Thursday, May 9, 2013

Sleepless Nights 81 - I'm Sorry I Abandoned You, Blog






I probably will not be able to realistically work at Starbucks or other coffee outlets. When I was a high schooler, it appealed to me because I wanted to get the fuck out of the house and working at Starbucks gives me a big chance of scoring with the ladies. Or not, I don't know. Now, I know for sure, considering I just saw a post on facebook saying "Triple skinny sugar free vanilla latte."

What the fuck is that, even? What happened to normal coffee? You know, the ones that are either black or white. If I work at Starbucks and someone asked me to make that, my body will malfunction due to exhaustion of my fucking brain. That or someone will get a tour of the shop's fantastic tiles. With their face.

*

Elections are over.

Am I disappointed? Yes, immensely. Am I disheartened? Far from it.

I have loads to say about it, truthfully but I must refrain. I am not educated enough in the matter to actually start throwing around my opinions. What I know is this:

Democracy is not dead. Anybody who truly believes in that deserves to fall into a sinkhole to the center of the earth. We just resurrected democracy in all of its glory.

What I want right now is for people to stop being cunts. We might have lost because it wasn't a fair fight but we lost nonetheless. We must accept that in dignity. Stop asking for help from third party as if we're under martial law. Stop bashing non-voters and the government supporters.

*

I performed a poem a few days ago. It was insane.

I never thought it was possible for me to perform on stage but apparently, I was wrong. I stuttered a bit, but nothing like a major stage fright. Which is comforting to know, for some reason.

Now I'm going to have to write two new poems for another event a few days from now. I have no idea what to do. I've been really attracted to slam poetry, maybe I'll do something like that.

*

The holidays have come to a close, finally. It's been a good one, I actually felt like a productive cunt instead of staying in my room and trying to fuse with my mattress.

I started a group on Facebook for writers, here's a link: Writer's Refuge. I don't know how it'll pan out but what the hell, at least I'm doing something for once. Who knows, maybe this will be how I break out of my cocoon.

*

One of my closest friends from high school messaged me yesterday. He told me he was back in Indonesia and is now a teacher.

It blew my mind.

When we were in school, we were utter fuck ups. I'm not even joking. Truancy, fights, vandalism, utter disrespect to anything that we thought constituted authority. We were the ones the junior either hated or wanted to be, we were the last ones to hold on so tightly to the embers of a long past generation and the only thing we wanted to do was see it burst into flames. And we didn't care if we were immolated in the event that it did.

I was sure that we were going nowhere in life. I was so fucking sure of it. My vision of the future for ourselves at that time was either a lowly public servant or a gang member. Either way, the future looked bleak. And now?

I'm a year away from being a doctor and he's a teacher. Funny how that worked out. It's fucking hilarious. Who could've thought that the two delinquents from school could make it. Teachers told us we were everything that's wrong in society. I guess we've proven them wrong.

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