Human.

We hear it almost on a daily basis. 'There's nothing you could have done about it, you're only human'.

I don't think I've ever realised how fucked up that phrase is. You're only human. It's so degrading, so... Cheap.

I was cleaning my e-mail that's clogged with several thousand unread virtual letters and then I stumbled upon something that I have forgotten ever existed. It was an e-mail from a person I was intimately attached to. Confounded, I decided to read it.

It was hilarious. She described her dream (For sentimental and personal purposes, I'd rather not share it here) and explained in detail what happened, complete with so many smileys I swear one could take over a small country with it. As I read the e-mail a second time, I was made acutely aware that I treated her in ways that was unfair. Due to some form of developmental deficiency, I found it extremely hard to reciprocate the affection that she so willingly gave. She had looks, she was intelligent and had a bit of insanity mixed in for good measure but the problem was with me. It felt empty.

I went to the UK and I found it extremely easy to ignore her. That was it, you know. I simply stayed silent. I did not reply to her messages. Even when she, very civilly, requested I explain what was going on, I refused. Cowardly, indeed. Fucking cowardly.

Don't misunderstand, I did not cheat. Double-timing was never my forte, I find it despicable, to be honest. I simply... Did nothing. I went back to Alexandria. She gaily sent me a message.

Fuck, man. I applaud her for persisting, I really do. It simply showed the difference of morals between the two of us. Eventually she gave up. How do you fight a person who does not fight back?

I reminisced for a long time just now. And then this thought came to me. 'Well, you're just human, nothing you could have done, bro'.

I believe it was my brain's way of... Comforting me. It did the absolute opposite, which goes to show how much my brain actually hates me.

The truth is that I could have done so much more. The reason is because I am human. I shouldn't have acted like a total nuclear cunt because I'm human. I could've talked to her like an adult and told her that it's not working out because I'm human. I could have done so much more, I should've done so much more because I'm human.

To say that I couldn't have done something because I'm human is such a selfish excuse that deserves lynching. It's wrong to actually subject the whole of the human race for our flawed personality.

I can't change what happened. Even if I could, I don't think I would but let's leave that out of the conversation for now. I can, however make myself feel better.

I don't know if you're reading this or if you have nothing but hatred in your heart associated with anything that has my stain on it. If you are, however, know that some of my actions were unwarranted and extremely despicable. Not all, I have a pretty good basis for some of things I did, haha. I would directly message you but that would again, be selfish. Perhaps you have a really good life going on and I pray that you receive better treatment. I found some pictures of us together, so I'm going to go and laugh at them now.