I had something awesome to write about when I was under the shower just now but I forgot all about it and now I'm stuck here thinking that if I just keep on writing some random bullshit, it'll get back to me.
Oh yes, this is definitely going to work out.
I woke up late today and as a result, missed my class. By about eight hours. I felt so bad, I set fire to a hundred wooden pegs and clamped them over my nipples and scrotum.
Oh, I joke. I was disappointed though because sometimes, I just want to fucking go to class and study and be a good kid but the universe always has the upper hand. In this case, a 14 hour sleep upper hand.
I slept early actually, and I swear to God by early I meant earlier than 1.30 am. I even set my alarm, made a pot of coffee, shut down my laptop (Which as a result, has now lost its voice yet again), wore slightly uncomfortable clothes and slept with the lights on. Then I woke up and it was 4.30 in the fucking evening and felt so fucking angry that I began to fucking dry hump a wooden splinter.
It sucked. When you want something bad and you do everything right and still in the end, all that shit was for naught. It's like studying for a test for a year and failing it instead because you fucking slept for fourteen fucking hours
But why the disappointment when I've skipped class a few hundred times, you ask? Well I don't fucking know, it's something I've questioned meself.
*
I don't know if I want to go home this Summer. Don't get me wrong, I'm so fucking homesick, it's annoying but the more I think of it, the more it makes sense. I don't even want to travel that much, I just want to stay home and do nothing. If this fucking hell of a country can be considered a home. Wait, of course it can't, I rephrase; I just want to stay in one place and do nothing.
I don't have anything specific to look forward to back home in all honesty. All I do is laze around, hang out with my family and that's it. I don't go out that much, fuck, all I do there is eat.
I don't understand why people don't believe me when I say I have no friends back home. Well, yes, I actually do but not so much to the point that I'm away from the house 24-7. I've got two people who are willing to hang out with me for hours but I don't believe that even they can stand to see me every single fucking day. I don't have a license, so that eliminates the whole take a drive somewhere part. I do intend to get a license though, but that needs time and until I can confirm that it takes less than a month, I don't think I will. I actually want a license more than anything right now, just so that my family would get off my back. My brain lags for about 2 years when it comes to these matters, apparently.
I read an article about how future doctors will inadvertently be fucked in the future in Malaysia and it upsets me. I did not study for fucking 6 years just to be screwed out of life because the government did a little mistake by recognizing far too many universities overseas. But of course, they allow anybody to get a scholarship as long as they hold the title bumiputra so I guess it's not that much of a surprise.
That's another thing I don't get. Why are the Bumiputras so goddamn special? They didn't modernise Malaysia single-handedly. All the races did that. They don't have superpowers. They don't contribute a massiveload to society and they sure as hell are not exactly the most pleasant people around. The only thing they are good at are breeding, which probably explains the majority cause.
I'm upset, yes. Why? Because as a nation, I'm pretty fucking sure we could fare better when the scholarships are given to people who really fucking deserve it. Now you get non-Bumis who score straight A(s), 4.0 fuckers all the way and all they get are pats on the fucking back with reassuring words that they're gonna do fucking well in the future. Of course they are, but the probability that they would fucking do it in Malaysia is pretty much nil.
I love my country far too much to look the other way when this shit is happening. I can't do anything now, but I sure as hell will when I get into a position that'd allow me to fucking mend things. The education system especially.
*
I remembered you asking: Why the obsession with family?
I've always wondered myself. I used to attribute it to the way I was brought up, in which family has always been put first. Then I realised that while this plays a big part, there might be another explanation.
I'm, how do I put this, educated in the old ways. Be it mannerism or though, it's traditional. And because of that, I tend to associate things with how it was with the old days. Back then, family was important for sure but they also had this family name to protect and to uphold, something like a banner in war. So you get these clans, each bearing the family's symbol. So I'm still caught in that net where I believe that family is in fact, everything. It governs my life, and I'm under the impression that everything I do will be associated with my family.
It's not that far-fetched when you think of it, especially considering the fact that we're Asians. Whenever you introduced yourself, there's always that one person who'd ask 'Whose kid are you?'. So naturally, in our environment, I would loath the day when someone would say 'Ah yeah, that fuck up is Zeid's kid'.
I intend to make my family's name huge, to the point where people would recognise it. I want my children to go to certain places, introduce themselves and be replied with awestruck gasps or silent whispers. I want them to know that they came from this house and they better make the house fucking proud.
*
Eargasm of the day: Not exactly a song but hey, fuck you.
Oh yes, this is definitely going to work out.
 |
| Sir Google strikes again. This time, he brings you an apparently good band called Tomorrow's Friend. |
I woke up late today and as a result, missed my class. By about eight hours. I felt so bad, I set fire to a hundred wooden pegs and clamped them over my nipples and scrotum.
Oh, I joke. I was disappointed though because sometimes, I just want to fucking go to class and study and be a good kid but the universe always has the upper hand. In this case, a 14 hour sleep upper hand.
I slept early actually, and I swear to God by early I meant earlier than 1.30 am. I even set my alarm, made a pot of coffee, shut down my laptop (Which as a result, has now lost its voice yet again), wore slightly uncomfortable clothes and slept with the lights on. Then I woke up and it was 4.30 in the fucking evening and felt so fucking angry that I began to fucking dry hump a wooden splinter.
It sucked. When you want something bad and you do everything right and still in the end, all that shit was for naught. It's like studying for a test for a year and failing it instead because you fucking slept for fourteen fucking hours
But why the disappointment when I've skipped class a few hundred times, you ask? Well I don't fucking know, it's something I've questioned meself.
*
I don't know if I want to go home this Summer. Don't get me wrong, I'm so fucking homesick, it's annoying but the more I think of it, the more it makes sense. I don't even want to travel that much, I just want to stay home and do nothing. If this fucking hell of a country can be considered a home. Wait, of course it can't, I rephrase; I just want to stay in one place and do nothing.
I don't have anything specific to look forward to back home in all honesty. All I do is laze around, hang out with my family and that's it. I don't go out that much, fuck, all I do there is eat.
I don't understand why people don't believe me when I say I have no friends back home. Well, yes, I actually do but not so much to the point that I'm away from the house 24-7. I've got two people who are willing to hang out with me for hours but I don't believe that even they can stand to see me every single fucking day. I don't have a license, so that eliminates the whole take a drive somewhere part. I do intend to get a license though, but that needs time and until I can confirm that it takes less than a month, I don't think I will. I actually want a license more than anything right now, just so that my family would get off my back. My brain lags for about 2 years when it comes to these matters, apparently.
I read an article about how future doctors will inadvertently be fucked in the future in Malaysia and it upsets me. I did not study for fucking 6 years just to be screwed out of life because the government did a little mistake by recognizing far too many universities overseas. But of course, they allow anybody to get a scholarship as long as they hold the title bumiputra so I guess it's not that much of a surprise.
That's another thing I don't get. Why are the Bumiputras so goddamn special? They didn't modernise Malaysia single-handedly. All the races did that. They don't have superpowers. They don't contribute a massiveload to society and they sure as hell are not exactly the most pleasant people around. The only thing they are good at are breeding, which probably explains the majority cause.
I'm upset, yes. Why? Because as a nation, I'm pretty fucking sure we could fare better when the scholarships are given to people who really fucking deserve it. Now you get non-Bumis who score straight A(s), 4.0 fuckers all the way and all they get are pats on the fucking back with reassuring words that they're gonna do fucking well in the future. Of course they are, but the probability that they would fucking do it in Malaysia is pretty much nil.
I love my country far too much to look the other way when this shit is happening. I can't do anything now, but I sure as hell will when I get into a position that'd allow me to fucking mend things. The education system especially.
*
I remembered you asking: Why the obsession with family?
I've always wondered myself. I used to attribute it to the way I was brought up, in which family has always been put first. Then I realised that while this plays a big part, there might be another explanation.
I'm, how do I put this, educated in the old ways. Be it mannerism or though, it's traditional. And because of that, I tend to associate things with how it was with the old days. Back then, family was important for sure but they also had this family name to protect and to uphold, something like a banner in war. So you get these clans, each bearing the family's symbol. So I'm still caught in that net where I believe that family is in fact, everything. It governs my life, and I'm under the impression that everything I do will be associated with my family.
It's not that far-fetched when you think of it, especially considering the fact that we're Asians. Whenever you introduced yourself, there's always that one person who'd ask 'Whose kid are you?'. So naturally, in our environment, I would loath the day when someone would say 'Ah yeah, that fuck up is Zeid's kid'.
I intend to make my family's name huge, to the point where people would recognise it. I want my children to go to certain places, introduce themselves and be replied with awestruck gasps or silent whispers. I want them to know that they came from this house and they better make the house fucking proud.
*
Eargasm of the day: Not exactly a song but hey, fuck you.
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