Lately i have been stressed. Very stressed out. I hate those shrinks that stay in their offices pretending to be listening to you when they are daydreaming instead. And they get paid for it, which coincidentally makes me hate them more. (For friends who are soon-to-be shrinks, no offense mateys)
I really have to bow down to people like Kat and Ani who really keep my sanity checked. I swear, these are the people who; in their absence, will drive me suicidal. A thank you to you for putting up with me especially on those nights where you helped me when you needed the sleep.
Still, i can't depend solely on these people that I already adopted as my faily members. So i thought and i thought. How do i calm myself? More importantly, what is making me so agitated. I continued on searching. Two years ago, thankfully, i found the answer which may have arrived just in time. Meaning it came after a two month long depression period which was bad, real bad. I found out that at some point, i have a tremendous hate towards well, people. The reason is yet unbeknownst to me. I just do. I take a walk in a crowded place and i feel like going crazy. I feel... Disgusted... I really did... You might not realise it but go to the nearest window you see and look out. Can you really honestly tell me that you are contented with everything that you see? If you aren;t, multiply that by a hundred and you might get near to what i felt...
Maybe you think that I'm (and I'm pretty sure theres a lot of you that do.) a tad bit emotional. What if i am? It doesn't make any difference. The things i did to calm myself down... I think it would be better not to disclose the details... Bottom line is, i found what could make me calm.
Isolation.
It really did the job. Isolation from people, isolation form the noise, isolation from the cold stares and fake laughs. In days that I feel down, it kills me just to meet a person and put up with him. I'd like to scream;
LEAVE ME ALONE MOTHERFUCKER!
but i doubt that would be appropriate in any way. So i force myself to smile and act normal while inside I am burning up... Sometimes i run. Sometimes i ignore. To those of you who have caught me on these days, truly, forgive me, it was inevitable. I had to do it for my good and possibly yours.
This is the reason i love rooftops. People rarely tread that path and the wind seems to caress me and ask; 'Why the sad face, child?'. That really helps and i will tell everything, everything to the invisible helper. Then i leave, go down, and get some coffee which is the second greatest gift from God.
I have to clear something up. I, in no way, am better than anybody else. We are all the same and i doubt we have that much difference. You might say; 'Hell, I'm a human too, so you hate me?' and stab me in the heart (O.O). No, when i can call you my 'friend', that already separates you from other people. Besides, the hatred i have is more towards the character, not the substance.
Then you say; 'You are human too. What right do you have in hating and judging others?'. I, as a thinking person, always have rights. You throw me on an island, i will still have my bloody rights. How do you expect me to not judge when you are exposing yourself too much? It's like a reflex...
Anyways, i have said what i wanted to. Not happy? That's what the comment box is created for. Still not happy? That's the signal for you to move the cursor to the red box on the far right of the screen and click it. Problem solved. But really, do leave a comment, I'm desperate for them...
Till something interesting comes up, ciow.
A/N: Tomorrow is pharmacology exam day!
Note: The statement above is voiced out in a very... painful manner...
2 comments:
you know that fucked up face you can do, that'll scare everything.. use that when you feel the need for isolation
oh and i tried doing that expression too when i feel pissed off but people think i look much cuter that way and they keep coming up to me :P
hahah and that was a joke, in case you didn't laugh and wanted to scream 'get a life motherfucka'
Ahahaha... yeah but some peopple just dont bloody get the facial expression... sighums...
Right, you must attract a lot of monkeys with that face... XDXD Yes, that was a joke XD
Post a Comment