Sleepless Nights 4 - Anger Management Issues.

What is anger? The feeling that makes the blood in your veins/arteries/capillaries boil, the sudden pounding in the head, the tightness in the chest and the pure hatred to the person/object that has caused it.

Next question. How do you control anger? You stay in a dark room, you recite holy verses, you think happy thoughts, you spend a day's worth of calories on trying to carve a smile onto your face etc etc.

Next. Where does anger lead you. Nowhere in particular. It really depends on the magnitude of the events that happens after your failure to contai your anger.

Next. Does the author have anger management issues?

Answer: Yes he does. He fails miserably to contain his anger.

I have anger management issues. I really do and I have come to terms with the fact that I can't do shit about it. See, I have two options.

1. Bottle it up. I will not do this. Why? It results in the image below.


2. Let it out by chanting sutras or doing yoga. I will not do this either. I fail to see how locking my legs around my head would help in reducing my anger.

3. Let it out by screaming/crying/talking to someone/writing emo poems bout how life sucks. This doesn't work due to a couple of reasons. One, I might be caught and admitted into Hospital Bahagia, two; burdening someone else with my own problems is not the way i settle things, three; the only thing that sucks bout life will be the poem.

4. Let it out by thrashing stuff/taking long walks/ talking to myself/ self injury. This works. By thrashing stuff, you let out your frustration. If you're lucky, the item you are thrashing will take the form of what is pissing you off. Long walks are awesome. As long as no asshole talks to you. Talking to yourself. Hmmm, who else understands you better than yourself? Besides, a combination of long walks and talking to yourslef does wonders. Self injury. I'll leave that to that.

5. Sleep on it. The best solution for me.

I have strayed from the topic. Anyways, anger management issues.

When i get angry, I become somewhat clueless. I lose my train of thought, my head feels like it's bout to explode and I get rabies. Umm, scratch that. I do not under any circumstances foam at my mouth. I go into a trance-like condition where everything seem blurry. Ever played 'Need for Speed'? It's exactly like when you drive the car so fast annd the things around you go ummm... Play the game and you'll get me. Oh, and I forget a lot when I'm angry.

How many people have seen me in my angry state before? Very little, that much i can say. Hmmm... Let's see.

1. My former housemates in Lincoln and Kelvin. Hahaha the kitchen door had this huge hole in it and I have no idea why. The causative agent. A new housemate who 'sprinkled' soya bean milk on me... With his mouth. When I have a biology exam the next day. And I havent studied anything. Something happened. When I was concious of my actions, I was beside the pool. So i was like ' What the fuck man?' and saw my fist bleeding. Out of nowhere Alvin popped out and was like 'You okay or not? You really okay or not?' Yeah I was lost for awhile until he told me what happened. Hmmm...

2. My family? I think? My brother? I think i can still remember chasing him and my cousin with a knife in Penang. Why? I have no idea... Oh and my Mom.

3. The Indons. Hehe, highschool days are awesome!

Some people have asked me; 'Why do i get pissed off so often?' I don't. I'm not saying that I'm Saint Patience or anything like that but i think i pass the test. When I fight, mostly it's caused of friends calling me over and so on. Some people think I'm pissed off with them coz I'm being me. Too bad, I can't change myself but one thing's for sure, I'm not pissed.

Some people tell me to smoke less and that is supposedly effective in containing my anger. To those who did, have you ever heard of withdrawal syndrome? I guess not. My friend's dad even recommended a drug for me. Seriously, dude/ old dude, that's way over... What, is it some kind of mission in your life? To make kiddies get addicted to drugs faster.

Still, I have to admit, getting the symptoms (refer above... Waaaaaayyyy above) when I get pissed off is pretty awesome/ unicorn and fairies/ Chocolate cake and coffee. I'll leave that to that.

Sleepless nights.