The following are notes copied directly from a weathered notebook written by yours truly while in Turkey. Of course, certain details must be veiled for suspense's sake and because I particularly don't enjoy people exclaiming over small matters.
1. Old grandma in Converse being social on the bus. Aku nak tidur la sial. Dia tengah rilek gila cerita life story dia.
2. Nothing could have prepared us for this motherfucing cold. Macam hati Pol Pot.
3. Seriously. Fucking cold.
4. Cari hostel sampai lekang lutut.
5. Owner hostel nama Yokan. Terus teringat Yoshi Mario.
6. Bhaiyya tidur mati. I'm bored. Took a walk and froze my ass off. I shit you not my nose almost fell off.
7. Mahal! 7.50 Lira?! What the fuck?!
8. Turkey's stereotype exists. Jatuh cinta dengan empat puluh peratus populasi wanita sambil berjalan. <6/10 does not exist. At all.
9. Kids are stupid. I saw one struggle to zip up her jacket for half an hour.
10. I see people eating delicious fucking sweets and I get angry. Kan best kalau kaya?
11. My lower limbs are on fire.
12. No words can be used to effectively described the magnificence that is Topkapi Palace.
13. Same can be said for Aya Sofia.
14. Planning is fucking insane. We've replanned for fucking five times now.
15. Yokan joked that our coming heralded the arrival of Spring. That feel when some stranger is a better poet.
16. Benda paling sial is when baruah-baruah bongok sos tiram ni pakai boots dengan heel made of Valyrian steel pastu keluar masuk dorm pukul dua pagi. Macam beruk takde akal.
17. Waiting to go to Cappadocia in five hours. It's raining outside. Takde benda nak buat except melanguk kat hostel. Selamat Dance with Dragons best gila babas.
18. Heated political debate with Bhaiyya.
19. Tunggu bas. Curious how just by seeing Asians, my spirits are lifted. It's either a hard wired thing or I'm more tired than I initially thought. I must ponder upon this.
20. Oh and bus fare nearly caused my testicles to wither and return to their embryonic state.
21. A bunch of milk drinking pussies if you ask me. So intent on kissing the white man's festering arse that all the fucking memory of roots and tradition has been overwhelmed by the stench.
22. I see her face everywhere.
23. Japanese tak hot langsung. Give me back my Korean beauties!
24. After a visit to a pottery factory, I am now fucking sure that pottery making is the manliest are present. Serious shit, sial. Brader tu guna manual spinning wheel pulak, tendang-tendang non stop. Fuck man. I cannot explain the sheer awesomeness of that shit. And the designs are fucking hand painted. What the fuck?!
25. Met two Korean girls and hung out with them. Turned out to be serious fun but English berterabur fuck. Kelakar gila babi. Gelak sampai body heat reach thermonuclear, winter be damned.
26. Two cocks and ten hens. How appropriate. And a pussy to rule over them all.
27. JON SNOW, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
28. Imagination valley my ass. Baik aku cakap aku nampak Jesse Andrews dengan Tori Black tengah eating each other out... Still, Camel to pass la. Okay, it looks like a fucking Camel, I admit it. The setting can be used in a short story, though.
29. Overall, Cappadocia ni boleh tahan best la. Tapi kalau satu tour more than 100 Lira per fucking person tu agak mencabar jiwa dan raga. Dan perut.
30. Kalau lepak dengan anjing buat dua hari, adakah dia rasa bagai empat belas hari?
31. Aku tengok iklan keju Turki yang macam puki. Pagi-pagi tunggu breakfast, si anak tiba-tiba start nyanyi lagu. Kalau lagu Led Zeppelin ke lagu rock kapak ke boleh la jugak layan. Ni tak, menyanyi lagu paling fuck shit annoying in the fucking world. Kalau anak aku buat camtu, serious shit aku akan on the spot tempeleng occiput dia sampai dia buta warna.
32. Met a Vietnamese living in Germany. Dia punya sembang, macam esok akan kiamat. Non-stop.
33. Kalau nak kaya, tak payah ada member. Kalau nak kaya dan ada member, member tu kena kaya tahap Mr. Scrooge and pemurah macam nabi.
34. In these situations, social networking proves to be a fucking pain in the arse.
35. Aku baca buku Mimi Morticia dan aku rasa bebosanan yang amat. Aku gelak dua kali sahaja. Maybe I just can't appreciate that kind of poetry. By no means do I imply that she is a bad writer or anything, the exact opposite, really. There's just something lacking, something to draw the readers in.
36. Aku suka sangat pen ni. Tak tau kenapa.
37. Soap operas must have been written by the same goddamned retard.
38. I have a lot more things I wished to write but I've forgotten many of them. Sial la. Beberapa jam lepas baca Dance with Dragons aku dah gian. Fuck. Bila Winds of Winter nak keluar?!
39. Aku makan buffet semalam (Included in the fucking expensive bitching tour) and aku makan macam kena rasuk sembilan setengah Jin.
40. Pergi masjid pastu usha awek. Hahahaha, bernas gila. But honestly, the mosques here are fucking awesome. New Mosque especially.
41. Sial. Stop tickling me you fucking cunt.
42. Being M'sian here is like being some sort of endangered creature from the deep.
43. If heaven has no Corba, I will lead a rebellion against God. Cis. Cakap macam memang masuk syurga. Padahal.
44. Cloudy with a chance of fucking boredom.
45. Bapak feel minah ni nyanyi. If only she's good.
46. This hostel houses some of the most colourful characters. Excluding the few German beauties, there's a group of Spanish students who party like there's no tomorrow. Then there's this fucking sleazy woman who seems to darken the room the moment she comes in. I honestly am not shitting you. She oozes this aura of suspicion and is dodgy as fuck. I asked around and turns out she's a severe alcoholic who never ever stops drinking. She works at some damn place and gets minimum wage, then spends it all on booze. And she's staying at the hostel. Go figure.
There's also this band of misfits that came in. There's this woman, in her 50s and she's a tattoo artist. She's very pleasant, reminds me of the Dowager in 1Q84. And in her own words:
"I was born in Holland, grew up in France and I've been living in Spain for twenty years. That guy (Points to a plump man with a cheery face) has no life's purpose. And the other two (A grizzled behemoth of a man riddled with tattoos and his overweight wife/paramour) are taking a break from begging and stealing."
There's Anastasia whose purpose of staying at the hostel I don't understand. She pays the rent but she... Works there. For free. Her past is cloudy, I overheard that she was originally Saudi and she was sold(?) by her father or something.
There's a guy with an awesome handlebar moustache that gives of the air of a loving grandfather and he wears these bandanas and rides a bike.
Did I mention the hot German girls? Yana and Uller, sweet mother of god Uller was a goddess.
And then there's us. Malaysians with questionable roots, living in Alexandria and travelling the world.
47. I long to be kissed by the sun. Screw this cold.
48. God fucking damn it Lady Winter. We had an agreement; you don't butt into other seasons as if you're entitled! Bring back Spring!
49. Jatuh cinta lagi. If there's only one Turkish beauty in Alex... Kalau minah ni mintak aku show my expression of love, I'll dig a mountain and carry it on my back. All for her.
50. Finally found a Muslim hater. The guy sells fish sandwiches (Which is good, I'll give him that) and has lived and travelled in Asia. Two months in Indonesia and Malaysia, a year in Thailand and five years in Vietnam. Tapi mentality macam orang bangang. Duduk kat Chinatown KL, pastu complain takde seafood best. Duduk KL pastu complain mahal. Pastu blame it all on the fact that it's a Muslim country. Repeat tig ribu kali. Rasa cam nak shot je muka.
51. First time seeing a guy actively reading the airplane safety booklet. Surreal.
52. Before we caught the shuttle to the airport, we went to say goodbye to Sa'im who's a waiter at a nearby diner. We ate at the place every single day because it's cheap and the fucking Corba is to fucking die for. And this guy took a liking to us and is fucking friendly. He gave us a free titbit once in awhile and some of the other workers tell him that he shouldn't. He just looks at them and says: Fuck that shit, these are my friends.
Fucking brilliant guy, I swear to God.
53. Going back to hell. Fuck. Istanbul, aku sedih.
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