Sleepless Nights 21 - Cranky.

To those who prefer not to know me when I'm cranky, fuck off.


I know I'm patient. I can tolerate with a lot of shit, believe me, I can. Somehow, I now realise, my patience is running out. Fast. Just imagine an hourglass. At first, the sand runs smoothly, but at the very end, if you notice, you realise that the sand runs faster than usual. That's my patience. Like the grains of sand at the last hour. I keep telling myself: Why the fuck are you fucking taking this fucking shit?!

I try and I fucking try but to no fucking avail. Now I realise it. Your fucking ego is like a fucking helium balloon. Seriously, I swear I thought at times it weaned, heh, fuck it, I'm just imagining shit. It's beyond help. The fucking balloon can't be fucking deflated.

So I think of ways to maybe, you know, help you cause what I see is a fucking lost kid. Who am I fucking kidding? Who am I fucking kidding? Who? My fucking self. You're not a fucking lost kid, you're just another fucking vermin in this fucking infested world. I officially stop thinking. You don't need fucking help. You need a fucking revelation.

So it comes to this. I calculated the shit and hmmm... Approximately 10 years? Yeah 10 years should do it. If I am ever to break this vow, I curse myself. 10 years from now, I will cut all ties with you. 10 years from now, I will not present myself to you. 10 years from now, I erase the very fact of my existence from you. Mark my fucking words. Sear it into your fucking mind. You know what, take it as another joke. Take it as the words of a fucking weak frail fucker who has never been able to keep his vow. Please, by all means do. Because when it really happens, you will not recall this day. The only thing you will do is wonder, and it'll occupy your mind so much that you can't fucking sleep. You'll be left wondering for the rest of your fucking life: Where did I go wrong. I will not answer. Remember? I erased myself from you.

It will hurt. Oh yes, I can already feel the coming pangs of pain that will slowly erode my body and soul. But it's worth it. I can tell. Oh yes, I can tell. For all that I have gone through, it is a fitting, if not over-the-edge, punishment for you. I will relish it, savour it and laugh each fucking time someone calls me up in the future, begging me to reconcile with you.

Today marks the day where it will all begin. I say thank you for all good deeds you have done. For the next 10 years, I will bow down and be a fucking slave if I'm not one already. 10 years. 10 fucking years.