered the art of SBUM (Sonic Booms Upon Mastication) but is it really that fucking hard to close your goddamned mouth when you eat in public? Yes, I actually am being fucking anal here and this is one of the times when I think that I'm allowed to be a fucking cunt.
4. Runny Noses.
This is the pattern. Easy maladies that can be overcome with a bit of cheap materials but people don't do it cause fuck what everybody else experiences, I could care less.
I actually know what it feels like to have a runny nose that fucking leaks every half a day or so. Been there, nothing special about it. Yeah, okay, drugs make you drowsy, fine. What about tissues then? There'll be too much of them lying around? Okay that seems legit, after all, who wants shit like that. What about handkerchiefs then? You're allergic to them? Yeah, now I'm allergic to your fucking presence.
No, you refuse all of these fucking solutions, turning instead to snorting that shit back up your nose and making a fucking racket. Every three fucking seconds. I don't know man, to me it seems like a pretty simple thing to combat. Blow your nose. That simple, really.
5. Parasites That Make a Mockery Out of The Art.
Ah yes. This. Well then.
I don't think I need to explain about the parasitic nature of yours truly. What I want to outline is the fact that some people try to be parasites and end up making a fucking fool out of themselves.
As much as it seems unrealistic for a fellow parasite to follow a set of rules, it's true. It's mostly logic of course.
i. Always have a backup plan. You know, just in case what you want for free becomes unattainable without some sort of compensation from your pockets.
ii. If you're leeching off friends, never aim the same place twice in a week. That saves you the fucking misery of passive-aggressiveness. Also, seriously man, are you that daft?
iii. Never ever reveal your intent e.g. 'Oh man, you should give me some free food.' or 'I'm going to your house for dinner and then I'm going to leave without any feeling of shame'.
iv. Never fucking leech off your permanent contacts.
The final one has always been my favourite. People whom you know will be there for a long fucking time, you don't fuck around with them. For me it's family. You don't fucking parasitise upon family. Or be picky with them. Of course, I'd like to say that everybody should follow the guidelines but I guess some people are not really built for it.
Nowadays you have these buggers that go around proudly exposing the fact that they're parasites with utter disregard of any fucking decency. Fucking cunts. Rot in the tenth circle of hell.
6. Hygiene.
If you have known me, or at least known my good friend Common Sense, you'd know that when it comes to hygiene, I'm not the champion of it. I am, however extremely particular about a few items.
My rule is simple. Rooms can be as dirty as you want them to be, hey, go fucking nuts decorating your walls with faeces, I don't care. What I do care however is the condition of the toilet and the fucking kitchen.
Really, is it that fucking hard to clean up the dishes or fucking keep the WC in a soothing condition? Fucking dirty dishes, hair in the sink-hole, are they really that hard to dispose off? It pisses me the fuck off, holy fuck it's a fucking plate for God's sake, fucking wash it already.
7. Whiny Little Fucks.
You've got problems. Yeah, I get that. You need to talk it out and vent, yeah I kinda get that too. What I don't get is the fact that you must, YOU MUST continuously repeat the fact that your fucking life sucks mega-proton-metsu-hadouken-balls to me. I am actually boasting here and the truth is that I'm a pretty good listener but going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...
About it does not make me any fucking wiser about the matter at hand. Yes, I have an impeccable understanding of the situation now but no, I do not know what to do even if you tell the same fucking thing a million fucking times. I get pissed off and when I get pissed off I isolate myself and when I isolate myself, you no longer have a fuck-buddy place to rant and when you no longer have a place to rant, you call me a selfish cunt.
Two things which piss me off about it. One; you find the need to actually tell people about your problems and fucking drag them into the chasm that you yourself haven't climbed out of. This is forgiveable actually, no matter how much a cunt it makes you seem like. Two; the fact that you have not even tried to fucking resolve the problem on your own, in fact, you do absolutely nothing about it, non-whatsoever. You don't even try to help yourself and your first fucking impulse was to seek out the nearest fuck and tell said fuck all about it.
Fucking cunts, the lot of yous.
Eargasm of the day: Fuck, I keep forgetting this fucking segment in.
Anyway, since I haven't been updating as much as I should (Should? What is this should?), I've come up with a list of the ultimate acts of fuckberries that tend to poke at the demonic being sleeping in me. Think Azathoth. Wait, I forgot. You don't know who Azathoth is, do you. Oh, you.
1. Slow walkers.
Why: Because they are a pest on the street and should be swiftly exterminated.
I'm not talking about people who take leisurely walks. I do that, everybody does that, what I truly fucking mean is how some people tend to walk in groups and since their embryological development must have been arrested at just about the time things like manners and consideration began to form, the fact eludes them. Hog the street by fucking walking alongside each either like the great wall of motherfucking fuckness and ignore the environment.
 |
| This is what I feel like doing every single fucking time. Also, guy on far right looks like an elephant. |
Fucking cunts deserve to be flayed and thrown into an acid bath.
2. Indecisive Speech.
Again, no, I'm not talking about how you tend to think about shit before you actually do it. I'm talking about people who... Fuck, let's take an example.
A: *Playing video games or raping a 75 year old mastectomy patient*
B: Dude, what the fuck man, you should *Insert carefully planned instructions here* and then you'll get there.
A: Right, okay.
B: Oh, but you know, that's what I think, if you don't want to do it then it's okay.
Look, I generally absofuckinglutely abhor people who tend to tell me what to do when there's so many other ways to do it. Like when you can go left, he/she berates you about the benefits of going right instead. So while I already am offended and pissed, he/she suddenly acts all saint-like and gives a little bastard laugh with the words: Oh, but you know, just from my perspective. Well fuck your perspective you fucking cum-guzzler, do you honestly think that I actually need your guidance doing something which one needs no special skills to master? It's like telling a guy how to hold his fucking cock while he takes a piss.
In contrast, I'd appreciate it a fuckload more if you'd shout at me like, at least then I'll have the excuse to elbow you in the goddamn mouth.
3. Bad Table Manners.
This one is fucking simple, yet so many people fuck it up. I don't particularly blame the participant to be honest, it's their upbringing innit? Still, it pisses me the fuck off, more so then anything else. If you still don't get what I mean, here's a scenario. You're doing something which more or less needs little or no concentration at all. Then comes a person who sits beside you. Said person has some sort of foodstuff and yeah, you admit, you feel quite hungry at the time too. Then he starts to eat, and then this:
 |
| When I'm angry, I start to fucking do a form of destructive ballet. Also, holy shit, the curves on that lady. |
The thing is, okay, I get it, you're used to eating with your mouth open and have mastered the art of SBUM (Sonic Booms Upon Mastication) but is it really that fucking hard to close your goddamned mouth when you eat in public? Yes, I actually am being fucking anal here and this is one of the times when I think that I'm allowed to be a fucking cunt.
4. Runny Noses.
This is the pattern. Easy maladies that can be overcome with a bit of cheap materials but people don't do it cause fuck what everybody else experiences, I could care less.
I actually know what it feels like to have a runny nose that fucking leaks every half a day or so. Been there, nothing special about it. Yeah, okay, drugs make you drowsy, fine. What about tissues then? There'll be too much of them lying around? Okay that seems legit, after all, who wants shit like that. What about handkerchiefs then? You're allergic to them? Yeah, now I'm allergic to your fucking presence.
 |
5. Parasites That Make a Mockery Out of The Art.
Ah yes. This. Well then.
I don't think I need to explain about the parasitic nature of yours truly. What I want to outline is the fact that some people try to be parasites and end up making a fucking fool out of themselves.
 |
| This came up as a search result. Oh sir Google, you know me all too well. |
i. Always have a backup plan. You know, just in case what you want for free becomes unattainable without some sort of compensation from your pockets.
ii. If you're leeching off friends, never aim the same place twice in a week. That saves you the fucking misery of passive-aggressiveness. Also, seriously man, are you that daft?
iii. Never ever reveal your intent e.g. 'Oh man, you should give me some free food.' or 'I'm going to your house for dinner and then I'm going to leave without any feeling of shame'.
iv. Never fucking leech off your permanent contacts.
The final one has always been my favourite. People whom you know will be there for a long fucking time, you don't fuck around with them. For me it's family. You don't fucking parasitise upon family. Or be picky with them. Of course, I'd like to say that everybody should follow the guidelines but I guess some people are not really built for it.
Nowadays you have these buggers that go around proudly exposing the fact that they're parasites with utter disregard of any fucking decency. Fucking cunts. Rot in the tenth circle of hell.
6. Hygiene.
If you have known me, or at least known my good friend Common Sense, you'd know that when it comes to hygiene, I'm not the champion of it. I am, however extremely particular about a few items.
 |
| You wish you could get up in the morning and fucking look like this while taking a bath. |
Really, is it that fucking hard to clean up the dishes or fucking keep the WC in a soothing condition? Fucking dirty dishes, hair in the sink-hole, are they really that hard to dispose off? It pisses me the fuck off, holy fuck it's a fucking plate for God's sake, fucking wash it already.
7. Whiny Little Fucks.
You've got problems. Yeah, I get that. You need to talk it out and vent, yeah I kinda get that too. What I don't get is the fact that you must, YOU MUST continuously repeat the fact that your fucking life sucks mega-proton-metsu-hadouken-balls to me. I am actually boasting here and the truth is that I'm a pretty good listener but going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...
 |
| ... Apparently... A band... |
Fucking cunts, the lot of yous.
Eargasm of the day: Fuck, I keep forgetting this fucking segment in.
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