Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sleepless Nights 29 - One day...

They're gonna make dragons into fuzzy little motherfuckers with anime style eyes.

Wait.


They did.


Back when I was a kid, dragons were the epitome of fucking badass. Give me anything and it'd be stumped by just the mere thought of fucking dragons. Fireballs, massive wingspan, horns it's everything badass and evil merged into one fucking awesome prehistoric creature. Fuck the Ninja Turtles or fucking Dragon Ball man, the only thing I wanted to be as a fucking dragon.

I don't think I made that clear.


DRAGONSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



However, as time passed, changes occurred. It's funny though, those days I thought that, meh, maybe a bit of technological advancements, they made dragons a reality better hygiene, I mean, all that shit you know. What I have never thought I would see, was this blasphemy.

Imagine; for those who are born stupid and imagination-less, fuck off, this ain't where you are supposed to tread. Anyways, imagine, a huge creature, sailing over your head as you cower in terror (of course, religious people won't do that right, you've got God on your side ) blotting out the sunlight, flame all around and then the last sight before you die are teeth, and your intestines spilling out... You've fallen at the hands of a dragon and all you can think of honestly was how large their dongs are how majestic these beasts are.... For a more clear picture, try to remember how it felt when you lost your virginity imagine what it felt like when you first watched cloverfield or when you first had a cigarette or how it just felt so fucking awesome when you dreamt that one day you could have a chance to be me... Or I could just put a picture. Yeah. Picture.

 Yes, click for awesomeness. Okay, Im not satisfied but fuck it, go google dragons or some shit fucktard.

Anyways, back to the point.

So imagine growing up with this imagery, imagine this being everything you've ever wanted or dreamt to be. This is your childhood, this is-

....

The crime of doing just that is punishable by, nay, not death, but life in a prison where each day a transvestite, no, an UNSHAVEN transvestite cuts you a million times with a scalpel and throws you into fucking lemon juice.

Each year this shit happens, the perfect childhood memory gunned down by fucking faggots that just wants to shove it in our faces. Like saying 'I'm gonna twist the world so bad that you'd die just from overexposure of fuzziness'. Well aren't you just the sneaky little fucken bastard child.

Let's focus on the picture shall we. What does a dragon need. Horns. FIRE! Wings; tattered if possible. Rough exterior. If possible just the skeleton.

Let's see what this dragon mudkipp have. NO horns. NO tattered wings. NO rough badass exterior. (I have to admit, the fire thing was pretty awesome. Digression). But seriously, it does look like a fucking mud-skipper.

Yes. Very apparent, no?

A major part of my life, incinerated, just by watching a movie about an asshole, his pet dragon mudkipp and his fucking girlfriend which I strongly suspect to be a transvestite. I mean, look at those jaws. Christ, you can measure right angles using those mandibles.

You tell me thats not awesome, I swear to god I'll pop a cap into your groin. You don't need them. Trust me.


And...

Just because I can.
Next they are gonna make a movie about voices in your heads and how they're in fact not real.

Wait...

4 comments:

ikanosha said...

Bahahahaha! mud skipper.

yeah, that's it.

Zufar Ismail Zeid said...

Dammit, I write miles and miles worth of ink and this is what I fucken get. Somehow saying that in an Irish accent works so much better. Ah well.

diemarysues said...

BUT I LIKED THAT MOVIE XD

Zufar Ismail Zeid said...

I never did say that I didnt, Im just pissed that they destroyed my childhood fantasies. I mean, imgine if tooth-fucking-less was a really badass looking dragon... That'd be so much more fucking awesome. Especially when it smiled. Damn. The Joker in his true form.