Sleepless Nights 48 - Out There be Monsters.

I want to tell the world about it.

Of course you do, everyone does, everyone fucking does. Score, aye?

You're not telling the fucking world you fucktard. You know the stories. You know exactly what is gonna be said in the event that you tell.

Well... Yeah, but fucking hell mate, this is kind of a big thing. Like, holy fuck I can't believe this is fucking happening to me.

So tell 'em. No, fucken advertise it. Huge banners. In fucking bold.

Look, guy, you think that this'll fucking bring you untimely joy and happiness but let me be the first fucking one to tell you what exactly is going on. Your brain, that is the place in which I live in, is right now in the state of fucking euphoria. One, is due to the lack of motivation to do anything, because you're twisted that way. Two, it's because of the fucking endorphins. Three, it's because your little friend has finally had some fresh air. Well, not exactly fresh but meh, not like you give a fuck.

Honestly, what the fuck could they possibly say that would fuck me up. Build up a wee bit of tolerance, haven't I? Besides, I'll just, you know, let it slip. To trustworthy people.

Yeah, yeah, I mean what harm could they even do. Minus the physical harm, pretty much zero.

I am here because you're weak and torn and damaged. That is why it is my fucking obligation to fucking stop you. You know exactly what the human fucking tongue could dish out. You know the tainted seed it could implant. You fucking know. Don't do this. Don't fucking do this. Shit will get out of hand and your little witty argentum lingua won't be worth fuckshit.

But it's been so long. So fucking long since a bit of warmth got to me. I don't fucking know what exactly to do now do I? Might need some help here.

Yeah, quite, probably from someone who's been there. Yeah, that dude, had a little taste didn't he? No fucken harm in gaining some extra info, aye?

Haha. I don't even know why the fuck I'm trying to talk you out of this little wee jiffy 'ere. Christ, it's fucken history innit? Repeating itself. Fucking again. You're gonna do the same thing you did, then it's back to the abuse and the numbness. Haha, mate, you know what, go ahead. Go fucking ahead, do what you do fucking best, go forth and destroy some fuck's life. Go ahead, because you're egoistic fuckself can't handle the fact that you're  not built for shit like this. Holy fuck, you're pretty fucken cheap aren't ya? A little tease of the ol' gulliver and you fall straight into it like a fucking pathetic little bitch. Fucking perfect. Then you know what happens? I have to fucking tolerate all the bullshit while you retreat into your little fucking hermit hole and cower in silence. I'm the fucking one that's gonna have to fucking take over and act all fucking normal and fuck, when my fucking place is not fucking out there.

Oy you mean little fuck, give the guy a break will you? Been awhile hasn't it? 'Sides, it's all fun and fucken games aye? Haven't been into the whole flutter effect? Listen, phai, keep it here, just at this level. Bit of the ol' sugar coating, bit of the ol' teasing and that's it. Just fun and games. And manipulation. See how far you can go eh? Or not.

To be fair, I did lay a rough sketch of the ground rules didn't I?

Of course you fucking did. Didn't help all that fucken much back then did it? Or the what, the next four, five times? Sigh, fuck this. Abandon this ship mate. It's been sinking, you just happened to stumble across it and found out how perfect it fits your description.

Nope, you can't turn us off, mate. We're gonna be here, all the fucking time.

*

I told you so.

I know.

He told you so.

I know.

I don't really mind though.

Oh, look at Mr. Liberal here. Yeah, your little waggling don't exactly work on me. Us. You know. Since we're the fucken ones that come up with it.

It ain't that bad is it? I mean, pretty weird, yeah, pretty fucking awkward indeed but that's the end of it, aye? Their loss?

I'm blinking metaphysically in utter disbelieve at that notion. Is there any fucking sanity even left in your fucking gulliver? Phai. This is the whole 'I lost my fucking kid sibling in a fucking accident' sob fucking story. It's motherfucking fiction. How the fuck can't you even see that? It's not even a fucking good attempt. It's like a fucking green tit blender. You see? It doesn't fucking exist because blenders don't normally fucking have tits!

Ho man, we should definitely get a fucking sword. Like a big ass goddamn claymore.

I don't know. I don't fucking know any fucking more.

Sleepless Nights 47 - Hmmm...

Well, exams are fucking over with finally. There's a calm feeling washing over me right now, knowing that I won't ever have to fucking read Biochemistry any more. Or is that wishful thinking? Of course it fucking is, when does Medicine ever abide to the wants of her students... It's like a fucking Sadomasochistic relationship, only that I'm the fucking masochist. For fucking ever.

Pictured: Medicine,\; whipping everybody into submission since Hell got a tad bit warm for human habitation.

Ah well, I'll cross the fucking bridge when I get there.

Surprisingly, for one who have finished a month of exams, I'm not exactly in an epileptic fit of utter bliss. For some reason shit keeps on coming up, like fucking people with their fucking problems, fucking shoving it in my face like I actually fucking give a flying fucking fuck. To be perfectly honest, I can tolerate shit, actually, I'm fucking like it when you relate shit and fucking whine at me. It gives me a sense of accomplishment see, some sort of ego boost. What pains me is that when you know, you fucking shove the same shit down my throat as if I like fucking repetitions. For the fucking love of whatever it is that's holy, have some variation.

Summer, as they so rightly say, is the season of misunderstandings. I quite like that quote meself really, knowing how true it is since it's fucking evident every fucking where. This time however, I'm finding myself, yes moi, right smack in the fucking middle of it. Jesus fuck, what on fucking earth do I even do in this circumstances. Do I go ahead, like a goddamn idiotic lumbering fuck, or do I stay behind the line and cackle like a fucking maniac. Disadvantage of the latter is this:

Sigh, this is pretty much what I hate about the human race. It's the need to be all fucking coy, giving out hints like they're fucking candy and my God they do it as if its an obligation towards the sustenance of life. Look, it might work well with every other fuck in the world, but for fuck's sake, you give hints to an over the top honest fuck, all he is ever going to understand is you're being a tad bit cheeky. Whatever happened to days where people used to shout how they feel from a fucking mile away? Those were simpler times, indeed. No wonder we're having these goddamn wars and protests et cetera. I'm as dense as an otherworldly metal yet to find its way to earth, christ, why is it communication so fucking awkward nowadays. Or is it just me?

There's also the unresolved issue of this hut I call home. Paying LE 400 is not fucking worth it in this place, not under any fucking circumstances. Sigh. The nomadic tendencies are already infused in the genes I see... It'd suck to move again...

I've also polished off  the last of my coffee reserve with a little bird earlier, so now I'm going to have to consider suicide as a viable option. Or buying some of them fine grained coffee powder... Why on earth is it so fucking fine anyway? Cap Tupai... I'm going to miss you, friend... You have been with me through thick and thin, stayed with me without fail on those sleepless nights, urging me to not cave in to the temptation of Lady Sleep. You laughed with me when my eyes are bright and my days happy, you inject the very essence of comfort into my blood when the skies are grey and my soul fragile... You fend the claws of past sins when they were just about to reach me, knowing very well how lethal their touch could be... Good night, sweet prince, fare thee well along thy journey into the sunken abyss... One day we shall be reunited.

Only one photo of you to have ever graced the internet... The injustice...

The company was fuck good though, I cannot find any fault. A tad bit lack of sleep resistance though, but ah well, that could be repaired.

On the lighter side of things though, I reckon that I could have a bit of space to spend in the coming days before the UK tour, just maybe... I don't know what amount is left in me bank account but I have been keeping the expenditures to a minimum. Also, reduction of my waist size to fucking 28. Let's see how far we can get this baby to go, aye.

Anyway, this blog of mine is going to go on hiatus while I fuck around in the UK, stuff happening over there will be updated in me travel blog which can be found GERERERERERERERE.

Cheers, fuckers.

You Fucking Insane Brain.

It's fucking weird, you know. I've been fucking trying to get less hours in my sleep but with better rest (If you don't fucking understand what I said, click this long ass bitchy link.) but most of the time, I get to the point where a day will pass with what, 2 hour power naps 4 times, then it's back to fucking 10 hours of sleep.

Then on days like this, my body will fucking think that hey, maybe today is a fucking good day to do that, let's just sleep for fucking 3 hours now. Sure, it's pretty nice and everything, I wake up refreshed and all that jizz. Unfortunate as it is, my body is a fucking idiot and it'll do this in the worst possible situations. Take today for example. I was up till 7 am just now, Skyping with a few old friends while trying to cram as much Parasitology as possible into the unwilling brain. After all that shit is done with, I thought yeah, an 8 hour sleep would be perfect, I'll wake up at 3 or 4 in the evening and then I won't sleep until tomorrow after the fucking exams. Apparently, that thought didn't set in me fucking gulliver, instead it thought 'Meh, you know what, fuck this shit, I'm gonna wake up and start functioning at motherfucking 12 pm, cause fuck long sleep.'.

What will fucking happen is that I'll feel fucking sleepy as a fucking doped up terminal patient by 10 pm, which will fuck up my cycle and if I don't sleep, my fucking tongue will feel fuck weird. Like it's too big for my already oversized mouth cavity.

Still, I can't complain about falling immediately into REM sleep, lucid dreams are never to be complained of. Doing so will result in gaining a cardinal sin, like getting a black star in fucking kindergarten.

Enough on that. I just realised how fucking weird it is to catch up with fucks that I haven't seen in three years and realise that none of us have really undergone a metamorphosis of the self (Change does not exist, remember?). It's like after all these years, we are still those fucks having no clue whatsoever to what we are doing, relying instead on the passage of time to reveal stuff to us... I actually expected something to surprise me; a new way of speech, physical appearance or just a new fucking way to laugh. It's somewhat comforting.

On a more depressing note, how is it even plausible for someone as fucked up as I to have such loyal friends? Like fuck, if I have to, I'd frig 'em over, and yet they still abide and prefer to not think of the day where I might actually do that... Hmmm...

Ah well.

Also, 10,000 views, I think this post is just a sad excuse to thank thee reader(s?) for being the silent non-commenting types. You know how much I love it when you do that.

Sleepless Nights 46 - (Fucking) Love M.D.

So, as it is, an apparently enlightened female soul has found it in her conscience to liberate me from my own ignorance by telling me that hey, for some reason unbeknownst to mankind, that I have a rare gift which is the inability to fucking understand the notion of romance. She further based this upon the fact that;

1) I have been single for about three years.
2) I am apparently mean to women.
3) I don't seem to pay much attention to the other sex.

So with the arsenal of three seemingly valid reason, she valiantly handed her verdict to me and she further justified herself with the sentence and I quote "... I know you're going to deny this."

To make it crystal clear, I am mocking this lady because at this moment, I am awfully offended and well actually downright insulted.

Inability to love, you say? There are three things I take pity upon right now; your parents for having brought up such a shallow little cretin, the government and the people of our country for having spent money on you and your education and your intelligence which resides in you because I see not the how you could utilize it.

I'm going to disprove every single one of your claims, and then I am going to further mock your moronic ideology because as much as I know that this won't change a thing about your shrewd mentality, at least I'll have my say. Also, I doubt that this level of English would appeal to you since I am pretty sure that your comprehension doesn't exceed a ten year old. That was me being polite. You might want to have a dictionary by your side.

As preposterous as your first claim is, you are right about a part of it. I'm single yes, not by choice but more of an obligation to the gene pool. Over here, my choices are extended to the likes of you. What's wrong with being yourself, you might ask? Please, let me elaborate in excruciating detail. Unlike most men, I could give physical attraction some slack, I don't give a fuck about your body parts - Which you seem to lack anyway - the only valid thing I seek of is a face which I could bear to look at for half a day, and your personality. Now, since your face is not something which would make me look forward to my day, I would still consider it since there is a probability that your personality might just brighten my dull life. Then I think of it and I realise that all that is just a mere fiction of my imagination.

Apart from having the stature of a prepubescent teen, your mind and ego makes a puddle of water seem like the vast ocean. You're a shallow little fuckling with a perspective narrowed down to your academic performance and your dreams of prince fucking charming. You have a disability in the terms of widening your horizons; you see a road and you refuse to follow it because amidst all that confident persona you pretend you are, there lies a core of cowardice which has you so tangled up in its roots and branches that you've felt comfortable living in that hell hole. You're lazy and negative, your ideal future is to stay at home and reproduce while waiting for a husband to come home and treat you like a lower mammal. So with all of this said, do you honestly think that I would like to waste my time and effort to offer someone like you, my love? Of all the better potential out there, do you think that I'd settle for an inferior little you?

Now, onwards we trudge to challenge (Which trust me, is too strong of a word for your little puny statement) which is the fact that I am mean to women. I refute your claim by saying that I am mean to most people, regardless of sex. Why? Hmmm, I can't really put my finger on it but I believe it has something to do with, I don't know, maybe the fact that most of you have the intellect of a cretin? How am I supposed to treat you as a functioning adult when your mind is underdeveloped, your maturity at the level of a zygote and your actions are on par to that of a domestic animal?

I have people whom I treat as my equal because these are the people to whom I could have an argument with, whom I can raise my voice to and refute any of their claims but after all that, we could go grab a fucking coffee and laugh at people like you. And they do the same to me because being offended doesn't exist in our vocabulary, we have an unspoken rule that all of our debates are based on the fact that we disagree and hence, we aim to have total honesty. Your definition of 'mean' is sadly a fucked up one, because as far as I'm concerned, I try to be honest in most of my dealings but you, O my fucker, can't seem to accept this truth and hence you label it under a term which you feel is fair to you. The people whom I treat as equal do not begrudge me when I tell them that maybe the dress that they're wearing is a tad bit too funky for the day, they begrudge me when I lie to their face and tell them they look splendid. They accept my opinions with an open mind and if they find the need to disagree, they speak up. So if telling me that I'm mean to women, then fuck you, it is fucking obvious that this 'women' that you speak of only pertain to little shallow you, fucking selfish bitchlet.

Now, let us move on to the last of your so called 'valid' point which is the fact that I don't pay much attention to the other sex. I'm going to go out of my way here and say that this is a repetition of the first point, but then again, I guess that reflects your ability for critical thinking. Here I actually thought that someone of your academic calibre could at the very least give a sound argument. Who am I fucking kidding, really.

Since you have a knack for repetition, I'll do the same but because I refuse to stoop down to your level, I'll find a different set of points to use and you know why? Because unlike you, it does not tax my brain to have to think of all these, it comes naturally and in all truth, I feel a wee bit sad for your trapped intelligence. It deserves to be placed in a more liberated physic. A homeless person would do. So let me get to the point. Why I don't pay much attention to the other sex round here. That's pretty simple actually, as I have outlined before, the potential here is not only pathetic, it's almost non-existent. To be paying attention to the likes of you would taint my lineage, it would be a direct insult to my forefathers. In simpler terms, if I ever have my dick touch any part of you, it would result in an immediate severance of everything I hold dear to me.

The truth is that some of you devotchkas here have a pretty sweet face with a nice personality to go with it. What's stopping me then? The fact is that every single time I pass by you fuckers give me a look as if I'm a fucking rapist. A religious obligation I hear you say? I call bullshit, to insult a person would be such a nice thing God tells you to do. I honestly don't give a fuck if you would want to look to the ground - I'd do so too, really, those manholes are a bitch to skip over - but when you look away as if I'm a goddamn leper, it gets personal.

A manhole; in case you didn't understand.

Here's the deal. I'm not pissed off at the fact that you blatantly took a hit at something you have no inkling over. I'm not pissed off over the fact that you can't even give a good argument. What I am pissed off, is that it was uncalled for. Also, your understanding of love is shallow and perverted.

You think that love is about the bond shared between two humans, a bond which they will hold on to until they get married, have children and then fucking die. My definition is that love is an abstract object that could latch on to anything - Anything - and because of this, it could bring forth magic and enlightenment. It can cause a person to be happy for the rest of his life, at the same time it could cause the same person to go insane. It could manifest itself in the form of music and it will lead to masterpieces, it could be present in between a painter and his/her subject. It could lead to creation, and it could cause imminent destruction. It's everywhere. The same love could evolve into hatred.

So, here, let me ask you a pretty simple question. With so much things to love, why, why in the name of everything fucking holy and unholy; would I choose to love you? You, a weak coward with a shallow mind. You with a touch that spells death to intellect and joy. You. Why the fuck, would I ever do that.

The Colours of Our Flag.

I rarely write about politics. It's because I'm not interested in it and at the same time, I don't have the adequate knowledge. This however, is an exception because this is my country in peril and I will not let it pass without saying a word.

As most of you know, there's the Bersih 2.0 rally going on. So far there's the whole separation of the rakyat where some support Bersih while the others are against it.

Where do I stand? Right now, I can honestly say that I'm against both, the participants of Bersih and UMNO supremacists. I admit that I am in support of the idealism of Bersih. Who wouldn't be, really? A movement to remove corruption from the very heart of the nation, that would be such an idealistic vision. I want that, everyone wants that. What I do not want, is blood to be spilled over it.

I don't agree with the fact that there has to be a rally over this. Sure, I get the point that you want your voices heard loud and clear. I get the fact that the government aren't the most receptive things around. I get that you've had enough of whatever it is that you find flawed. However, I do not agree that a mass protest would be the best way to resolve this. What happened to forming a committee and sending representatives with the memorandum? I know that some are going to say that it is not going to work but I'm sorry for being condescending, you have not tried have you? If you had, and you failed, it would be to your advantage; you have a stronger point to convince the people with. The government are not run by idiots, they've been in power for 50 years not only because they're tyrants. It's also because they know how to win people over.

I wonder, however, at the aim of the rally. It's plain and simple, of course. To hand over a memorandum to the King, and strongly hope that it all goes well. At this point I must stop myself and inquire about the logic of getting the King involved. Why? What good does it make? Am I the only one who realises that the King is no more than a symbol in our country and that he holds no power whatsoever in the comings and goings of the fucked up administration? What could he possibly do with these demands? He could read it of course, support it, carve it into marble and hang it outside the palace but that's it. Why did Bersih not go to someone with a more direct involvement in the administration, say the Prime Minister himself? Folly? The fact that you have not tried is already a testament to your unwillingness to explore other option, instead you want to go through with the one which would generate as much discontent as possible.

The current government is shit, I agree. Spending the Rakyat's money as if it were milk poured into a huge bowl of cereal, I understand the need to be angry. I am angry. I am pissed the fuck off when I heard that a facebook page needs to be maintained at a cost of about one million Ringgit. I'm pissed the fuck off when I heard a fucking ring costs 73 million Ringgit. I'm pissed the fuck off when I heard that a proposed MRT project would cost 50 fucking billion Ringgit when the Trans Siberian link only costs 3 billion (Citation needed). Look, I myself am not sure about the facts but listening about this scares the shit out of me. However, and this is important, it does not stand to reason for any to bypass all the ethical and moral barriers just because of all this fuckupperies the present government. People are angry, they fear for the future, but there has always been a guideline to overcome these problems.

I heard (and am not entirely sure of this) that Bersih aims to follow the footsteps of the Egyptian revolution. I cannot hold back but ask this: Are you motherfucking insane? The Egyptians won, yes, but at a cost so high that we won't be able to pay. Not only were there countless casualties, their economy is fucked up beyond relief. There's a price for hard fought peace, and often, it is not one that we are prepared to pay.

Now there's this whole anti-Bersih thing. Not only do I find this extremely offensive, it's an insult to every single Malaysian out there. What happened to being tolerant and patient? What happened to keeping calm and analysing the whole situation? Or am I the one who is being delusional in believing that my fellow countrymen could do that? Fuck you Perkasa. Fuck you for being so fucking fragile and scared of change.

People are at the moment, delirious. There's a voice in everybody's head asking what is to happen to the country if this is what the government is like. I myself have been asking the question countless of times and I'm in Egypt for fuck's sakes. If I were in Malaysia, I'd probably start constructing a goddamn killing machine and go on a rampage. That's why I looked at the way Barisan National handled the rally as an embarrassment. They allowed themselves as the ruling party to be provoked, they allowed their ego to top their rationality and sadly, that brought much chaos. They did not think about the consequences of their actions but instead, they held dear the phrase 'To live during the moment.'.

They should have allowed the rally to go on. That's what I honestly think the best way is. If they had, the memorandum would be sent to the King (I'm still in doubt over the effectiveness of this.) everyone would have gone home and that's it. They would have prevented the loss of resources by dispatching the FRU, they would have stopped unnecessary violence and most important of all, is that they could at least have been praised by the media. Now, there's thousands of videos and what not condemning my fucking country and making the lot of us look as if we're a goddamn bunch of unruly barbarians.

What's worse is the by-product of the rally. Hatred goes without saying, racism, the seeds of a major catastrophe being sown into the minds of our generation; the generation that is supposed to take over the reins of leadership. I have personally seen on facebook how photos have been spread by obvious racists with condescending remarks and people react to it by showing how shallow they really are. They allowed themselves to ignore the brain they have and be swayed by what they see without factual evidence. So I ask, when will this stop? Do we need another 13th of May to finally realised what fuck ups we are? I hope not.

It's funny. Yellow and Red (and Blue, if you consider the police force) going at each others' throat when nobody stopped to see that all these are the colours of our flag. Our Jalur Gemilang. It's been far too long for one without the proper knowledge to talk, so I'll stop. Just my two fucking cents.

Mania; Part One.

Nowadays…

I feel dead inside,

Like a machine, I go about doing my daily chores and errands,

Numb; the cells dead and fossilized,

The blood in my veins stand still and coagulate,

My heart; it’s just a dry well.

Nowadays…

I feel old,

The demons of past sins claw and they gnaw at my brittle bones,

My hands tremble and they shake,

Nights are never peaceful but then again, so are the days.

Nowadays…

I look in the mirror

and all I see is a void, a deep black abyss,

Churning and turbulent, it has its teeth sunk so deep into my soul

That all I can feel in between the pangs of despair and numbness,

Is a deep stabbing pain.

Nowadays…

I lie down on a bed

With seven different women of seven different colours from seven different continents,

And all of them, they do seven different things which gives me the illusion of heaven,

Yet all I can feel, all this fragile soul can feel…

Cold.

Nowadays…

I look at the sky

And all I see are white clouds amongst the light blue sky,

Gone are the scene of angels and demons at war,

Gone are the different worlds which I used to play in when I was a kid.

All that is left is the monotonous white clouds amongst the endless blue.

Nowadays…

I try to talk,

But the only sound I have left is silent sobs,

I try to sing a happy song,

But all I can come up with is a lament to this crumbling decrepit world.

Nowadays…

I wake up in the morning,

Only to find my body rigid and paralyzed,

I see my soul hovering over me weeping,

It refuses to return into this prison,

This ugly feeble prison.

Nowadays…

I welcome the descend of chaos,

To wake up knowing that many have not the pleasure of doing so,

Going out and examining the splatter of blood against an unfortunate wall,

Watching the faces of wailing women as the martyrs are paraded,

I feel as if God is by my side.

Nowadays…

I see naught but an endless road,

One that I tread on, one that I’ve known since birth,

It goes on, across the horizon, over the rainbow and under the ocean,

I strain my eyes, I squint and I blink but all I see at the end,

Is myself, staring back, dead eyed.

Nowadays…

I fear everything,

People passing by, a balloon floating pass,

They conspire and they plot,

Cold sweat line my brows and my heart races,

The Sun, its malice pierces through.

Nowadays…

I am constantly pinned down,

The burden of being utterly useless,

Crunches down on my bones,

It bludgeons me, runs me down, I cry!

Bloodied and broken, I lie crumpled.

Nowadays…

I watch as pieces of myself,

Crumble and dissolve and disintegrate,

A million shattered pieces forming a trail of despair behind me,

I hug myself, fear grips and I shudder,

It does not help.

Nowadays…

Nowadays I fall,

And the ground, oblivion,

She welcomes me.

Listen.

Listen.

Do you hear it?

The tension of my body’s strings increasing,

As your voice, it tunes them,

Your mind composing the song

And your fingers running through,

From me and from me alone,

You could bring forth music.

Do you hear the deep bass beats,

Of my heart as it thumps and bumps along,

The tempo increasing as you skip among the lillies,

Moonbeams shine upon you and only you,

Drumroll, cymbals clash;

You hold my hand.

Listen to the trumpets and the sax,

Going on and on and on,

Like a bird in flight swooping and sweeping,

My breath erratic, struggling,

The sweet scent of jasmine in your hair,

Out comes the fluid tune which the angels envy,

Only you, love, only you could bring it forth.

Have you heard the string quartet,

Resonating from my voice as I look to you confused,

My mind catatonic, scrambled, insanity descends,

The violins and the cellos playing ever so furiously,

Then softly, calm,

As you hold me tight and tell me that it’s okay.

I wonder if you heard,

The scaling and the bends and the licks,

Of an electric guitar with its amp on full blast for all the world to hear,

Simply as you smile and tell me that you’re mine,

Note after note, fret after fret,

Like a twenty minute solo,

Without even the lightest glitch.

Do you hear, love, do you hear?

The piano weeping,

Its pain raw and painful,

Suppurating, malignant and bleeding,

On and on it goes, grieving,

And it’s all because you’re not there,

Listen, my charm, listen well,

Listen to this instrument of yours,

Only by your hands could my noise be composed,

Arranged and sown together to form something so utterly soothing,

Listen well, my maestro,

Listen.