Brain Function Returning Gradually.

We need to talk a bit.

Really? Can't this wait?

Well, we actually have been having this talk for a few days now. You just decided to write this down so now, we have to have this talk. Again.

Right. Where's the other guy?

He shouldn't be involved.

Why not? I thought we always do this kind of shit together as a group.

Well, for most things, I agree but this isn't something that's exactly in his spectrum of thought. You know. Being too young and what not.

Too young?

Yes. Too young. The way you crafted us, I mean. You split us into two halves, yes, but then subconsciously, you also infused us with thoughts and ideas. I'm the old, wise beyond his age guy, he's the young and free.

I thought you were the good and he was the bad, slightly insane one.

You thought wrong, obviously. For what it's worth, he's around somewhere. He'll be here and contribute nothing so, there. Anyway. Back to the main topic.

Right.

I don't know how to start, to be honest.

Just out with it, what the fuck is this shit.

No, no, I really don't know. The talk we had happened when you were almost asleep, it's hard to find out what I said exactly.

This is tiring. You just have to think about all this shit. I have to listen to you and type at the same god damned time.

Got it. You need to stop living in fantasy.

Are you fucking kidding. Why would I ever want to leave this awesome cave?

Well, for one, you're talking to yourself most of the time.

But fantasy's fun. I mean that in a very serious manner.

I know, I can hear you. It's not about whether it's fun or not. It's just that you've been building this world with you in the middle and you're not even a part of it. Do you understand me?

I honestly don't.

Why must you make this difficult. What I'm saying is that you're this person who lives away from everybody else and that's fine and all but then while you're gallivanting away, you've start to label yourself with things that doesn't exactly fit.

What? Like what?

Hm. Let's see. You're not as awesome as you think you are for one.

You have to admit that I am at least slightly awesome.

Fine, I'll allow that. Okay, I remember what I'm supposed to say now. You adhere to these labels and your isolation from everybody else ensures that they remain for the large part, uncontested.

So what if they remain uncontested. It's not like I'm harming anybody.

No, you're only harming yourself.

Oh sweet fucking lightning bolts, are you seriously fucking kidding me? It's either you're up to something or I seriously have a side of me that I did not account for.

You have many sides that you've never even considered, so no, I'm not fucking with you. Let's take an example. You remember that time in the library, when you were studying and that girl was studying opposite you?

Right. What of it?

And then you thought of how nice she might be and you fancy that - Please don't deny this, I am, after all, yourself - and you deluded yourself into thinking that she might actually fancy you as well?

Well... Yes, but everybody does that.

They do but unlike you, they don't believe in it so god damned full-heartedly. And then you actually talked to her for an extremely brief moment.

I asked her for a tissue. I did not know why I did that.

Way to go, soldier. And then when she left and said goodbye to her friend and not you, do you remember what that felt like? I'll answer that for you, son, you felt crushed. And it sucked.

You're losing me. Are you just purposely bringing this up to laugh at me?

No. I'm bringing this up because I need you to see how that shit is detrimental. That idea that you were so wanted and so desired was extinguished right there and you nearly ripped the fabric of time and space in half.

It wasn't extinguished, per se, it was... Put in question, that's all.

That makes it worse you fuck up.

Okay, I understand what you're getting at. But I'm fine, it was a far-fetched dream, a desire bathed in lust and it wasn't fulfilled. I was disappointed and that was that. Fuck man, I don't even know her name.

No, it's not. Fucking hell it's not. You continuously think of that incident right up to yesterday night and all this over a fucking stranger. God fucking damn it to the seventh circle of fucking hell.

So what do want me to do? Not think of shit like that? I can't do that. It's wired into the system. We're humans, we're meant to have thoughts.

I know that but not this way. You sit alone at home and you make up these fictional worlds where you're happy and there's real people in them and they like you when in truth you can have that if you just try. If you actually try to suppress that anger that's always there, that sadness, people will actually like you. Get rid of that frown you have and just let people approach you.

I'm having a hard time in this conversation because I'm at a loss. You know what it feels like. I can't get rid of this anger, no matter how I try. I don't fucking like it either. Which is another reason why I don't want people to be around me because sooner or fucking later, they will be consumed by this hate. And they will become bitter and I'll just create another copy of myself. As much as I hate the general public and society, I don't think that it's a good idea to release these copies of myself into public.

No, that's bullshit and you fucking know it. Your anger is something that can be controlled and all you need to do is fucking talk about it with someone.

You're sounding like her. I resent that.

I know but she does have some good points. If you can dig through all the enlightening bullshit to get there.

It's hard. It really is.

I don't want you to grow up into this hate machine, man. Mainly because I'll have to live with it but also because you'll be sad and alone. It sucks to be sad and alone, as you might realise.

Do you guys remember that picture we saw about the lion that can jump thirty six feet? That was fucking hilarious.

And there he is.

I'm still not convinced he shouldn't be in these conversations.

I don't want to be in these conversations. It's boring and you sound like a faggot with all the anger and sadness and loneliness issues. Do what makes you happy. Do you still remember what happiness is? I bet you can't even conjure a Patronus.

What the fuck does Harry Potter have to do with this?

You dumb fuck, you can only conjure a Patronus if you have this seriously jacked up happy feeling.

So?

He's trying to tell you in his forgotten language that you're not happy. It's not that hard to understand once you've studied his behaviour.

Fuck you, too.

Cheers, boys.

*

I'm going to Turkey in a few hours. Holy shit man. Heard it was nice and I hope it is. Heard there's a fuckload of scams there, though. Let's see how it goes.

Exams are fucking over!