Sleepless Nights 21 - Cranky.

To those who prefer not to know me when I'm cranky, fuck off.


I know I'm patient. I can tolerate with a lot of shit, believe me, I can. Somehow, I now realise, my patience is running out. Fast. Just imagine an hourglass. At first, the sand runs smoothly, but at the very end, if you notice, you realise that the sand runs faster than usual. That's my patience. Like the grains of sand at the last hour. I keep telling myself: Why the fuck are you fucking taking this fucking shit?!

I try and I fucking try but to no fucking avail. Now I realise it. Your fucking ego is like a fucking helium balloon. Seriously, I swear I thought at times it weaned, heh, fuck it, I'm just imagining shit. It's beyond help. The fucking balloon can't be fucking deflated.

So I think of ways to maybe, you know, help you cause what I see is a fucking lost kid. Who am I fucking kidding? Who am I fucking kidding? Who? My fucking self. You're not a fucking lost kid, you're just another fucking vermin in this fucking infested world. I officially stop thinking. You don't need fucking help. You need a fucking revelation.

So it comes to this. I calculated the shit and hmmm... Approximately 10 years? Yeah 10 years should do it. If I am ever to break this vow, I curse myself. 10 years from now, I will cut all ties with you. 10 years from now, I will not present myself to you. 10 years from now, I erase the very fact of my existence from you. Mark my fucking words. Sear it into your fucking mind. You know what, take it as another joke. Take it as the words of a fucking weak frail fucker who has never been able to keep his vow. Please, by all means do. Because when it really happens, you will not recall this day. The only thing you will do is wonder, and it'll occupy your mind so much that you can't fucking sleep. You'll be left wondering for the rest of your fucking life: Where did I go wrong. I will not answer. Remember? I erased myself from you.

It will hurt. Oh yes, I can already feel the coming pangs of pain that will slowly erode my body and soul. But it's worth it. I can tell. Oh yes, I can tell. For all that I have gone through, it is a fitting, if not over-the-edge, punishment for you. I will relish it, savour it and laugh each fucking time someone calls me up in the future, begging me to reconcile with you.

Today marks the day where it will all begin. I say thank you for all good deeds you have done. For the next 10 years, I will bow down and be a fucking slave if I'm not one already. 10 years. 10 fucking years.

The answer.

I finally got it. The answer to the question everybody is shoving up my ass when they contact me/ I contact them. Please la, be satisfied with this fucking answer, or else I'm chop your head off, boil your brain and eyes, suck the humour out and stuff them and hang them in my room.

Question: Shit la wei, Raya this year seem so damn boring la. Dah tak meriah doh. Why ah?

Answer:

1. You're grown up la. The excitemennt diminishes coz now you start to realise that hell, Raya is just another day where family gathers round and eat and lepak together for the whole day. Today, you get a fuckload of guest streaming into your house and all that. That sense of realisation makes Raya less fun, not to mention the only duit Raya you'll be getting is from close families only. Also, for most of you, Raya is going on while school is. So yeah, you know that this shit is short termed excitement and you'll be back in school before you know it. Ha-ha for you.
2. When you were a kid, Raya seems fun because you make an effort to actually go out and be with the throngs of people. Now? What the fuck, I see people being fucking online and lazing around in their room on Raya. No life ah you? Sad bhaenchod.
3. If none of the above hits the spot, then it's either I'm out of ideas or you're just fucked up. Nah, you're just fucked up.

I don't know, Raya seems pretty much the same for me. How can you not enjoy fucking Raya man? Retard.

Ok off to get me some bubur pulut hitam! Oh yeah bitch!

Oh, and Selamat Hari Raya. It's the third day in case some of you forgot.

Ciow.

Sabh khush now that Eid is coming

Meh, ignore title. I'm bored, fuck you.

So anyways, I just saw the most hilarious shit on facebook. There's a group, guess what it's called!

ANTI-BACK STABBERS GROUP

*Hysterical laughing*

Just when you think these people can't come up with things that'll surprise you, they do. And each time, it's just so much fucking better.

It confuses me really. How you want to spread a movement which basically is trying to battle with fucking human nature. Come on. You guys can't be that naive now can you? It's even funnier to see that the people who join em are the fucken members of the back-stabbing guild.

9/10 people nowadays are bound to backstab you as soon as you get through the borders of strangers. It's just the way it is, no use trying to assemble a fucking army of fucking 'good natured people'.

For that matter, I really respect the bomohs. I mean, check this out. They know there's a fuckload of sick fuckfinns out there who refuse to go to the doctor on the basis of anything medically related are Satan's servants. So these geniuses go around telling everybody that they can cure everything. In exchange, they get a free fuck, get elected as ketua kampung or just get plain fucking rich. If the patient still goes on sick, they give the best excuse in the world: Aih... The Demon is fucking powerful... I need to have a real good fuck with you then your condition will improve. See, these guys understand economics very well. There's demand, a very big one. And the ters are up to these fuckers to state. Holy fuck, it's like using a cheat in a game.

Hmmm oh yeah, fucken Eid is coming. Rejoice! We be cracking em firecrackers in em frogs! Seriously, why is everybody so fucking excited bout Raya... It's just another holiday.

Meh.

Ciow.

Follow/Watch/Like

I was having this conversation with a friend a few days ago. So we were talking bout some person's blog when he/she/it told me that he/she/it wasn't reading the shit. I asked why and this was the answer:

He/She/It: Oh, I saw her follower list. Meh, she had like 2 or 3 followers only so I guess it ain't worth reading.

Me: Huh? What the fuck? You seriously did that ah?

He/She/It: Ya la, I follow public opinion what.

Me: You're a fuckffin you know that.

Next scenario.

An amazing photograph on DeviantArt had zero comments and 3 faves.

A lacklustre photograph had 2,374 faves and 407 comments.

The first artist has no watchers.

The second has 548 watchers.



It's not sickening. I've accepted that fact a long time ago. Today, he who is popular shalt reign supreme. Still, every time it happens, I can't shrug off a of pure, unadulterated, overpowering feeling of disgust. It's as if everything has turned into a fucking race or something. I bet I can get more followers than you, I have more watchers than you, more people like my status and such. What the fuck is wrong with you fucktards?

It is true that usually, public opinion matters; sometimes it differs from one's point of view but one has a choice to agree or to disagree. Not only in the matters stated above but in most scenarios. All I'm fucking asking is that when the fuck has everybody cease to acknowledge the fact that the option exist? It's like most people are going 'Hell if I don't blindly follow the fucken public, I be digging me own 6 by 3 there. Or monsters be jumpin' out from me closet.'

Since when has the public held the Veto power? Since when has it been written that whatever they say make all the fucken sense in the whole fucken world? Since when ahs their voice reigned supreme? I'm so fucking temted to go VIVA LIBERTE on your fucking asses.

I know. Some of you out there are going ah, what the fuck, why should I listen to this kutte da puther? Believe me I'm not and best of all, it's the whole fucking point of this post. You have a fucking choice on whether to read this shit or not.

Everybody nowadays is going with what's called the 'in thing'. Fashion, books, underwear, fucking everything. Just cause one or two fucks went 'Hey, you know what, lets take this product and tell the everyone that is the best dang thing that has happened to us! Yay! Lets!' I just do not fucking comprehend why. Why wear a 2000 dollar dress just coz people say it's cool to do so but in truth, and even you know it, it's like fucking wrapping old curtains around yourself. Why spend 100 dollars on a book that everybody say is good when in truth it's content is worse than a fucking biochemistry textbook. Why wear perfume that smells like rotten elephant flesh. Why? When you can buy a 20 dollar dress and look good, spend 5 dollars on a really enjoyable book and spray some generic perfume that smells really good.

Some say it's the media's propaganda. I say it's your own nature. That fucking pet peeve of yours that can't stand being excluded from the 'cool' guys.

I say, fuck it all. I'm going to keep on writing even if the world hates my writing. I'm going to wear shit that I like even when the fucking majority laughs at me. If writing things that I like, making art the way I see fit and acting like myself makes me a fucking disgrace from the public's point of view, then so be it. Just don't be surprised when one day, you look at me and you go 'Hell, what if I had done the same?'

Self respect. That's what the wold is fucking lacking among other things.

A/N: To those who think that I'm just a sad person trying to defend myself due to a lack of followers/watchers, please continue to think so.

Sleepless Nights 20 - Rain, Lightning, Thunder and Butterfingers.

Is it just me or does everybody feel like when it's raining fucking cats and hounds, with lightning illuminating everything in sight every bloody second, thunder shaking the very foundations of the house and Butterfingers playing full blast, everything seems so peaceful?

It's like, the rain empties out the world. The flashing lightning and crashing thunder tells you that 'It's not fucking safe outside. Stay inside.'. Then you put on the earphones, play some Butterfingers' songs and voila. Perfect.

I don't know, with coffee, this shit is so fucking surreal. I'm talking bout the old butterfingers here. The grungy waves of music kinda fits in. Feels like you just walk into a crowd, shout 'FUCK YOU, FUCKFFINS!!!' and no one will dare raise their voice. It feels like you are the one, no one will or can fuck with you and it will stay that way. Well, at least until the rain stops which is now. Damn.

What music does, I swear to God. I'd like to go try and get some lightning shots but yes, for once I do admit that I'm quite fearful of the consequences. I mean, what the fuck, my camera could get fucking fried! Imagine this: Lightning flashing like crazy, in the middle of the lawn; a camera on a 5 and a half foot metal tripod. Hmmm... Pretty darn safe ey?

So I stay indoors grumbling... Coffee... Wait, coffee. What the fuck, where's my coffee??

Off to make some then.

Retarded Mafuckers.

I'm under the impression that most of you have heard about the Indonesian hate Malaysian thing.

I've been through a fuckload of blogs, articles etc etc all of them pointing to this issue. Best of all, the M'sians say they're good and the Indonesians are bad, and the Indonesians do the same thing. Perfect situation innit?

There's a very big difference when it comes to defending your country. I emphasise on this because I know that there's a lot out there who is reading this going 'What the fuck? He's telling me that I shouldn't protect my country?!'

If you go around doing this:

1. Telling everybody to fuck Indonesians.
2. Giving everybody the impression that M'sians are really the one that is feeding them.
3. Start burning fucking flags.
4. Causing hatred towards Indonesian workers.

Then yes, stop defending the country. Instead, go mess with some fucken gangsters or some shit and make surre they kill you. Simple.

I'm not a fucking saint la seriously, but I do know where the line starts and ends. Hatred gives way to more hatred. That's it. I saw a million comments on millions of blogs saying 'Ah, you know what, fuck the indonesians, without us, they'd be nothing.' A-hem. I fucking beg your pardon? How sure are you that it is not the other way? I know a fuckload of people that'd be clueless if there are no Indonesian maids. Oh and the rule is, you must hire non-M'sians to be maids since they are much inferior. Fuck you. Fuck you to the world's fuckhole, you fuckffin.

We are human. Half of us are gonna be rotten, half of us are good. It's the fucking norm. You see, there's word that 300 over people are gonna fuck M'sians up in Jakarta. Do you know that Jakarta has a population of 8,792,000? When compared to the bigger picture, everything seems meagre, no?

Point is, you can't just label Indonesians as a whole as total fuckers. That's like labelling Malaysia as a fucking cesspit occupied by Malays only. You see? It's wrong. There are other races too in M'sia. (Laughs Hysterically)

To those who disagree, who thinks that we HAVE to fuck em up, we have to discriminate etc etc...

You guys are the fucking role model for retarded mafuckers.

Sleepless Nights 19 - Camwhore.

I ban cam-whoring. I really do. If it means catching one's picture by putting the camera at a high angle and pouting one's lip - Basically trying to look 'cute'- etc etc, then yes! Ban it I do, with all the might in my emaciated body.

Why do I ban this absolutely moronic and shameful act?

1. Camwhoring is not reserved for people of celestial beauty and charm. Therefore you get 90% of the (Do not that this is reality. I dont give a fuck what you think or complain of.) fugly population doing said act. In very trampy clothes plus donning the tudung. Do take note that if one is part of the above population, one can use the camera to enhance one's beauty through a more art-related approach. Like taking a picture of a huge flower with one in the picture. With one's face behind the flower. Moving on.
2. Camwhoring contributes to massive emotional trauma and depression which leads some people such as yours truly to be adamant in his decision which is: Beauty has gone extinct 250 million years ago.
   
3. Camwhoring contributes to art being sliced down with a Ringwraith's blade, hit by a speeding bulldozer and left to fend for herself in a world of chaos. Not that I myself do not have a sense of fondness for chaos but hell, art belongs in a place where Unicorns and rainbows jog around fluffy cotton candy clouds. Seriously, if one who participates in said activity i.e. camwhoring wants to lessen the impact done towards whoever and whatever that is harmed in the process, please stop using fucking flash. You might have a particular liking towards your eyes being blinded by the time you reach 25 but please, for the love of everything holy and unholy, do take into consideration what damage it does to others.
4. Pay attention now, this is THE MOST important point. Most of the time I can overlook the fact that you need to define yourself in a pretty fucked up way and though it bugs the shit out of me, I can just escape by pressing the red square icon on the top right of the screen and browse some porn instead to get my mind off it. However. HOWEVER. It is when you force yourself onto other's innocent minds by posting your shit on Deviantart, I can't help but pulling out RPGs and start to randomly fire at you. Not that I care but by doing this, in the long run all your work is going to accumulate and then make DArt saturated as fuck in which other's work will not be able to gain recognition because most of the time, it is overshadowed by a fucking massive raincloud i.e. you. YOU. In all your fucking glittery I'm-so-fucking-emo-God-help-me-by-faving-my-art-cause-I'm-fucking-fugly-as-dog-shit ignorance, you forget that little fact.

Now, I swear that some who are reading this, camwhore or not will be thinking: Hey, who are you to say it's not art? You're fucking good is it to judge?

My reply is: Fuck off you fucken moronic yeast infected pussy. I'm not saying that it is not art. I'm saying that who the fuck cares if it is? Obviously you alone. Keep your fucking narcissistic 'art' to yourself, that way, you bother no one, everyday you can browse through your 'art' and jack off to how good you look and nobody will care but please, stop fucking oversaturating DArt or any of the fucking art site for that matter.

Mornings are pretty calming ey? Haha!

Still, I am adamant in my points. If you think that hell, I must not be around camwhores that much to *cooing voice* know that they're human toooo.... Then you got to be fucking kidding me. There's a shitload of camwhores I hang out with, and they are of no exception. This goes to them too. And heck, to those grumbling bout how I think I'm fucking perfect etc etc, come on la cibai. You think I'm not aware of my flaws? Sure, people get fucking annoyed but at least I don't post it on the god damned fucken internet for the world to see. I only cause a 'small' amount of people to be mentally deranged in my presence. Not the whole world. That counts for something.

Oh and to camwhores, I know you're human. So yeah, DIE BITCHES/MEN-BITCH DIE IN A FUCKING CAULDRUN OF ETERNAL FLAME AND DIE A MILLION DEATHS!!!! i HOPE YOU FUCKING MEET CTHULHU BHAENCHODS!

A-hem.

Ciow.

Angst.

Hmmm... It's been awhile since I posted something worth reading... Not saying this is but heck, at least this one has awesome kung-fu in it...

A-hem.

Thing is, I wrote a fuckload but its all fucking filled with really, uh, shall we say unsuitable stuff... It will offend. Definitely. So I leave them be, and I write a new one and the same thing happens. Now, I decided, heck, let's convey the message but lets make it simple shall we?

I am fucking tired and I refuse. Leave me be.

Now, if one is offended by this, then one can shove his/her/it's worries into one's own asshole.

To more happy news, I bought a fucking DSLR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Presenting my second wife:

Nikon D3000. OH-MY-FUCKING-GAWD. Yeaps, I'm a bimbo when it comes to these stuff.

To those who has camera knowledge, the D3000 is somewhat similar to the D60.

In a nutshell:

• 10.2megapixel CCD sensor. Even in low light the image resolution makes easy work of big prints and sharp enlargements.
• 11-point autofocus system. Keeps even the fastest moving subjects in focus, often the biggest challenge for compact cameras
• Fast response. The start up time and shutter lag means you can capture the shot almost instantly, without the delayed response time common of compact cameras
• Guide mode. Simply the easiest way to get great pictures, without having to read the manual
• 3-inch TFT. With pictures this good, you will need a great screen to share them with friends and family
• EXPEED image processing. Exclusive system to deliver rich, bright results close to what you saw with your own eyes
• Picture Controls. Lets you set the look and mood of your images before you shoot
• 3 fps continuous shooting allows you to capture fast-moving action at 3 frames per second
• Intuitive ergonomics. We challenge anyone to pick up a D3000 and it not to feel part of your hand
• Stylish discrete appearance. The D3000 does not become a barrier between you and your subject, resulting in natural looking expressions
• Compact, light and durable. It won’t fit in your pocket, but with pictures this good you will find a shoulder to hang it on

Yeah, I know, I just copy pasted that shit. What the fuck, who reads this shit man... So far it has been pretty fucking awesome to say the least. I mean do expect starshots. Lots of em.. Oh yeah...

Oh yes, I'm looking for Silmarillion. Please notify me if anybody has it.

Ciowz.