'Oh, I like her because of her personality.'
You know, I've always thought that this was a difficult one. But first, a little clearing up.
Before I start ranting, I must point out that no, I don't believe I'm chiseled to perfection by butt naked cherubs while Seraphs play the harp and trumpet to herald my coming. But then I refuse to accept that ugly people (Oh my god, you can't just tell a person they're ugly!) can't discuss about physical beauty. One hears of it often; 'Oh yeah, you talk like that but have you looked in the mirror recently? Or did the mirror break?'.
I've looked myself in the mirror and I see a mediocre (Eh, you sure or not?) looking person. My personal looks has nothing to do with the discussion.
So. Physical attraction.
I'm going to just put it out there by saying that I have a non-specific albeit high standard when it comes to women. I like beautiful women. I find it easier to talk to them and I like making them laugh because seeing a joyful bundle of beauty makes the world look less bleak. To say that I treat a beautiful lady and a less blessed one on the same level would make me the biggest hypocrite to ever fucking exist on the face of the earth.
That's just the way I am. Sure, it's not virtuous but I've never really lived my life filled to the brim with good values.
My argument is this: Is that actually a bad thing?
No, no, I'm not trying to justify my obviously biased perspective. Nobody approached me and berated me for having a skewed viewpoint. I am merely ranting, like I always do.
Whatever happened to personal choice? Whatever happened to being able to say 'Yeah, I like this better than that' and being accepted that way? As usual I'm making a big deal out of something meagre but it's hardwired.
Suddenly, saying you like a particular lady because she's pretty makes you an utterly despicable cunt. 'Oh you're so superficial', 'Oh, come on, she has a nice PERSONALITY', 'Oh beauty is only skin deep, what matters is what's inside'.
Well fucking excuse me, it turns out I am a superficial person after all.
Look. I'm not ashamed in the slightest to say that for me to approach a lady, she has to at least be presentable. I'm not going to a person who I can't stand to look at and close my eyes while I find out about her presumably awesome personality. I'd have to be blind for that to happen. However, let's see how that pans out.
I blindfold myself talk to a few woman and one turns out to be intensely interesting. Eventually I'm going to have to take the blindfold off. Then I see a monstrous hamplanet (This is a derogatory term and I advise against its usage lest ye desire to be trampled to death) and am I supposed to just sit down, shrug my shoulders and pretend that it's all A-okay because she has a nice personality? I'm not going to fucking kid myself.
Some people can do that. I admire them greatly. They also usually make me laugh. I think that it's a gift to be able to do that. However, I cannot. Rather than pretend I'm a noble person, I think it's better for me to be straightforward and make it clear that shit's not going to happen. Does that mean I don't want this person to be my friend? That's stupid. If conditions are suitable, we'd be the very best of friends. If she wants more than that, I will quite frankly tell her to go fuck herself. Literally.
I mean, I have friends who look like roadkill and weigh a tonne. Wait, I don't. Wait. I actually do. See, when it comes to friendship and appreciation of talents, personally, looks doesn't matter. That's when I actually give a fuck about personality. For me to be romantically involved, however, I want a person who I can look at for a couple of hours without feeling slight nausea.
Cruel? Why, yes indeed. It's dark humour. Look it up.
I do not agree with instilling these people with a fake sense of self-worth. 'Don't tell her she's fat! If she asks, convince her that she's big boned'. 'No, don't tell her she looks like the bastard child of a train wreck. Tell her she's special instead'.
If I was fat and fugly and fucking gnarly in general, I'd rather have people be honest with me. I'd rather have them tell me that, 'Yeah, bro, you're kind of fucking ugly but you know what, why should your looks fucking matter. We're friends, I don't give a shit if you look like God's personal mistake'. I would be wounded but that last part sounds pretty damn logical. If people actually convince me that hell, I'm hot and smoking and then somehow I meet a person who's honest, wouldn't that fuck with my perspective? So much, perhaps to even drive me to suicide.
'Oh but you're not ugly or fat so you're not exactly in a position to say that'. Damn straight. I thank you for that compliment. In all seriousness though, I understand. I am merely pointing out that I would like that to be the case.
I rarely make fun of people who are fat or ugly. That's sounds far-fetched but that's the truth. I will make up a thousand and one scenarios in my head filled with epic insults but that's where they stay. I fully understand that some people can't help their weight issue because of genetics (Somehow saying that when you're not a doctor sounds fucking hilarious). However, if I'm sure to the point where I am willing to bet both my testicles that you're the size of a Zeppelin because you're a fucking lazy cunt and you act like a fucking queen bitchmother... Rest assured, I will fucking hurl boulder sized insults using a catapult labelled 'Burn, bitch, burn'.
| Zeppelin |
| You can't see the label because this is a 2D picture, you daft cockmongler. |
For some reason, people regard the whole thing as a disability. That's a fucking tragedy because now you have this whole fucking group of people who believe that they're entitled to special treatment just because. 'Oh you can't expect me to do that, I'm special'. Yeah, of course, wouldn't want you to fucking clog a fucking artery now. It's ridiculous. Then you have the ones who are convinced that their beauty is so fucking out of this world.
This actually fucking happened to me. Scenario: Hamplanet wilderbeast waddles her way to me while I was in McDonald's (The Mall, KL). Without any fucking shame, she plops into the seat opposite me causing a 3.7 magnitude earthquake. Then she said this, I fucking shit you not.
'I see you staring at me from over here. You like what you see, eh?'
Now, the one thing that I dementedly fucking hate is when uninvited people disturb me when I'm having a meal. It's fucking uncultured and if McD provides silverware, I would've stabbed through the quadruple layer of protective lard right into her cholesterol laden heart. And I fucking doubt I could've pierced that deep without the aid of of a pneumatic drill.
See, that sounds mean and boo hoo hoo. But let me give you another scenario, one that she could've so easily opted for. She could've waddled (She's still going to waddle, obviously, politeness is not known to cause sudden weight loss) over to my table, asked me if she could perhaps sit down. It's as simple as that, god fucking damn it, it's not quantum physics.
'Oh but that's just a rude person. There are skinny beautiful people who do that too'. I agree. What I'm about to say will seem biased and it is, actually but I believe in this. Beautiful people can afford to that. There. It's basic supply and demand. They know that they have an edge i.e. their beauty and bubble butt (That came out of nowhere) and they use it to their advantage. I'm lying if I say that if a beautiful person does the same thing, I wouldn't be annoyed. But I would be more annoyed at the fact that she's disturbing me making love to a Prosperity burger rather than her overall rudeness.
 |
| We will one day be reunited, love. |
If that makes me a superficial mongrel of a man, I don't even fucking care.
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