Fucking scream your heart out, that's what I want.

Have you ever get the feeling that some people want to say something but they seal it in a little tiny fragile box called the mind and just refuse to speak? Really, this is fine by me, but for goodness sake, please try and put a better mask on. When you do that and I realise it, it offends me greatly, it's as if you do not trust me as a common human being to appreciate what you have to say, accepting it or rejecting it is another story.

So this is what's really bugging me right now. It applies to so many part of my life right now, it's frustrating to even do my everyday chores. Let's review.

The Exhibition.

I joined the exhibition in hopes of people feeling the need to burn my work due to it's countless flaws. I want them to shout at me for doing such a messed up job, not because I have a fetish or anything but that's the only way I will be able to improve. Yes, of course I really appreciate things like 'awesome', 'nice composition' etc etc but if the point of doing that is just to flatter me coz I'm Malaysian, get the fuck out of my face. On the opening day, I stayed by my photo and only one person gave a really good critism, something that made me realise I still have a long way to go. Thing is, there are others that want to criticise but they prevent myself from doing so using reasons such as I'm their friend, I'm Malaysian and whatever other fuck. As I said, put on a better mask or don't put one on at all.

The University.

Another place where I will never be able to find peace. Some people look at me and it's so fucking obvious to see that they want to say something to me, their insides itch and their muscles twitch but nope, it's better than making me upset. Believe me, me being upset about something you said is much better than me looking down on you. At least when you said what you wanted, I might bitch about it for awhile but you will earn my respect for not caring what I think about what you said. Oh, and you, if you're reading this, trying to strike up really random conversations with me will not allow you to convey your message to me. As much as a freak as I am, I can still have normal conversations.

The Streets.

Do I need to say any more? When I took the TB test, there was this ninja, I mean, woman in burqa that came to me and said something in Arabic that I obviously did not understand. So I was like pointing to Zap and telling her he speaks Arabic. She refused and still talked to me to a point where it got uncomfortable. (The Author does not appreciate random people invading his perimeter. There might be reflex action.) Only when she started to point at what most probably annoyed her; it was hard with her face covered, that I understood. She found it weird that I tied my hair and was asking me why. Okay, fine, she told me to take it off for the love of mankind but I shrugged and walked away. The point is, she said what she wanted to, I did not accept it but thats how the world is. You can't always get what you want in life but you sure as hell can make everyone know you want it. For example, I would like a DSLR. *hint hint* A-hem.

In other unrelated yet interesting news.

1. WHO IS THAT GIRL IN THE CRAFT??? FUCK! *drools*
2. I found brown chalk in the physiology department! BROWN CHALK! BROWN!
3. Fauzi, the anatomy lab assistant is a crazy fuck who wants to make Zap a cadaver. I will be watching from a distance mate. You can't stop people like that.
4. Is it just me or doees holidays in Egypt come when you don't want them to? I want to study tomorrow... And it's a fucking holiday. Le Sigh.

That's bout it I guess. I need someone to scream at me one of these days.