Sleepless Nights 12 - Contentment.

Before I start, I have not been writing for a week now. Tsk tsk. Here I am complaining bout people who don't update regularly. Yes, Ani and Kat, that was directed to you.

A-hem.

Exams are on, 2 papers are down and the next one is in lets see, 7 hours? Damn bitch.

Anyways, as one might or might not know, I am officially in a study group and I am a fucking nerd. A fucking nerd in a fucking study group who spends most of the fucking time cramming fucking medical text into his fucking brain in the fucking library; being fucking sleep deprived as hell most of the fucking time. Yes, to those who like to count, that's 8 identical curses in a sentence.

Okay, back to the study group part. At first I had no idea that I was even in a study group, hell, I think that nobody realises that they are. I just thought it was mutual studying. Started when i started to literally live in the library and now it's at the house below. Seriously, I have never been in a study group so basically I just followed the crowd. At dirst there were 4 people including me, then it kinda began to expand, it's like a slimy monster with tentacles that grabs anything that crosses it's path.

The members up till now:

Me
Sufi
Ika
Sabrina
My brother
Ain
Imran
Aisha
Baem
Azhar
JAY
LUQMAN

NOTE: THE AUTHOR APOLOGISES FOR FORGETTING THE LAST TWO PEOPLE. HE WAS SLEEP DEPRIVED. DUH.

Basically, I'm the one who goes and smoke every 10 minutes and who reads most of the time, Sab is the official question asker, Baem is a fucking saviour due to his awesomeness at spotting questions and Sufi is Barney. Oh and Luq is the 'Crunch' guy.

Wait, thats not the point... I swear, I deviate too often these days...

Point is, I didn't believe that this helps me that is until I did the tests. It wasn't easy but what was studied with these people actually latched to my brain. So basically waht I'm saying is that it works. It motherfucking works.

See, since I could recall, every single time I leave the exam hall, I will be:

1. Depressed as hell
2. Contemplating suicide
3. Angsty
4. Jealous to the others that went 'Haha, quite okay la'

But after these two papers, I went out and I could say, without lying to myself, it was okay. Not awesome but okay. Cause I knew that, fuck, I studied like an antisocial geek and it's the sense of understanding that I did all I could before the paper and whatever the outcome, I TRIED. No regrets, no suicide, no angst and no envy. It feels fucking good. I know that those days where I comr out with hate it's cause I knew that deep inside, I was the one to be blamed, I was the one who did not give my all and I was the one at fault. The people who could come out smiling have every right to do so cause who knew what they went through. Okay, fine, I still envy them but thats cause it's my favourite out of the seven sins.

I don't give a shit bout results no more.

Moving on.

Haha, it's kinda easy to aboid being depressed when one diverts the attention to something else. A-hem.

Hmmm... I really can write no more... My brain is clogged with physio, remnants of Anat and Micro. Do excuse me. I can see a long hibernation period coming right after the exams.

Oh and 6 minute solos are just fucking orgasmic. Yes. ORGASMIC. OR-FUCKING-GASMIC.