Well, finally, I have succumbed to sickness that had been plaguing my housemates for awhile now. I succumbed to it like a slave-whore succumbs to its master, bruised, beaten and at the end, face down and ass high up.
1. Now you have salivary glands in your nose.
I shit you not and you probably know that I shit you not. Your nose starts leaking and it's like your skull is a fucking water reservoir. And your nose is a faulty, rusting defective fucking valve. It doesn't stop and the amount of tissues... It's like being around a sex addict who can't get any being to relieve his addiction.
It's a fucking horrendous thing. it is. First it leaks, then it gets clogged up, then you sneeze and it's like an elephant ejaculated. Wait, scratch that. Wait, no, that's exactly what it feels like. And it runs down into your throat and you know, you just fucking know that it'll probably cause a motherfucking sore throat in the future. You blow your nose and wipe the snot to the point that it begins to fucking hurt from all that rubbing. At the rate I'm going, my fucking moustache will fall off. So you take some motherfucking medicine and then you feel that damned drowsiness dawn upon your helpless soul.
A common cold made you its bitch and you can't do jackshit except to spread your ass and let it enter.
2. Your body is now a brick. A heavy fucking brick.
Walking to the bathroom feels like you're Jesus carrying the fucking cross. There's that unholy something weighing down on your shoulders and no matter what you do, you just cannot shrug it off. Your muscles fall into a semi-coma state and it literally feels like you're dragging a bag of motherfucking bricks down the hallway. Plus, you still have that damned fear of a sore throat bugging your brain.
3. Everything, EVERYTHING, becomes fucking annoying.
People are annoying enough as it is but once you're sick... The shit that they spew out every time they open their mouth becomes the bane to your existence. They might be talking about the most sensible thing in the whole multiverse but when you're sick, it sounds like the Devil's farts. Fuck it, Tolkien might be talking to you but it'll still sound like a fucking defective music box.
4. You lose interest in things that need some sort of thinking.
Like writing this fucking post.
*
I don't like being sick. It's like falling into a pit where no warmth could reach, no matter how many fucking blankets I drape around myself. My head hurts, I feel tired as fuck, I can't stop sneezing and everything seems so damned bleak. I tried to write stuff down but nothing can find a way out of my goddamned brain. The only thing that soothes me now is fucking hot coffee and looking at Audrey Hepburn feeling utterly miserable.
*
I have awesome father skills. Like no shit man, I know for a fact that I'll be an awesome Dad. There was this infant in the paediatric ward who was crying and shit every time anyone needs to go and measure its head and palpate her fontanelles. When it came to my turn, the examiner looked like shit and evidently was pissed so I needed to keep the kid silent. Magic fucking hands bro, she started crying, I cradled her head and whispered words of comfort from ages long past and the fucker went to sleep. I, sir, am awesome. And sick. Oh God put a stop to this...
1. Now you have salivary glands in your nose.
I shit you not and you probably know that I shit you not. Your nose starts leaking and it's like your skull is a fucking water reservoir. And your nose is a faulty, rusting defective fucking valve. It doesn't stop and the amount of tissues... It's like being around a sex addict who can't get any being to relieve his addiction.
 |
| Just like this. |
A common cold made you its bitch and you can't do jackshit except to spread your ass and let it enter.
2. Your body is now a brick. A heavy fucking brick.
 |
| Now you know why he's so damned grumpy all the time. |
3. Everything, EVERYTHING, becomes fucking annoying.
People are annoying enough as it is but once you're sick... The shit that they spew out every time they open their mouth becomes the bane to your existence. They might be talking about the most sensible thing in the whole multiverse but when you're sick, it sounds like the Devil's farts. Fuck it, Tolkien might be talking to you but it'll still sound like a fucking defective music box.
4. You lose interest in things that need some sort of thinking.
Like writing this fucking post.
*
I don't like being sick. It's like falling into a pit where no warmth could reach, no matter how many fucking blankets I drape around myself. My head hurts, I feel tired as fuck, I can't stop sneezing and everything seems so damned bleak. I tried to write stuff down but nothing can find a way out of my goddamned brain. The only thing that soothes me now is fucking hot coffee and looking at Audrey Hepburn feeling utterly miserable.
*
I have awesome father skills. Like no shit man, I know for a fact that I'll be an awesome Dad. There was this infant in the paediatric ward who was crying and shit every time anyone needs to go and measure its head and palpate her fontanelles. When it came to my turn, the examiner looked like shit and evidently was pissed so I needed to keep the kid silent. Magic fucking hands bro, she started crying, I cradled her head and whispered words of comfort from ages long past and the fucker went to sleep. I, sir, am awesome. And sick. Oh God put a stop to this...
 |
| The fact remains... |
Paediatrics is done with, now onwards to fucking parasitic infections. Right after I get over this fucking sickness...
Eargasm of the day:
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