And that, kiddies, was what went through my head when I landed at the airport. Seriously, you Chinese, you guys were supposed to infiltrate every single part of the world. How the fuck could you have missed Egypt la?
Anyways.
I'm back.
Back to Dunhills, miniskirts and proper food.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A-hem.
So yeah, just had internet connection now after 3 days.
Anyways, yeah dad asked me to follow him to KL and so I thought it would be a good chance to meet all the fuckers who are here la. Followed my dad to god knows where (The author now knows he was in PJ) and told my dad I wanna buzz off to meet Sukh at Jalan Templar.
Me: Pa, can I ciow after this ah? Meeting some friends la.
Dad: Yeah okay. Where?
Me: Uh Sukh is in PJ so yeah, somewhere around there.
Dad (Puzzled): Has it occured to you that we are in PJ?
Me: *Blink Blink*
A-hem. No sense of direction there.
Let's skip to actually meeting the fucker.
Went to Pasar Seni and forgot how to ride the LRT. Yes, I'm that much of a retard when it comes to going places. So decided to meet Sukh there. Lepak-ed at McD's for awhile, got bored and wanted to get a fag outside. Walked to the exit, passed a guy and then realised that the green leprechaun seems familiar. Only with long hair which reminds me of judges.
Me: OMFG *More curses in more languages*
Sukh: Ditto.
Me: More curses in more languages.
Sukh: Ditto.
Note: That went on all the way until we digested the information that through each other's eyes, the other looks like a fucking begger. Ey phai?
Skipping on how we got fucking lost. Every single fucking time man.
Met up with Charanjeet and Hardeep (Which still has the pole body) and some other Phais. I swear to God, if I can choose who to go to hell with, it'll be with on of these fuckers la. Bhaenchods. Phai, terre bonde pathi ah? Phanjar, perfect.
Today basically is fucking filled with coincidences, getting fucking lost for a few hours and coffee. Goodness me, they have fucking awesome coffee here. I love M'sia. And Phais. Yeah. In a strictly no soap dropping action all. Bondemar walla all. XD
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sleepless Nights 16 - Dammit woman, not you too?!
Okay.
Is it just me or is there a burst in suicidal tendencies?
Hmmm...
Suicide: The ultimate running away technique; a show of great cowardice, the great fall from grace etc etc. Is that your definition of suicide? Is it?
Then you are just as shallow as the common society. How embarrassing.
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that it's sickening to just label some suicidal fuck as what I've said above. Let's say your best friend/ family member committed suicide. I'd love to see you say how cowardly he/she is. Situations mate.
What if that person is fucked up in the mind? What if the person has gone through shit, fell into more shit, got out but tripped into a huge pile of shit and is drowning in it? Simply said, what if that person has gone through an extreme level of torment? Maybe you yourself in that position will run to the nearest spike and impale yourself on it. You don't fucking know what it feels like so stop comparing and labelling others. It's revolting.
Still, it hurts yeah when people close to you goes bang. I mean, the guilt from not being able to do anything and the shock that comes from it is fucked up.
Maybe some of you haven't been in the position and you will never ever understand what people like us, I mean them go through. You will never know what it feels like to stand on a balcony and play a scene in your head where you slip and fall; at the same time it feels so real, you could actually feel the wind rushing through your hair and-
A-hem. Descriptive aren't we?
I've been there, done that and still am. At times something just goes snap in my head and I fall into the hell hole. It's fucked up but I know people who have it worse. At least I have 2 fucks helping it out; they may be metaphysical but they still help. Some don't have anybody. It's just... sad.
They are not running away. Most of the time they are facing everything head on. Sometimes, they just blank out, there doesn't seem to be an option anymore. Oh to you who are saying 'There's always an option' with a radiant fucking glow on your face, here's cyanide.
It scares me that at times, I won't be able to claw my way out of the deep pit I seem to always fall into. What then? What'll happen when these two fellas cease to function? Who'll be there?
Z.F.: No one.
Okay. That was scary. Stop doing that mate. Especially not your growling voice thingy.
It does seem weird though why artist seem to be fairly susceptible to depression/ suicide. The way we look at life maybe? Maybe.
Shamziel is probably going to kill herself in a few months.
A still have a glimmer of hope.
Shit.
Dammit women.
What'll I do without your art?
P.S.: Spore is fucking addictive. So is Plants and Zombies.
Is it just me or is there a burst in suicidal tendencies?
Hmmm...
Suicide: The ultimate running away technique; a show of great cowardice, the great fall from grace etc etc. Is that your definition of suicide? Is it?
Then you are just as shallow as the common society. How embarrassing.
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that it's sickening to just label some suicidal fuck as what I've said above. Let's say your best friend/ family member committed suicide. I'd love to see you say how cowardly he/she is. Situations mate.
What if that person is fucked up in the mind? What if the person has gone through shit, fell into more shit, got out but tripped into a huge pile of shit and is drowning in it? Simply said, what if that person has gone through an extreme level of torment? Maybe you yourself in that position will run to the nearest spike and impale yourself on it. You don't fucking know what it feels like so stop comparing and labelling others. It's revolting.
Still, it hurts yeah when people close to you goes bang. I mean, the guilt from not being able to do anything and the shock that comes from it is fucked up.
Maybe some of you haven't been in the position and you will never ever understand what people like us, I mean them go through. You will never know what it feels like to stand on a balcony and play a scene in your head where you slip and fall; at the same time it feels so real, you could actually feel the wind rushing through your hair and-
A-hem. Descriptive aren't we?
I've been there, done that and still am. At times something just goes snap in my head and I fall into the hell hole. It's fucked up but I know people who have it worse. At least I have 2 fucks helping it out; they may be metaphysical but they still help. Some don't have anybody. It's just... sad.
They are not running away. Most of the time they are facing everything head on. Sometimes, they just blank out, there doesn't seem to be an option anymore. Oh to you who are saying 'There's always an option' with a radiant fucking glow on your face, here's cyanide.
It scares me that at times, I won't be able to claw my way out of the deep pit I seem to always fall into. What then? What'll happen when these two fellas cease to function? Who'll be there?
Z.F.: No one.
Okay. That was scary. Stop doing that mate. Especially not your growling voice thingy.
It does seem weird though why artist seem to be fairly susceptible to depression/ suicide. The way we look at life maybe? Maybe.
Shamziel is probably going to kill herself in a few months.
A still have a glimmer of hope.
Shit.
Dammit women.
What'll I do without your art?
P.S.: Spore is fucking addictive. So is Plants and Zombies.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Happy Endings.
It's always a happy ending in my case. Only I'm not in it.
Call me a loser, call me immature, I don't give a fuck.
I'm tired; tired of fucking trying out and putting a lot of effort in it when deep inside, I know that it's all in vain. I hate myself, truly, for not listening, not fucking giving up when I should.
I need to get away from it all. From family, from people I know, people I love, people I hate, all of them. There is one way, not really sure bout how to do that though. We are Asians and our way of life fucks up most of my plans.
That crunching feeling in my gut, that inevitable white flag which is going to come up, that little silent voice in my head which tells me: That's it for you.
They should fucking know better. They should know of my emotionally impulse-driven destructiveness directed to myself. They should fucking know. Yet they go ahead with it, what's the worse that could happen.
Sometimes, I feel like going to them and pound some fucking sense into their minds but hell, that would be 'inappropriate'. Nothing I do is right, what they say is an ultimatum, it's either that or the streets. I openly admit that I am not ready for the latter.
Still...
What the fuck. Sitting on those steps made me feel all the worst. If I had a full length mirror, I'd prolly would have screamed at it and destroyed it. I look pathetic. People say that when you look at others' sufferings, you are glad that you aren't in that position. Bullshit, sometimes in life, the smallest problems could be extremely destructive. Fuck being emotionally unstable, it's literally killing me. God help me. Seriously.
I should steal a large sum of money and go away. I don't see sense in staying. Wrong, I don't want to fucking stay. Surrounded by people that irritate me is not that tormenting as being surrounded by the opposite. And they don't even know it. They don't know it. They don't fucking know it. They-
Sigh
I can write that over and over again. A few years ago I would laugh at who I am now. A few years ago, I would've punched who I am now and tell: Get the fuck up. You're embarrassing me.
I try occupying myself with shit to keep my mind off whatever is bothering me. It doesn't work, not when *Slams keyboard on impulse.*
Excuse me.
Maybe I should just severe connections with certain people? Easy, I know but the consequence of that is pretty ugly. Call me narcissistic but I have a reputation that I maintain. Think that's fucking corny huh? Well, fuck you who are you to fucking judge me huh? Family? Friend? You fuckers don't even know who I am, what more try to make an effort to fucking do so.
Yes, I'm fucking venting out my fucking anger to you fuckers. I bottle it up when I should, big mistake. I'm letting it out now. You think I care if you get offended? Well fuck that, beats me cleaning up your shit and not saying a word about it. I can't fucking stand you who go around me acting all normal and shit when you're fucking itching to fucking tell me shit. I'm fucking tired of fucking taking care of you when you can fucking take care of yourself. I'm fucking done with making you feel good of yourself when basically there's nothing fucking wrong with you. I'm tired of you fucking parading around when in your heart, you know that you can afford to do so because you have me to fucking label as a scapegoat. I'm fucking tired of you Muslim fanatics that uphold your so called fucking justice when you don't even fucking know the truth. I'm tired of you fuckers that grin in front of everybody but fucking complain and go all fucking emo around me, Defend yourself you stupid fucker, YOU STUPID FUCKER. I'm fucking through with you depending on me too much. I fucking can't stand you when you try to make an effort when I clearly already said no. You're just not my fucking type and you fucking irritate me you fucking retard. I'm tired of slaving myself to you. I am tired and frustrated and I'm this close to buying a gun and shooting myself. I'm this fucking close to doing something that I don't want to do.
Call me a loser, call me immature, I don't give a fuck.
I'm tired; tired of fucking trying out and putting a lot of effort in it when deep inside, I know that it's all in vain. I hate myself, truly, for not listening, not fucking giving up when I should.
I need to get away from it all. From family, from people I know, people I love, people I hate, all of them. There is one way, not really sure bout how to do that though. We are Asians and our way of life fucks up most of my plans.
That crunching feeling in my gut, that inevitable white flag which is going to come up, that little silent voice in my head which tells me: That's it for you.
They should fucking know better. They should know of my emotionally impulse-driven destructiveness directed to myself. They should fucking know. Yet they go ahead with it, what's the worse that could happen.
Sometimes, I feel like going to them and pound some fucking sense into their minds but hell, that would be 'inappropriate'. Nothing I do is right, what they say is an ultimatum, it's either that or the streets. I openly admit that I am not ready for the latter.
Still...
What the fuck. Sitting on those steps made me feel all the worst. If I had a full length mirror, I'd prolly would have screamed at it and destroyed it. I look pathetic. People say that when you look at others' sufferings, you are glad that you aren't in that position. Bullshit, sometimes in life, the smallest problems could be extremely destructive. Fuck being emotionally unstable, it's literally killing me. God help me. Seriously.
I should steal a large sum of money and go away. I don't see sense in staying. Wrong, I don't want to fucking stay. Surrounded by people that irritate me is not that tormenting as being surrounded by the opposite. And they don't even know it. They don't know it. They don't fucking know it. They-
Sigh
I can write that over and over again. A few years ago I would laugh at who I am now. A few years ago, I would've punched who I am now and tell: Get the fuck up. You're embarrassing me.
I try occupying myself with shit to keep my mind off whatever is bothering me. It doesn't work, not when *Slams keyboard on impulse.*
Excuse me.
Maybe I should just severe connections with certain people? Easy, I know but the consequence of that is pretty ugly. Call me narcissistic but I have a reputation that I maintain. Think that's fucking corny huh? Well, fuck you who are you to fucking judge me huh? Family? Friend? You fuckers don't even know who I am, what more try to make an effort to fucking do so.
Yes, I'm fucking venting out my fucking anger to you fuckers. I bottle it up when I should, big mistake. I'm letting it out now. You think I care if you get offended? Well fuck that, beats me cleaning up your shit and not saying a word about it. I can't fucking stand you who go around me acting all normal and shit when you're fucking itching to fucking tell me shit. I'm fucking tired of fucking taking care of you when you can fucking take care of yourself. I'm fucking done with making you feel good of yourself when basically there's nothing fucking wrong with you. I'm tired of you fucking parading around when in your heart, you know that you can afford to do so because you have me to fucking label as a scapegoat. I'm fucking tired of you Muslim fanatics that uphold your so called fucking justice when you don't even fucking know the truth. I'm tired of you fuckers that grin in front of everybody but fucking complain and go all fucking emo around me, Defend yourself you stupid fucker, YOU STUPID FUCKER. I'm fucking through with you depending on me too much. I fucking can't stand you when you try to make an effort when I clearly already said no. You're just not my fucking type and you fucking irritate me you fucking retard. I'm tired of slaving myself to you. I am tired and frustrated and I'm this close to buying a gun and shooting myself. I'm this fucking close to doing something that I don't want to do.
I'm fucking tired of myself making an effort.
I'm fucking tired of seeing your face everytime I wake up.
I'm fucking tired of myself not saying all this earlier.
I'm fucking tired of seeing your face everytime I wake up.
I'm fucking tired of myself not saying all this earlier.
I hope you all get offended. Toodles.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sleepless Nights 15 - Individuality.
Note: Religious stuff up ahead matey. Leave if it rubs you the wrong way.
More Notes: Enter all ye who abandon hope. Yes, I cannot resist to.
Individuality. Big word huh. I don't really know about you but fuck mate, I think it's one of the words that defines the fucking abstracticity of substance.
So I've had this mass of people who obviously lack the ability to fill their time with useful activities and so they vent their frustration and anger to yours truly. It's funny you know, how everybody makes such a huge fucking deal out of a piercing around here. Go figure.
Vermin: So yeah what's with the piercing man?
Me: Uh... What about it?
Vermin: Well... I'm not trying to imply anything here...
Me: Oi fucker, if you have anything to say, you say it. Don't make me hunt you down just for a few words.
Vermin: Chill la. No la, don't you think it's a bit, uh... girly?
Me: Oh yeah and basically that means it's haram la. All that shit about 'menyerupai perempuan'. Am I right?
Vermin: Yeah exactly, you get my point!
Me: Don't get your panties up in a bunch. I haven't finished yet.
Vermin: Meaning?
Me: What the fuck is with you people and being shallow huh? Is it like a fucking pastime that I didn't know about ah? Listen mate, if I put on an earring on the basis of wanting to be female like, then it is haram. If I do it without any fucking intention to be more feminine then I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't expect you of all people to understand but it's so damn obvious and you fucks just can't see through it. It's individually based, the way you think, your 'nawaitul' is what matters.
Vermin: Haram is haram man. There's a clear line defining that.
Me: Obviously there is, but I doubt you are the one that's responsible for the placement of that line. Or are you saying God came to you in your sleep and granted you that gift?
Vermin: ...
You see? Believe me, that's the shortest version I could think of. What came out of that fuckers mouth was beyond fucking absurd, it's like a fucking curseword or some shit man.
Then comes the people that...
Zygote: It's funny wei. Why is it that your friends on FB/FS are all Chinese and Indians ah? Malays are rare man.
Me: ... That's supposed to be an issue?
Zygote: No la, it's like why is it that you, a Malay, mixes with non-Malays more?
Me: Who said I was Malay? I deny that fully. And when I make friends, I don't fucking judge them based on their race, unlike you fuckers. If I really have to judge, it's from their personality. That's it.
Zygote: You're not Malay? Wtf? You're denying the fact? What, you acting like some Mat Salleh la now? And how can you do that? You obviously have to trust Malays more than any other race!
Me: Do you even know what a race is? It's a group of people distinguished from others by common heritage and physical trait. So here's a huge middle finger up your fucking ass on common heritage and well, I don't see what we share in common on the base of physical traits. More than that, if your heart tells you that you are not Malay, Indian or Chinese or whatever fucking races there are out there, then fuck it la, you're not it. You are what you want yourself to be. If you want to be fucking chinese when you're raised by fucking indians, then fuck it, you're indian. If you deny being Malay even when you look like a fucking pure blooded Malay then what the fuck, you're not one. Who is the public top fucking criticise you? And who the fuck are you to tell me what I am and what I am not?
Zygote: So why are you still speaking BM when you're so Indian or Chinese?
Me: I'd rather not insult your fucked up intelligence. You don't even understand what I'm saying now, if I speak any other language, you'll prolly puke and die.
Okay, I can't really think right now. Anyways.
My point is that most of the things in life are underlined by several guidelines but really, who are you and me to tell someone what's right and what's wrong? Who are we to stop a person from thinking or doing something that he thinks is right? I'm not talking about those hardcore shit but I'm talking about more vague stuff, religion being one of the most misinterpreted topic. Raam Janne. God Knows. We don't.
Apart from all that...
ExamsarefuckingoverM'siainafewdayshectichectichecticPostersweddingsfriendsgaaarrrghhhhwtf!
So I've had this mass of people who obviously lack the ability to fill their time with useful activities and so they vent their frustration and anger to yours truly. It's funny you know, how everybody makes such a huge fucking deal out of a piercing around here. Go figure.
Vermin: So yeah what's with the piercing man?
Me: Uh... What about it?
Vermin: Well... I'm not trying to imply anything here...
Me: Oi fucker, if you have anything to say, you say it. Don't make me hunt you down just for a few words.
Vermin: Chill la. No la, don't you think it's a bit, uh... girly?
Me: Oh yeah and basically that means it's haram la. All that shit about 'menyerupai perempuan'. Am I right?
Vermin: Yeah exactly, you get my point!
Me: Don't get your panties up in a bunch. I haven't finished yet.
Vermin: Meaning?
Me: What the fuck is with you people and being shallow huh? Is it like a fucking pastime that I didn't know about ah? Listen mate, if I put on an earring on the basis of wanting to be female like, then it is haram. If I do it without any fucking intention to be more feminine then I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't expect you of all people to understand but it's so damn obvious and you fucks just can't see through it. It's individually based, the way you think, your 'nawaitul' is what matters.
Vermin: Haram is haram man. There's a clear line defining that.
Me: Obviously there is, but I doubt you are the one that's responsible for the placement of that line. Or are you saying God came to you in your sleep and granted you that gift?
Vermin: ...
You see? Believe me, that's the shortest version I could think of. What came out of that fuckers mouth was beyond fucking absurd, it's like a fucking curseword or some shit man.
Then comes the people that...
Zygote: It's funny wei. Why is it that your friends on FB/FS are all Chinese and Indians ah? Malays are rare man.
Me: ... That's supposed to be an issue?
Zygote: No la, it's like why is it that you, a Malay, mixes with non-Malays more?
Me: Who said I was Malay? I deny that fully. And when I make friends, I don't fucking judge them based on their race, unlike you fuckers. If I really have to judge, it's from their personality. That's it.
Zygote: You're not Malay? Wtf? You're denying the fact? What, you acting like some Mat Salleh la now? And how can you do that? You obviously have to trust Malays more than any other race!
Me: Do you even know what a race is? It's a group of people distinguished from others by common heritage and physical trait. So here's a huge middle finger up your fucking ass on common heritage and well, I don't see what we share in common on the base of physical traits. More than that, if your heart tells you that you are not Malay, Indian or Chinese or whatever fucking races there are out there, then fuck it la, you're not it. You are what you want yourself to be. If you want to be fucking chinese when you're raised by fucking indians, then fuck it, you're indian. If you deny being Malay even when you look like a fucking pure blooded Malay then what the fuck, you're not one. Who is the public top fucking criticise you? And who the fuck are you to tell me what I am and what I am not?
Zygote: So why are you still speaking BM when you're so Indian or Chinese?
Me: I'd rather not insult your fucked up intelligence. You don't even understand what I'm saying now, if I speak any other language, you'll prolly puke and die.
Okay, I can't really think right now. Anyways.
My point is that most of the things in life are underlined by several guidelines but really, who are you and me to tell someone what's right and what's wrong? Who are we to stop a person from thinking or doing something that he thinks is right? I'm not talking about those hardcore shit but I'm talking about more vague stuff, religion being one of the most misinterpreted topic. Raam Janne. God Knows. We don't.
Apart from all that...
ExamsarefuckingoverM'siainafewdayshectichectichecticPostersweddingsfriendsgaaarrrghhhhwtf!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sleepless Nights 14 - Change.
Tsk tsk.
Where did the last 6 papers go?
I mean seriously, am I the only one that thinks it's all going a wee bit fast here?
Anyways, one more paper to go, I'd usually be feeling fucking psyched as hell now but-
(The author returns after a few long hours)
A-hem. Well okay, I admit, I forget stuff. Where was I? Oh yeah.
-I dunno, it just seems too fast. I can still remember actually landing in Egypt, I can still remeber orientation week... And that was fucking ages ago! No, you don't go 'So what?'! The point is, it's all whizzing by our fucking heads and we ain't realising it! Fuck! What if, after a while, I walk past a mirror and scream coz what I see is a 50 year old guy with white hair and fucking raisinified?! I... I...
(The author apologizes for the hyperventilation. He gets that when he hasn't slept.)
Moving on.
So basically, M'sia is within 2 weeks away and yes, I did try to count the days but I fail to do so. Oh well, maths is for losers anyways. Yeah, fuck you math freak. I'll have no fucking idea on how to react to the changes. I mean when I left, they were fucking demolishing buildings, houses and STREETS! CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THAT? STREETS! FOR GOD'S SAKE, THAT'S WHAT SEPERATES US FROM CROCODILES! AND YOU'RE DESTROYING IT!
The fuck? Yes, sorry, I deviate.
As I said, buildings, houses and streets. A lot of em. If I'm lucky, I'll proly get to move around without getting lost. If I'm lucky. Okay what the fuck am I saying, of course I'll get fucking lost... My sense of direction fails me miserably, it doesn't make a fucking difference if the buildings/houses/streets get demolished. It's all a maze... Wait... What the fuck, I can't even fucking drive, how the fuck am I supposed to get fucking lost when I can't even move around on my fucking own. WHAT THE FUCK?!
Anyways.
Then comes politics. This is the only thing I want to say about it:
Where did the last 6 papers go?
I mean seriously, am I the only one that thinks it's all going a wee bit fast here?
Anyways, one more paper to go, I'd usually be feeling fucking psyched as hell now but-
(The author returns after a few long hours)
A-hem. Well okay, I admit, I forget stuff. Where was I? Oh yeah.
-I dunno, it just seems too fast. I can still remember actually landing in Egypt, I can still remeber orientation week... And that was fucking ages ago! No, you don't go 'So what?'! The point is, it's all whizzing by our fucking heads and we ain't realising it! Fuck! What if, after a while, I walk past a mirror and scream coz what I see is a 50 year old guy with white hair and fucking raisinified?! I... I...
(The author apologizes for the hyperventilation. He gets that when he hasn't slept.)
Moving on.
So basically, M'sia is within 2 weeks away and yes, I did try to count the days but I fail to do so. Oh well, maths is for losers anyways. Yeah, fuck you math freak. I'll have no fucking idea on how to react to the changes. I mean when I left, they were fucking demolishing buildings, houses and STREETS! CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THAT? STREETS! FOR GOD'S SAKE, THAT'S WHAT SEPERATES US FROM CROCODILES! AND YOU'RE DESTROYING IT!
The fuck? Yes, sorry, I deviate.
As I said, buildings, houses and streets. A lot of em. If I'm lucky, I'll proly get to move around without getting lost. If I'm lucky. Okay what the fuck am I saying, of course I'll get fucking lost... My sense of direction fails me miserably, it doesn't make a fucking difference if the buildings/houses/streets get demolished. It's all a maze... Wait... What the fuck, I can't even fucking drive, how the fuck am I supposed to get fucking lost when I can't even move around on my fucking own. WHAT THE FUCK?!
Anyways.
Then comes politics. This is the only thing I want to say about it:
IT'S WHAT MAKING MALAYSIA A FUCKING CESSPIT.
I'm serious.
Pure unadulterated bullshit. Both the government and the opposition are just plain fucking stupid. Yeah, send the fucking ISA I don't fucking mind eating dog food or whatever fuck, the truth cannot be changed.
I just know that when I go back, that's what everybody is gonna be talking bout and I'll have the undesirable urge to say what's on my mind. Most of them would be Malay at heart so what I'll be saying is just pure heresy. Ceh. What the fuck la wei.
Still, there are stuff to look forward to. Food, friends, food, Penang, food, KL, nice weather, food etc etc. Shit, my schedule is going to be so fucking packed... Shit.
And the curtains close, some smile, some smirk but they all left through one door.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Sleepless Nights 13 - Weird.
Yeah its just fucking weird.
EVERYTHING IS.
You wake up one day and you go, 'Hell, I'm gonna kill myself today.'
You wake up one day and you go, 'I shall change the world today.'
Get it?
The way life fucking contradicts itself day after day is just fucking pissing me off. Stick to one plan will ya? Pfffttt...
Don't get me started on em love octagonal shit man. Seriously. It's a small world where everybody loves the wrong person and in the end they fucking tear each other's life apart and still call themselves friends. HAHA. I refuse entirely to be apart of anything such as that. So immature, so pointless. If she doesn't fucking love you back mate, go for another girl. Besides, wouldn't want to spoil the fun now ey? Boredom creeps in.
M'sia is now a cesspit of fucking shallow Malays and their so called 'upholding the national language'. Well, hello massive emigration. There will be a point where the only people who are left in M'sia are the ones who are fucking rascist. Then, they'll proceed to kill each other. WHen that happens, I'll come back. Why? Nope, I ain't no messiah. Can you imagine how cheap the land would be at that time? Damn bitch! Finally we can make use of rascist.
Oh and I love M'sia. Just hate you people who are complaining of this post right now. It's reality mate. Can't accept it? Fuck off. I don't need you bugging me.
Sorethroat really gives me the creeps. The way each cough seem to make 10 alveoli to rupture. And here I am smoking a cigarette. Poison kisses all around ey? Could care less. My veins are already popping up.
3 more papers to go?! WTF? Where did the last 4 go? Fuck!
Time is cruel. I swear, one of these days I'm gonna wake up and see my face full of wrinkles. IF I survive that long. And no, I'm not contemplating suicide, I'm just listing out the possibilities.
This post has no meaning.
The internet in my house has officially fucked up. Or is it my laptop? Hmmm.... No idea, either way, onlining less fucking often nowadays and as Mendel or Krukenberg or fucking Jack the Ripper once found out, I'll be updating my blog less. HAH!
Anyways, to a more emo part.
Perfection, as I have found out, will always be fucking dancing in front of you no matter how you try to put it away. Note: It dances. You ain't gonna fucking get to touch her. she ain't gonna stop and look at you or ask you to join her. She just dances. And then, you get so fucking pissed and the anger feels as if it's gonna tear open your chest and burn everything in it's path. But you supress it, and you put on a fake smile. You even have a portion of sanity left to ring the bell. Finally, your mind, body and cock gives up and you divert your attention to more important matters.
EVERYTHING IS.
You wake up one day and you go, 'Hell, I'm gonna kill myself today.'
You wake up one day and you go, 'I shall change the world today.'
Get it?
The way life fucking contradicts itself day after day is just fucking pissing me off. Stick to one plan will ya? Pfffttt...
Don't get me started on em love octagonal shit man. Seriously. It's a small world where everybody loves the wrong person and in the end they fucking tear each other's life apart and still call themselves friends. HAHA. I refuse entirely to be apart of anything such as that. So immature, so pointless. If she doesn't fucking love you back mate, go for another girl. Besides, wouldn't want to spoil the fun now ey? Boredom creeps in.
M'sia is now a cesspit of fucking shallow Malays and their so called 'upholding the national language'. Well, hello massive emigration. There will be a point where the only people who are left in M'sia are the ones who are fucking rascist. Then, they'll proceed to kill each other. WHen that happens, I'll come back. Why? Nope, I ain't no messiah. Can you imagine how cheap the land would be at that time? Damn bitch! Finally we can make use of rascist.
Oh and I love M'sia. Just hate you people who are complaining of this post right now. It's reality mate. Can't accept it? Fuck off. I don't need you bugging me.
Sorethroat really gives me the creeps. The way each cough seem to make 10 alveoli to rupture. And here I am smoking a cigarette. Poison kisses all around ey? Could care less. My veins are already popping up.
3 more papers to go?! WTF? Where did the last 4 go? Fuck!
Time is cruel. I swear, one of these days I'm gonna wake up and see my face full of wrinkles. IF I survive that long. And no, I'm not contemplating suicide, I'm just listing out the possibilities.
This post has no meaning.
The internet in my house has officially fucked up. Or is it my laptop? Hmmm.... No idea, either way, onlining less fucking often nowadays and as Mendel or Krukenberg or fucking Jack the Ripper once found out, I'll be updating my blog less. HAH!
Anyways, to a more emo part.
Perfection, as I have found out, will always be fucking dancing in front of you no matter how you try to put it away. Note: It dances. You ain't gonna fucking get to touch her. she ain't gonna stop and look at you or ask you to join her. She just dances. And then, you get so fucking pissed and the anger feels as if it's gonna tear open your chest and burn everything in it's path. But you supress it, and you put on a fake smile. You even have a portion of sanity left to ring the bell. Finally, your mind, body and cock gives up and you divert your attention to more important matters.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Sleepless Nights 12 - Contentment.
Before I start, I have not been writing for a week now. Tsk tsk. Here I am complaining bout people who don't update regularly. Yes, Ani and Kat, that was directed to you.
A-hem.
Exams are on, 2 papers are down and the next one is in lets see, 7 hours? Damn bitch.
Anyways, as one might or might not know, I am officially in a study group and I am a fucking nerd. A fucking nerd in a fucking study group who spends most of the fucking time cramming fucking medical text into his fucking brain in the fucking library; being fucking sleep deprived as hell most of the fucking time. Yes, to those who like to count, that's 8 identical curses in a sentence.
Okay, back to the study group part. At first I had no idea that I was even in a study group, hell, I think that nobody realises that they are. I just thought it was mutual studying. Started when i started to literally live in the library and now it's at the house below. Seriously, I have never been in a study group so basically I just followed the crowd. At dirst there were 4 people including me, then it kinda began to expand, it's like a slimy monster with tentacles that grabs anything that crosses it's path.
The members up till now:
Me
Sufi
Ika
Sabrina
My brother
Ain
Imran
Aisha
Baem
Azhar
JAY
LUQMAN
NOTE: THE AUTHOR APOLOGISES FOR FORGETTING THE LAST TWO PEOPLE. HE WAS SLEEP DEPRIVED. DUH.
Basically, I'm the one who goes and smoke every 10 minutes and who reads most of the time, Sab is the official question asker, Baem is a fucking saviour due to his awesomeness at spotting questions and Sufi is Barney. Oh and Luq is the 'Crunch' guy.
Wait, thats not the point... I swear, I deviate too often these days...
Point is, I didn't believe that this helps me that is until I did the tests. It wasn't easy but what was studied with these people actually latched to my brain. So basically waht I'm saying is that it works. It motherfucking works.
See, since I could recall, every single time I leave the exam hall, I will be:
I don't give a shit bout results no more.
Moving on.
Haha, it's kinda easy to aboid being depressed when one diverts the attention to something else. A-hem.
Hmmm... I really can write no more... My brain is clogged with physio, remnants of Anat and Micro. Do excuse me. I can see a long hibernation period coming right after the exams.
Oh and 6 minute solos are just fucking orgasmic. Yes. ORGASMIC. OR-FUCKING-GASMIC.
A-hem.
Exams are on, 2 papers are down and the next one is in lets see, 7 hours? Damn bitch.
Anyways, as one might or might not know, I am officially in a study group and I am a fucking nerd. A fucking nerd in a fucking study group who spends most of the fucking time cramming fucking medical text into his fucking brain in the fucking library; being fucking sleep deprived as hell most of the fucking time. Yes, to those who like to count, that's 8 identical curses in a sentence.
Okay, back to the study group part. At first I had no idea that I was even in a study group, hell, I think that nobody realises that they are. I just thought it was mutual studying. Started when i started to literally live in the library and now it's at the house below. Seriously, I have never been in a study group so basically I just followed the crowd. At dirst there were 4 people including me, then it kinda began to expand, it's like a slimy monster with tentacles that grabs anything that crosses it's path.
The members up till now:
Me
Sufi
Ika
Sabrina
My brother
Ain
Imran
Aisha
Baem
Azhar
JAY
LUQMAN
NOTE: THE AUTHOR APOLOGISES FOR FORGETTING THE LAST TWO PEOPLE. HE WAS SLEEP DEPRIVED. DUH.
Basically, I'm the one who goes and smoke every 10 minutes and who reads most of the time, Sab is the official question asker, Baem is a fucking saviour due to his awesomeness at spotting questions and Sufi is Barney. Oh and Luq is the 'Crunch' guy.
Wait, thats not the point... I swear, I deviate too often these days...
Point is, I didn't believe that this helps me that is until I did the tests. It wasn't easy but what was studied with these people actually latched to my brain. So basically waht I'm saying is that it works. It motherfucking works.
See, since I could recall, every single time I leave the exam hall, I will be:
- Depressed as hell
- Contemplating suicide
- Angsty
- Jealous to the others that went 'Haha, quite okay la'
I don't give a shit bout results no more.
Moving on.
Haha, it's kinda easy to aboid being depressed when one diverts the attention to something else. A-hem.
Hmmm... I really can write no more... My brain is clogged with physio, remnants of Anat and Micro. Do excuse me. I can see a long hibernation period coming right after the exams.
Oh and 6 minute solos are just fucking orgasmic. Yes. ORGASMIC. OR-FUCKING-GASMIC.
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