Update

1. I've stopped looking at children with absolute discontent on my face. No idea why, I just think that it's somewhat unfair for them to not be given a chance. Well. The well mannered ones at least.

2. I fucking extracted a broken key from inside of the front door lock with nothing but two needles. Next stop: Conquering the fucking universe with aforementioned needles.

3. Sleep deprivation makes me strangely euphoric. All of the sudden, through these tired, half closed eyes, I become a joy (Might be a menace to some but come on, it's only a matter of time before everybody succumbs to my charm like some sort of fucking bad anime) to be around. People become a lot more tolerable.

4. I spent an hour and a half talking to my brother about... manga and anime and how some of them grabs us by the collar and takes us on a ride on the feels train. It was awesome.

5. I wore three layers of clothing (Excluding the labcoat) and I feel like a walrus. Without tusks. Does that make sense? I feel like I'm not making sense but that's the gist of it. How fucked up is it that even with all the clothes, my hands are fucking freezing?

6. Strangely, Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being gets so much better right about the middlish diddlish part. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep again but I really had to control myself from flipping fucking desks over how awesome it is. I did call Tomas a conformist pig but I'm not sure how it got there. The book is so... Human. I can't fathom how Kundera describes everything so realistically. I especially liked this line:

" It was the smile of two men meeting accidentally in a brothel: both slightly abashed, they are at the same time glad that the feeling is mutual, and a bond a kin to something of a brotherhood develops between them"

7. I asked myself one question to serve as a deal breaker. Is that even a term? Deal breaker? I have a feeling it is. Maybe it isn't. Oh well. I asked myself: Can I really see my children (You know shit is about to get really fucking serious when the phrase 'my children' is used) be raised by this person. And it was a definite no. Which is strange because I have a tendency of making excuses for other people. However this came as a simple yet resounding 'no'.

Perhaps I have broken my own rule of taking shit too seriously but allow me the benefit of doubt when I say that I was only reciprocating what was being projected. I saw a future but it was bleak and dull and frighteningly tiresome. I am rather proud with myself though, even if it was not an occurrence that should be rightfully celebrated. I did it, you know. For once I actually managed to not play mind games and confront the problem head on. It was sublime. Before I used to provoke the other party so much to the point where I become the victim of an affair gone sour and I'm not really ashamed (Okay, honestly, I'm kind of proud of this ability) to say that I've used that to my advantage when it came to garnering sympathy. Wounded dog kind of thing. If that didn't work, I just purge myself of existence for a while and then pretend everything is just peachy.

But not this time. Take that you bastard past self, I have grown out of your restricting shell if only by an inch! I was curt, businesslike and precise! There were no maybes and perhaps and mayhaps, just a simple explanation (Which could have been much more elegant if I had the time) and a definite farewell. I have gazed into the putrid lake of the unknown and found wisdom in such a terrible situation.

Right. Enough on that. I will probably regret posting this but eh.

8. Small display pictures on Twitter will lead me to my downfall. I find myself constantly smitten by the microscopic faces but the disappointment that comes from holding a magnifying glass is so, so crushing. It is my fault and mine alone for being such a physical creature.

9. One professor showed a picture of what I would assume to be unarmed Palestinians being led by an Israeli soldier. He then asked us in a wistful tone; 'Do you know where your road lies'. Then in a resigned sigh he answered himself; 'We still need some form of guidance after all. It's still not clear'. This was new to me because I have become so used to Muslims who preach about the way that seemed to be very clear to them.

A bit of context. The professor is the... Epitome of the progressive Muslim. Now of course, I throw that term around lightly but from what I observe, he was somewhat different. Many other people who claim to be progressive Muslims reflect these words mainly in how they dress or how they conduct themselves socially. It is unfortunate that not many actually have the mind to bolster the physical actions. That was why I was taken aback slightly when he clearly states that perhaps there isn't only one way to salvation.

Or you know, the usual. I read too much into shit because I feel like I'm analysing people and that makes me feel good. Yeah. Maybe that's it. Maybe his presence is for me to reflect on how much of a fool I am. Hm.

10. Yeah. I'm out of things to talk about. I miss blogging on a daily basis, actually. Should try that again.