Got it all.

Dude, you frown way too much.

I frown too much? I can't frown too much, frowning is an act, once it's done, it's done.

You know what I mean, most of the time you look like you're gonna stab a guy in the face and piss into their eyesocket or something.

That's a pleasant image but come on la, I always look so huggable and adorable. If I didn't, I wouldn't even be dating you.

Yeah, right, huggable and adorable. The only time I saw you be any of that was when you were talking about Luthien.

Fine, I look like someone took a dump in my coffee but so what. I've had the same facial expression since I was a kid, you can't expect me to stop now. And Luthien is fuck awesome.

I'm not asking you to stop, I'm just saying. It'd be nice, *She placed her fingers at the tip of his lips and pushed upwards* if you could at least smile in my presence. Which is awesome-r than Luthien, yes?

If I answer that, I'm going to get in trouble. Also, fine I'll smile in your presence like a retard.

Good. You're saying Luthien is better than me?

I didn't say that. Let me put it this way, you're the best, you've got so many outstanding qualities and I can tolerate you for long periods of time which is a damned good thing, trust me.

But?

Damn, I thought I escaped that pit.

I'm still waiting.

Fine. But Luthien is... Luthien, woman, you can't expect me to explain to you how awesome she is.

I do expect you to explain.

She defeated motherfucking Sauron! And wove a robe that makes people fall asleep from her own fucking hair! And she cast a spell on fucking Morgoth! On Morgoth! The biggest, baddest, awesomest, insanest villain to have ever been created!

Aaaaannndddd.... She can't cook for you, can't hug you, can't ruffle your hair, can't kiss you, can't clean your room for you no matter how much you hate it, can't talk to you and... Oh yes, the most important one, she can't fuck you till your brain melts. And she belongs to Beren. And she's fictional. And she's already dead in her world. Yeah, I can totally see how she tops me.

Yes, thank you for understanding. Don't feel bad la, love, she's just that kind of amazing, you know.

*She frowns, moves away from him* Thanks a lot of the clarification. I don't think this is new to you but you're a cunt. A big fucking suppurative bag of cunt.

You're upset?

No, I'm actually super happy and fucking elated to know that you're more intoxicated with a fictional character than me.

Oh good, I thought you were mad. So, with that settled, you wanna watch a film later?

God! Are you that fucking daft? No I don't want to watch a fucking film with you. Fucking douchebag. I'm going home.

*He laughed and grasped her hand before she could leave* Well, while Luthien is all that, I must say, she does lack a certain something which prevents me from actually creating a machine that would send me to Doriath to steal her from Thingol.

*She stops, clearly curious* And what would that be? Small tits?

No. *He steps forward, puts his hand around her waist and whispers* She's not you. She might be awesome and all that but she's not you and you're the one who I ended up with.

Eargasm of the day: Because feelgood songs just awesome. We shakeshakeshake the night away.